I'm doing fine, and feeling good. My WH signed the papers for his retirement today. I have been talking to him quite a bit, encouraging him.

Hmmm - what happened to Plan B?

Believer,

Be careful. It's sounding like you are gravitating to my version of Plan B. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

L&H,

Hang in there. How long have you been taking the Xanax? When you first start on them, they can leave you really drowsy for a while. You might want to break a pill in half for a while if you're having problems with it. If you're taking it before you go to bed, you shouldn't still be drowsy in the morning. It's life usually isn't that long. But if you're taking another in the morning, then yes that CAN make you drowsy. Be careful. I went through that, too. I don't have those effects now, but I've been on it long enough that my system has become tolerant and it doesn't do me as much good. It's really for fairly short term therapy. I'm weaning back off now so that I don't get dependent on them.

LL

Believer,

You got a plan b about like me anymore. WH is coming tomorrow to do railings and handrails. I dont' even know if I have feelings for him anymore to tell you the truth. I have talked to him twice this week on the phone and it didn't bother me either time. I used to cry. I think I have emotionally detached myself finally. I really think I have rounded a corner in my life and it feels good. Tomorrow will be the test, seeing him in person. I told him I was going to be here because I can't leave for two days, I have no place to go. Not only that but he is the one that is guilty not me. I said you are going to have to come here and look me in the face because I am not leaving my home for two days. He said I realize that.

I hope things stay well on your end. Praying for you and your happiness.

NY

Hang in there everyone. No, my Plan B has not been all that good, but it did the trick for me. I am much happier now.

WH has had OW for a year now. Marriagebuilders has really helped me, but maybe not our marriage. But miracles happen every day.

Hi, girls. Just came back from a fraternity party. WH came home took care of the kids. But I guess he took them to movies. They are not here. I am talking to sis now.

I will talk to him tonight about what is going on. I am going to present these: 1. stay homr, work on M, 2. Stay home, let M hold, just be friends, 3. move out, be friends, 4. move out, no contact, plan B. 2, 3 are noy my choice, just list these possiblities. Then whatever is decided, we will work out a plan for the kids. Any suggestion?

Hmmm. What to do? I think you need to give it more time to see what he is up to.

Of course, I'm in Lordsladys Plan B now. HeHe.

I agree with Believer, but then again, perhaps I'm not the best one to give advice. It's been a rough few days here in Iowa.

Thursday, the Dept. of Human Svcs (Child Protection) was called annonymously on my DD's cutting she's been doing on her arms. I had to take her to one of the hospitals for evaluation and she was admitted to the adolescent psychiatric ward. That was a tear-jerker of a moment. I cried, she cried...ugly night.

Then today, when I'd finally convinced myself that it was the best thing for her, they discharged her because my insurance won't pay for inpatient unless they are a direct threat to their own lives. Since all she's doing is taking a razor blade and cutting about 50 slices on each arm (Noooo....nothing serious there?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ), it wasn't a suicide attempt--just done to hurt herself.

Gotta' LOVE those darned HMO's!

So she's home again, she's been prescribed Strattera (for ADHD) and Zoloft, and has agreed to try them this time.

FIL had his surgery today for prostate cancer. He came through it okay, though they found "nodules" so aren't sure they got it all. I assume this means he'll have to go through chemo which will be tough on him with his heart problems. I am going to try and visit on Sunday--hoping I don't feel too uncomfortable considering my M situation.

And then WH is still saying that OW is walking away on Sunday (which, of course, I'm still not believing--still think she's just "testing" him to see if he'll beg her to stay). If it were HIS choice, I'd feel better about it, but apparently it's hers. He's still not sure what he wants, though he admits he knows his family needs him.

So I guess on Monday I'll know if they're done or not. He's still not sure he wants to come back to our M regardless of what they do.

It is really hard, but at least after 6 months of pain, at least I can go to sleep and sleep through the night without pills, so I guess that is one tiny step.

Believer and NY, I wish I were as strong as you. And LHN, I'm sure if you do a Plan B, you'll do great as well. Your faith seems strong.

Keep reminding me--faith in God... Believe he's in control... Believe he has a plan for each of us that will include blessings in the end of we stay strong and trust in him.

LL

That is very good news about your daughter. Hope the meds will help her.

Hang in there, things will get better. You have to trust that they will.

lostnhurt -

Are you here?

Believer, and LL, I am here.

I was talking to MIL last night before they came back. He too the kids to shopping and bought them tons of stuff, using my credit card!

