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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,733
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,733 |
ineedsomehelp,
You need to go to plan A but H has the one draw the boundries. If he doesn't want you to be around him you have to accept that and give him space. He wants to punish you and protects his feeling. However r u sure he has no A at all right now ?.
One more thing, who did you go out with ? girl freinds ?
-rh-
<small>[ October 27, 2003, 03:35 PM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 174
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 174 |
Hi Red -
No, my thought is that he is having an A. I know who the girl is. He actually came out and told me last week he wanted to "sample what life had to offer" and if that meant other girls then so be it. Although, when I ask he says she is just a friend. I think this is another major reason for him wanting a D so fast.
When I went out with friends? I went out with girl and guy friends. He does think I cheated on him.
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,733
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Joined: Sep 2001
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ineedsomehelp:
<strong> When I went out with friends? I went out with girl and guy friends. He does think I cheated on him. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Did he ever express it that way ?.
Forget about his A or not ... or he Dv you or not. Right now you can't afford any LB!. Don't talk R at all unless he brought it up. Focus on plan A ... plan A is to show H that you could change to the person that he was M to and better. It doesn't mean that you have to do it to him but only to convince him.
You have to "fix" and rid off your problem, go to seek IC asap.
-rh-
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 174
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 174 |
Red -
The big problem would be that he wants nothing to do with me now. If I go near his home he will take a restraining order out on me. This was Sunday. I'm hoping he will calm down and think about not filing this week.
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,733
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,733 |
Yes, he is in anger and you can't help it but do you have relatives or common freinds that would bring the news to him ?. You see if you show that you could change and he could be convinced there might be a hope.
I don't know where do you live. In CA we have 6 months until the Dv could be finalized. There is time.
-rh-
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 174
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 174 |
Hi Red -
Yes, I am very close with all my brother in laws (6 of them) and my sister in law. Also very close with mother and father in law. This makes it very hard for me. Sis - in -law did call last night and said that she has seen him and nothing has been said. He did tell me he would call this week. Hopefully, it wont be to tell me he has papers for me.
I live in Ma and unfortunately 90 days you can have a divorce. Why cant it be like NJ where you have to have 18 months separation before D can be filed?? I think that time would make all the difference.
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,733
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,733 |
Do they know this mess ?. You could show the changes via them ... words travel. Don't get dispaired ... for male a good 90 days plan A would be a good start. Who knows after Dv you would reconsile back.
Avoid LB and do plan A. Think before you talk and learn from your LB. Maximize the contact when you two are in contact.
It is not the length of cooling period but what each partner do during that period matters.
-rh-
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,457
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,457 |
Hello,
Why does he think that your you cheated on him
during the first year of your marriage? I can understand him being totally devastated if he thought this.
Was there some incident that convinced him that this was true? It just seems strange why your husband would believe such a thing unless he had a strong gut feeling about this. Did he see you kissing somebody else? I think this issue has to be addressed for you to have any hope at this time. This is just my opinion and I wish you luck.
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 174
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 174 |
Red -
I am trying to be patient. His mom told he was calling me later today. Dont know if it is to move everything out or talk...Im on pins and needles.
Bryan -
Long story short - I went out with friends alot, guys and girls twice we stayed over in the city...I did not have an A and no he did not see me kissing anyone, although, I do see how he might think it.
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Joined: Sep 2001
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Jermiah 17-7: Blessed is the man who trust in the LORD, and whose hope is the LORD.
-rh-
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