LL, just read your other thread. Thank you so much. Stay on borad, you won't be lonely. I am reading Awed's link about detachment and doormat, Try to learn something. Remember, we can not change our WS, but we can change ourselves.

LNH,

I just stumbled onto that same post by Awed. It was really good! I went to both links, the one from the WS and the one about emotional detachment and copied both to Word documents so I can reference them later.

I am SO emotionally attached to my WH. I know that's why I'm having such a difficult time, and why I'm not letting God help me like I know He can. But I always thought of detachment as "pulling away" and I was afraid. It doesn't appear that it's that drastic.

There is a statement in the emotional detachment post about saying "STOP(your name)" to change your thought pattern. This was actually something also learned from a Christian therapist shortly after 9/11, when I had a bad bout of anxiety. It does work, if you apply it. I also got to the point where I memorized a few of my favorite verses from the Bible, and when I found myself letting thoughts get the best of me, I'd bring a verse to my mind and keep repeating it over and over.

Seems I need to get back into that practice again. And I think it's true, if you get up and do something physical, it breaks the thought cycle, too. I find I have the most pain when I'm sitting here alone doing nothing, or when I'm at work late in the evenings by myself, where it's not exactly practical to go do something physical.

So with that said, I'm going to force myself to go out in the rain (I'm sure I won't melt) and get a couple things I need from Target, then maybe pick up something and force myself to eat it, and then I'll come check in and see how people are doing on here again.

Take care of yourself. Too bad Michigan and Iowa are so far apart. We could load up your kids and go out for something good to eat to keep us both occupied on Saturday nights, until our lives calm down.

LL

You could always meet in Chicago. That's about halfway in between. I bet you'd have lots of fun. (And you could go put TP all over my ILs' yard and porch while you were there, too!)

LL, I read those posts last night. But I did not have time to post. OW's H called. He asked me to give himt him the evidence and asked me what to do. I told him to expose. But he was so scared.


This morning, I talked to MIL again. She said that her son is not playing a fair game. I didn't talk to her too long, I went to church. After church, I was sopposed to go back to work for a short meeting at 3pm. When I came home, I didn;t feel well, guess it was stomach flu again. I took a nap. It was alreay 4pm when I woke up. I felt so tired and sick. The meeting must be over too. So I stayed home finished all the tax, finally.

Wh came home this morning at 11am. So I couldn't go to the computer too much. He is sending D's friend home now.

So sorry to hear you're not feeling well again. Maybe it is the stress that is lowering your resistence to illness? It's hard enough to deal with all this when you're well.

Can you take some time--a few days--to just rest and sleep? Is there family who could take care of your kids for an afternoon or an evening so you can rest?

I fortunate in that respect with mine being teens. If I'm absolutely exhausted, they can survive on their own. My only problem is that normally I can't sleep until I've exhausted myself in the wee hours anyway.

I went to Al-Anon again tonight. I still feel sort of uncomfortable and out of place, but maybe if I go enough, it'll finally sink in that I can't control my WH's actions (whether that be drinking or having the A).

LL

I totally blew it off this morning.

Yesterday, Wh was very nice to make me some Chinese herb soup for me. This morning, I told him that he is being nice to me lately, but his heart was not here. Before he's heart was here, but he was nice at all. So he said that do you rather to have a H that is not nice to you or someone who is nice, but not your H. I said both. I wasnt a H that is nice to me. He said let's be friends. I said I want to be friends and couples. He said just let me go. I cried and said I can not control you, I know that i have to let go. I always love you and our family will be here waiting for you. When you are tired out there, you can come home, this is your home. He said thanks. I just totally broke down and couldn't control my self crying.

I am still crying, I don't know what that means. If he decide to move out, it will be plan B. But how I wish that will not happen. But I can not control it. let GOD do it. But my heart aches so much. I don't feel like go to work at all. But I have to go. I don't want the kids to see me broke down. Please help.

lostnhurt -

I think things are going to get better. It looks like OW's H is finally coming out of his denial. I wonder what helped him to do that?

Also your WH being nice to you is a good sign. Try to take care of yourself. You are getting too stressed out.

Have you talked to your sister or cousin lately?

Believer, my heart is bleeding. He said he wanted to leave, I told him if that is what he wants, he can go. He thanked me. I think that he is leaving soooooon. I am so down now. I canceled one of my classes. I can not stop my tear.

lostnhurt -

This is the process you have to go through. It is to save your marriage. I just know he will be back. So do not worry. Start taking care of you.

Believer, sis is not home. Cousin went to HK. I have no one to talk to.

lostnhurt -

You have all of us at marriagebuilders. We will understand you better than anyone. You are still very new in this. You will have lots of surprises and miracles.

I can tell you that your WH will be back. He is going through the regular WS stuff, but stick with the MB program, keep your eyes on the instrument panel. Have hope.

Believer, Thank you so much. Only you give me so much encouragement and hope. I know others care about me too. I really appreciate. But I am just very confused and hurt. Now I have to go to class, which I really don't want to. What a miserable life.

Hey LNH,

I made replies to you (actually and you too lordslady <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) on the thread in GQII (I've bumped it up so you'll see it if you go there today) as well as on the other thread in here by Titleist "How Often Does Plan B Work?". Just J asked you a question on this particular thread that I think you need to seriously look at...

Both of you...please take care of yourselves...I'd like to see you get so much stronger, and positive, and feeling good about life.

I was a tragic mess when I arrived here...so much trauma in my life, quite apart from my WS...I was an absolute wreck...

these days, my saga continues (as does Just J)...so take a word of advice from those ahead of you in the marathon...

life just keeps on getting a whole lot better...the secret is YOU...you can do it guys...trust me, I've been there...awed

Awed,

I read all those. Thank you so much. I know what you and Just J said are true. Believe me, I will be there. But at this moment, I am just weak. I just feel dark, hopeless. My logical thinking tells me this is not true. I have to go againt my feeling. But it is so hard.

I feel so weak, I cut my class short.

try and answer Just J's question okay? Spend some time today thinking about it...don't write a one-line answer saying "I can't do it yet"...

think about what she is asking you...write it down...write it all down...this exercise is designed to help you figure out what is keeping you where you are...

don't try and take 10 steps at once...we're trying to get you to think about taking one tiny little step...okay? think about it, talk about it...nothing to fear at all...talking is not going to hurt you...try this FIRST...

try...awed

Awed, I can't find her questions. I vaguely remember that she asked me whether I want to be in the same situation sometimes later.

My answer is no. My biggest fear is that letting him go, will he go forever? But if he stayes, he won't be here either. I am still struggling. But I already told him this morning that he can go if that is what he really wants. i broke down. I don't feel good at all now. I am shaking now. My biggest hope is that things will happen after the MB weekend. But I can't control it. If it happens, I will go to Plan B passively.

lostnhurt -

Lean on us. We will help you. I am sure your WH will be back. In the meantime, it will be miserable unless you can detach a little.

Please tell OW's H to come here so we can help him too.

I told OW's H to come here. He is stuburn. He even told me not listen to the advice here.

But he is starting to believe you a little, right?