LNH,

It sound like you did a really good job being calm and trying to understand what's going on in your WH's head.

In my eyes, the comment he made about how, if you had an A, he'd let you go and wish you the best is totally "fog" and was only made because of the situation he's in. He doesn't want to feel guilty or like he's doing something wrong. He believes right now that this is what he'd do if you had an A, but I will GUARANTEE if your M was healthy and he was there with you all the time and then YOU went out and had the A, he'd feel a LOT different than what he's saying right now.

Again, I don't have wonderful words of advice. I'm sitting here right now trying hard not to be a worried mess because I left a text message for my WH asking how his father was doing, and he's not responded at all to me today. This means my mind immediately starts thinking about how happy he and OW probably are today and how there is probably no way she'll walk out on him tomorrow.

I know. It hurts. Just focus on God and on how he loves us and knows our pain, and wants to help us feel peace. Concentrate on your upcoming cruise (I'm envious!) and the seminar at the end of April. You have some things to look forward to.

LL

LL, I am sorry that you feel lonely now. I am here for you. Only S and me are home now. I actually want to call him. But I am not going to . I do feel peace now. I want this peaceful feeling last longer. We just finished watching Shreck. S had a nose bleed. But it stopped now. I will put him to bed and come back.

LL, are you still here?

LNH,

I went out for a little while to get carry-out Chinese food for kids. We don't do much except for McDonalds or Wendys anymore and even though I'm a little short on funds this week, I decided to do it since DD has been better.

My problem with inability to concentrate (or for that matter, for my brain to work at all sometimes) really came shining through. I opened the garage door and proceeded to back out just like I've been doing all day as I ran my errands, but never gave a thought to looking behind me.

Bad thing! DS was home and his car was in the driveway in it's usual spot. I should have known ths because he was in the car going with me to get the food !

Needless to say, there was an ugly scraping sound and as soon as he said "What was that?", I had the sinking feeling because I knew.

His car took less damage than mine did. His mirror left a nice crinkle and a red pinstripe down the rear passenger side of my dark green car, and then where I scuffed up along the side of his car, I have some really deep scratches through the paint.

His car has some of the trim pulled loose and some scuffs, but I think if we have the trim put back on, the rest won't matter. It's a teen's car--it's not perfect anyway.

But mine looked really good! I had just taken it through the car wash and it was all clean and sparkly.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Rather than call WH for help (since both cars will drive just fine and I knew all he'd do is yell at me), I called my sis. She laughed at my misfortune--shame on her. (Okay, it is funny in an ironic sort of way if I actually had the money right now to fix it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )

So if you'd like a laugh--laugh at my stupidity and airheadedness for backing into my own son's car (and for not even thinking about looking behind me before I backed out. Duh!!)

The back of my car has been painted once before and the place that did it did an excellent job. I need to try and find the name, and take it in without my WH knowing and find out how much it will cost. Maybe if it's not as much as I expect it will be, I can get it in and back out before he sees it???

And as for the Chinese food--at that point I handed my keys to my 17-year-old DS and HE drove us safely there!

That's my evening so far. Hope yours has been a little less "exciting".

LL

Hi girls. My WH came over today to talk about finances. We had a calm talk and agreed on everything. I cooked him a steak and salad, which he gobbled down.

Then we went for a ride on the Harley down the coast. It was a beautiful day.

So that was my Plan B for the day.

LL, I don't see any stupidy in your inccident. You don't need to hid it from your Wh either. Just do what it is necessary. Few yeas ago, when we were still happy, I drove over S's bike(little one) over on the drive way, just felt a little bump. I even didn't know it untill I came back, and scream, who ran on the bike?

Believer, I am so happy for you. I can tell you are happier and happier. Best wishes for you.

I didn't take Xenax last night, so my sleep was totally broken. I kept praying asking for peace, and put my worry to GOD. I feel dizzy now. Get to get ready for curch too.

My bad feeling comes back again. I felt so peaceful last night. But now this anxiety is attacking me. My anti-D is already gone, new precription is not filled yet. Please pray for me for peace.

