I am really hastated for going to Plan B. I know him. If I let go, he will be gone.

This morning, we had another talk. I told him to come home. He said he didn't feel like it. I asked him why. He said it didn't have the atmosphere, even D wants to get out. Then he asked me what kind of ideal H I have in mind. I told him that an H who enjoys family and kids, wants to do things with me. He said we have no common language. I asked him what he meant. He said that it is hard to explain. I asked him what kind of ideal wife is looking for. He didn't answer me. Ok, I said then what kind of things do you expect to me to make you happy. He said, in the future, he paused, then said, we had no future. I told him pretend that there is no future. He said, if you take good care of the kids that will make me happy. (Didn't I take of the kids?) You should make our house look nicer(again), I said what do you mean? He said that it is the decoration from your own.

Anyway, I told him that I want my H's heart back. He said my heart was with you the last 14 years. If you want it back, you got to be strong. I don't like to see you are so down, giving up your business, I don't like to see your face with no smile(Isn't that ridiculous, they punch you in the face and bleed, then they tell you that you don't look nice and not strong?). I said that I am strong, i got to be strong for my kids. He said, not for your H? I said that I can not control you, it is up to you. I will do my best. Then he sigh, we start over. I asked what do you mean? Start with whom? I know he mean we start over seperately. But he didn't answer me.

I decided not to let these things to hurt me anymore. No matter what the outcome is, I will just trust GOD.

I just read the lighthouse post. My mind was really cleared now. I thing that I didn't do a good plan A. I didn't change myself and pick up the confidence. Now I really know what to do. I will be myself and leave H behind. He will see my action.

That sounds good. It will really help you and your children. You will get through this, and it does get much better.

Believer, I know that was what you told me to do all the time. I didn't get it. It is still hard, but I know what to do now. I have a clear goal. Of course, i still need a lot of support and encoragement. All your prayers are needed. H clearly told me that he dosen't want to see me like this. I can't change him, but I can change myself.

My heart aches again, but it is normal. I will be strong. I will get better.

L&H

You can do this. I know you can. I just went the day with N/C and WH was here. I left S at my moms and went and did stuff for me. He dropped him back off at noon. I feel so much better than when he was coming here and I had to face him. It is easier and less painful for sure.

lostnhurt-

Check out ark's post to you in general questions.

Believer, I read it and reply. I am so grateful that so many people care about me. I know that GOD is taking care of me.

H is home tonight. I still feel that he is so distant. I got some business calls about mortgages. I was too busy to interact with him. But when I am not busy, I still don't know what to do with him. Do I make him feel bored? I don't care, I am going to concentrate on myself.

H is not coming home again. He asked me to take S to boy scout activity. I feel so sad, but I don't want to let it hurt me anymore.

LH,

I'm sorry I haven't stayed totally caught up on everyone's posts. How often is your WH coming home? Does he spend entire nights away from the house?

Just curious. Mine went from just coming home late most nights (at the beginning of the A) to actually staying all night with OW and only appearing at home one or two nights per week, usually very late in the evening, and usually just to pick up some clean laundry or something.

This was REALLY hard for me, because each night I'd hope and pray that this was the night everything would change, he'd come home, and life would start new. And each night would go by and I'd wake up alone in the bed the next morning.

I know I didn't do a good Plan A, partly because I got in too late on MB and partly because because of WH's alcohol, I was advised by many that Plan A was pointless. I still worry that I didn't build up enough LU's before he left and before I did a Plan B. And I share your fear that now that I've let go, he'll be gone for good.

That is VERY frightening to me, and I pray a lot and still think God has to be very disappointed in my because of my apparent lack of faith that whatever happens happens for a reason, whether it's the outcome I want or not.

However, my point (took a LONG time to get here, didn't I)--> There is relief in not having them living at home and doing the crap they do. At least now I can go to bed and not wonder if he's coming home, or if he does, how tense and uncomfortable it may be. That has made my nights and my sleeping SO much better. I don't take the over-the-counter sleeping pills anymore since he moved out.

LL

L&H

LL is right. I know Plan B sounds scary and for me it did too. The thought of not seeing him for even just those few moments that I did get to was scary. But I feel like a 1,000 lbs have been lifted off my shoulders. Half the time I don't even think about him at all. That is the reason why I ripped his posters off the wall in the garage. I want to park my truck in the garage and not think of him. And now I can. I have to make changes that help me and forget about him and that is what I am trying to do. Be strong, I had to be and I was the most devastated person in the whole world. I almost committed myself to the hospital because I didn't know how to deal with the pain. I have never been in pain like this before in my whole life. I would say that it is worse than rape, and I have been raped. That is just my experience though, others may not think so. I think it hurts so bad because it is the one person that you trust in the whole world that it hurting you, the one you took vows with in front of family and GOD. I hope you can find peace within yourself and try to move forward in life. I am praying for you.

NY

Hang in there ladies, it's gonna be a rough ride. Plan B is very comforting to me. I hardly ever think about my WH, and when I do, I now have nice memories of him. That's pretty scary!

OW's H called me up today to check if I was okay. He saw my van parked in driveway all week and was worried. He has been such a lifesaver to me. My WH could care less.

Ladies, Thank you for all your advice. Just came back from boyscout meeting.

Actually I am feeling GOOD. My sister also told me that I should let go, she mean mentally. I don't expect, I don't care when he comes home or not. He already established a pattern himself, whenever I can stay home, he will be out. But if I told him that i have things to do, he will stay. I really don't expect, when he was around, I even don't feel comfortable like last night.

There were few nights in Dec. he was out whole night. Since I confronted him the first time, he always comes home, sometimes till 1 or 2 am. But lately he comes around 11pm or earlier, which made me disappointed:). Because I wanted to talk to my sister or friends.

Believer, thanks for your concern. D is better lately. I don't know why. I am still loking for a conselor for her. The school conselor said that she will find a reputable one. So I am waiting. I guess because WH spent some time with her which made her feel better. That is one of major reason I don't want to go to Plan B.

I feel better. I think that I pray for strength from GOD. GOD did send a lot of help to me. The lighthouse psoting really woke me up. I need to work on myself and make him see that our home is worm and welcome. Another reason maybe the Clelexa kicks in. I can sleep overnight now. I can eat normally, I feel that I gain back a couple pounds already. I am looking forward to the cruise in April. Just like sis said, I have to live like he is gone, no big deal. I can handle all the things.

L&H

Your doing good. You listen to ARK. Very intelligent advice. And take care of you, because no one else is going to. Hugs

NY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks, NY. I will take the kid to bed. Talk to you later.

lostnhurt-
Please get a counselor soon for your daughter. Your H is deeply in the fog.

Have you heard from OW's H?

Believer, I am getting a conselor for D. I want to get a good one. The one she was with was not good. She didn't want to go back.

I didn't here anything from OW's H. I think he is a jerk. I don't want to talk to him. I am going to hire a PI to find out things myself.

Hi, Evdryone. I think that he is moving out.

I just found a costco receipt from his wallet:

Sofa,
King mattres
Other daily items.

Somebody, help please.

Breath. Pray. If he is moving, you will survive. I didn't think I would. In fact there were times where I HOPED I wouldn't. As you can see by my typing, I'm still living and breathing.

It is hard. My WH decided to move out, then chicked out at the last minute while touring the apartment, and at that point I decided he needed to (may not have been my brightest moment) but basically talked him into signing the lease.

I'm still scared to death my marriage won't come back, but having him out of the house is not as hard at night as wondering where he is because he's NOT at the house.

LL