MIL told me that he called her yesterday noon when picking up S. She said, see he was taking care of the kids. You should not snoop on him, and let him go. OW's H e-mailed me told me that WH did not call him, and his W disappeasred Thur. night again. But anyway, I am very sad.

Then after putting kids to bed, he was gathering some computer stuff. I was waiting for him to talk, but he just stayed in front of the computer. So I asked him whehter we can talk. he said ok. I presented him the 4 possibilities. He said nothing for a while, then he said can you write them down? I wrote them down. Then he said, what is your preference. i said # 1. He still didn't say anything. I told him to think about it and let me know. Then I went to bed.

This morning, S was crying. He didn't want to go to Chinese school. He said, oh that is why he cried the other day, he didn't miss me. I hate that. D has a violin competetion. Her friends mom is going to pick her uo, but she didn't tell me. She told him last night. I was going to send her there. So WH thought I was using that as excuse to have him send S to Chinese school. What a mess.

This afternoon, S has a B-day party for our mutual friends' S. Then going to their hom for party. he said he would go first, then he said he is not going. I want to ask him how he want me to tell our friends our situation. But I don't feel like going either. Why are things so hard? My heart breaks.

Stop thinking about WH and try to enjoy your day. You must become somewhat detached. It will really help you while you are going through all of this.

I'm still feeling good. I hope I stay that way. Go to the party today and try to have fun.

Believer,

I just hung up with a friend of his. That is the couple I first told about this A. He was his former co-worker and a very faithful believer. Yesterday, WH asked me did I call Dan. I said I didn't, but he called when you left. What did you say to him. I said that I told him everything in out situation. He said, no wonder. This morning he told me that he is going to meet him 6pm this afternoon. He also said it is what you want.

So I called Dan and told him about our conversation. I also asked him what he is going to say to him. He told me that he will try to be his friend. It reieved me a little bit. He also told me that he may not report to me what their conversation is about. I told him that I totally understand and respect that. All I want is someone can talk to him, take his side, let him get out all his thought. So he can be less depressed, and think clearly. I will pray for the spirit come upon to Dan, and let the spirit speak. I also pary for Wh to open his heart to LORD. I will pray that they really become true friends he can tell him everything, and he can view him as a reliable source for help.

Just got an e-mail from OW's H. He denied again. Is he nut? I really don't want to talk to him anymore. I may just hire an OI to find out, after MB weekend. I want to go to the cruise NOW.

OW's H is in deep denial. I feel sorry for him. Don't worry, he will figure it out when he is ready to. Also don't argue with him, he will defend his wife.

When he says it is not her, I would say maybe not, but that are out all night on the same nights.

D is acting up again. i really don't know what to with her. She refused to take medicen, and refused to go conseling. She scramed at me telling me I am not helping.

Tell her that you want to help her. Then ask her how you can help her. If she says to leave her alone, tell her you are worried about her and ask her if the two of you can work together for a plan.

That is exactly what I said. But she said I am helping. It is very frustrated. I will have to take her to conseling.

WH took S to the B-day party. He will be back soon. Then he will meet his friend at 6pm. I prayed that GOD's sprit will speak and WH will open his heart. I even don't know whether he will be here tonight.

I just went out walking by myself. D refused to go with me. It was very nice out there. I decided not to go to the party. I hate to drive at night. Now D is talking to her friend, she wants to go for a sleep over. I said ok. I feel like to be alone more and more. I can read and watch TV by myself.

LNH,

This is all very difficult on our DD's, especially when they have emotional issues. Mine doesn't want help either, though after the night she spent in the psychiatric ward, she is now willing to try meds if they'll help her stay out of there. She hated being locked in somewhere where she could see outside but couldn't get out. I hope it was a wake-up for her, but only time will tell.

It's good that you are able to enjoy being alone. That is one of my big problems. When both my kids are gone and it's quiet in the house, that's when I go nuts. I think too much. I really am not much of a TV watcher, and I don't like to read all that well either. I get bored easily.

Today, since it's very nice and sunny out, I spent a good part of the day running errands which at least kept me focused, and then just spent about 2 hours out in my back yard scooping up all my puppy doo-doo that has accumulated during the winter when I couldn't scoop. I still have half a yard to go though! Big dogs poo a lot! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

This weekend is hard for me. I hope so much that tomorrow is the day that OW walks away and WH is able to let go, but I have had my heart broken so many times, I really think it's very unlikely it will happen. I can't call and ask. All I can do is sit silently and wait.

And then if it doesn't happen, I have to decide my next move--and I'm not ready.

