Starpony... I have lurked here for about 6 months and this is my first post. But the issue of friends is one that is close to my heart..<P>My suggestion to you.... ask your husband this question?<P>Ask him what his definition of a friend is.. or what the meaning of friendship is to him... Do this on a very casual note.. no LB or mention of this when speaking about the OW.<P>My H response was as follows: a friend looks out for you, is concerned about your well being, is there for you when you need them, protects you from things that would hurt or harm you, is supportive of dreams and ambitions..<P>I listened.. did not comment or judge or analyze.. two days later I casually raise the topic.. "remember the other day when I asked you about friendship"? I have a comment on your thoughts... Your description of friendship is a good one .. but There is something that I want to share with you in the bigger picture of friendship..<P>IF the OW was or is truly truly a friend.. would this friend make phone calls and contact with you knowing that it is going to cause emotional stress to Wife.. which in turn causes much grief for Husb...which ultimately undermines trust and love.. Does a friend encourage someone to do something that is totally destructive to the Rebuilding of Trust.... These are serious questions to be considered... A friend Does Not Insert themselves where they will do harm to a friend or the loved ones of a friend.. A friend doesn't try to have sex with you or try to get you to leave your spouse and family?<P>I also stated.. if my best girlfriends husband was also my friend . .. would it be acceptable for this male friend to create uncomfortable circumstances, try to get me to have sex, try to get me to leave my H, or cause harm to my H or my marriage...???<P>I can't make any promises but I have to tell you that my husband had never really looked at what is was he was trying to hold on to... and what he realized for sure was what he was calling a "friend" was anything but that... The OW is an Interloper.. Intruder... emotional blackmailer... and all around selfish and self serving person...<P>My H realized that what he was holding onto was not a friendship... just a shared fantasy with someone that had no vested interest in the background... <P>He suddenly wanted nothing more than to erase this chapter from his life and erase the FRIENDSHIP he thought he was entitled to maintain...<P>Good luck.. Logic and reality.. and kindness may finally resolve this for you.. Good luck..<P>