Well, take care of yourself and do enjoy your time alone. Your DD, I'm sure, needs the time to enjoy friends at the sleepover. Just continue to let her know you love her and you care. That's about all I can do with my DD right now. Sometimes she shuts me out, but other times, like last night, I'm seeing signs of her being more open and chatty. There is always hope.

I'll check back in later.

LL

LL, Thank you for your input. I talked to sis about D too. She really gave me some helpful suggestions. Sis is very smart, she is not married yet and she is 6 years younger, but I felt that she is really smart and sharp. I thank GOD for having such a great sis. This event even brings us closer.

This afternoon, H came home taking S from a B-day party. he sat in front of the computer again. Kids went outside to play. Then I asked him what he thought about the decision. He said he didn't know. I said ok, take your time. Then here we start:

H: How do you think about me?

Me: I love you.

H: Really?

Me: Yes I do.

H: I don't know you anymore, you are so strange now. I don't think you love me. What did you do behind me?

Me: I did not do anything behind you.

H: What did you tell OW's H? He called me and said that you told him that I will call.

Me: Did you call? You told me that you will call him to apologize, didn't you?

H: I just told you about it. Why did you tell him? I didn't feel like it. I did not do anything wrong, i shouldn't apologize.

Me: But you told me that you broke up with OW, and you wer going to call him.

H: I did not do anything, there was nothing between us. I don't know what you want, keep talking to him. What is your purpose? You want to collect my life insurance.

Me: I don't understand why I talk to him would help me to collect a life insurance. All I want was to break the A, and have you back.

H: You didn't like me to go out with her, so I won't. Probably I will only go out with male before I get a D. But you will accuse me to ba a gay.

Me: ???

H: You never thought about me, and care about my feeling. You just do whatever you want. you want to have me back, it won't happen this way.

Me: Why didn't I care about your feeling?

H: Do you want me to get killed, so you can get the life insurance. Do you know what A means? it means adultery. It is a very hard word. A man can not take it. He would be very angry and kill me. Is that what you want?

Me: That is why you said I want to collect the life insurance. I never connect them together. There should be easier ways to collect than doing this.

H: You just thought about yourself. I don't know what you are thinking.

Me: I sent you the MB website and my posting. Did you read it? It recorded what I thought and what I did. Do you want to take a look at it now?

I open the one I posted about how to show my admiration and appreciation to him. He read it. Then I ppulled this one out. He read few.

H: laundry, packing lunch, I can do all of them.

Me: Did you notice that I said the I don't know what else I can do.

H: You claim you love me, but I don't feel it. I just feel that you are selfish.

Me: Why?

H: I just don't feel that. You want me back. That is selfish. If you have an A, I will let you go and wish you the best. I know that not a lot of men can do that, i maybe the few who can do that.

Me: Thank you for letting me know your feeling. It is very important for me to know how you feel. It is not that I like to hear that you don't feel I love you. I like to hear that you tell me your feeling.

H: I don't feel trusted anymore. you checked my wallet, checked my cell phone, my pager. I have to hide these things from you.

Me: Did you ever think about why it is like this?

H: No. I have no time to think about it. I am too busy to work to raise the family. It is to tiring to think about it.

Me: Well, thank you for telling me your feeling. I know something is not w=right in my part. Today D also told me that she didn't feel that I love her. There must be something that I did not do right.

H: You may love me. But I don't feel it. All you do is for yourself.

Me: Thank you for pointing that out to me. At least I know what I should work for. I read all these books HNHN, it tells me that we all work hard, but maybe in the wrong direction. I tried my best and working very hard. But I did not meet your need. In turn I did not have my needs met either. SO I started have resentment. probably that is how our relation got bad.

H: I don't know.

Me: I work very hard in doing all the house work, taking care of kids. Those are my important needs. But may not be yours. I know that yours is SF. I didn't get my needs met, I didnot know how to let out, so I used sex for revenge. That is what I thought.

H: You don't think about others feeling. maybe that is how you were born.

Me: I know. That is what I am working for. Sometimes I don't know what you want. If you can tell me, things will be much easier. That is why SH wanted to talk to you. he wanted to find out how you feel about me, so he can help me. I am learning to tell you my feeling now.

H: What can I tell him?

Me: Just to tell what you think, and how you feel. If you don't want me to hear it, you can talk to him alone. He would only tell me the parts that can help me. I have appointment with him Monday. If you are willing to, I can give you his number.

H: i will think about it.

Me: Can you tell me tomorrow?

H: Ok.

Then friend called him, he left.