L&H

How long have you been off the anti-D? It usually takes weeks for them to leave your system so if you have only missed a day or two you shouldn't feel this bad. Take a Xanax, they are for anxiety NOT SLEEPING. I have been told this a million times. Please when you feel this bad, take a deep breath in your nose and out yout mouth, take a xanax, lay on the couch and think of a nice place to be. This really works for me. I lay down and think of being on the beach laying in a chair in the sun. Pretty soon it is almost like I can feel the sun beating down on me. If it is really quiet, I will fall a sleep and I usually feel better afterwards.

The one thing that I have found through all of this is, if you don't sleep you are twice as likely to be depressed and have panic attacks. I was only sleeping three hours a night and my depression was spiraling down fast. I thought about everything under the sun at that time. If you read my posts from a couple of weeks ago, I thought my life was over.

In reality I was beating myself up so badly, I wasn't eating right, I wasn't sleeping. I now make myself eat 3 times a day, atleast something. I also take a Xanax and a benadryl before bed and I sleep all the way through every night. I feel like a million dollars now. WH came over and spent the day here doing the railings and I felt nothing for him. I didn't cry last night, I felt nothing other than relief that the railings were getting done, and even better when he left for the night.

I have decided that being alone is really a treasure I never knew before. I went from husband 1 to husband 2, I have been with someone since I was 19. I have been alone now for a while with my kids. I have found the real me, I have lost weight, faced my rape (still working on this with IC), have become a better mother, and I have become strong like steel instead of a folding piece of aluminum foil.

You have to get up and dust yourself off. You will survive this. I never thought I would either. Believe me when I tell you this. I thought I was going to die it hurt so bad. You will survive, you are alive! Go outside and listen to the birds sing, listen to the wind blow, look at the sun feel the warmth. That is what life is all about. It isn't about your WH. It is about living and enjoying your time in the universe on this earth. It goes by so fast. Yesterday I was 16 and now I am 35. Where did those years go? Have I really lived? NO. But I am now, I am living for me instead of someone else now. I feels great. Sorry for the long post. I just want you to feel better. Plan B all the way, it is the best plan ever when you are in pain. And sleep, and eat too! (((((HUGS))))))

NY

NY, thank you so much. Nothing is long. I love to read your post. It did encourage me. I went to church, I worked in the Sunday school. I am so tired now. I feel so empty when come home. D is acting up again. Her action gave me another burden on top of all these. How much I want a relieve. I am going out to take a walk, and hope that helps.

lostnhurt -

Hang in there girl and take care of yourself. I know it is not easy, but you will start getting and better.

Remember, the only one you have the power to change is yourself. It took me a very long time, but I finally changed. Now everything else is changing too. When you change, your WH has to change too.

My WH is still with OW and still talking about reconciling. But I don't let it bother me. I have been nice to him, and he is now going to retire, and is very happy.

I guess I am now in recovery by myself.

Believer, I know that the only thing I can change is myself and I am determined to change. But I don't know what to change. How can I show him that I love him. He said that he does not feel that I love him at all.

Continue what you are doing, being a good wife. You married him for better or worse, this is the worse part.

He is deeply addicted to OW. His brain has chemical changes from his infatuation. That is why nothing you do is good enough.

So you need to get other ways to get your needs met. Concentrate on something else. Get some clothes for the cruise, exercise, go out and do something with kids, and friends.

Put this guy on the back burner for awhile. Things are working in his life that you know nothing about. Just believe that.

<small>[ April 04, 2004, 01:53 PM: Message edited by: believer ]</small>

Believer, you are absolutely right. When I feel bad, talking to someone will help. I already called sis 4 times this weekend.

Just do some things for you and kids. You need to quickly start taking care of you, and getting some of your needs met. You did an excellent Plan A, better than most here. So have hope in that.

By the way, do you have any easy, good recipes for some Chinese dishes? I'm in the mood for cooking.

I even don't know what my needs are now. I only want my H back, which is impossible at this moment.So I have to find something that I like.

An easy recipe is fried rice.

Two cups of raw rice, cooked and let cool.
2 eggs, 4 table spoon soy sauce(depending your taste)

following are optional:

vegetables(what ever you like, chopped, I usaually like green peas or mixed frozen ones), two cup,
shrimp(cooked) 8 oz.
green onion, 1 stalk, chopped

Put 2 tab spoon of cooking oil in a fry pan, then stir in the rice, make them loose, then crack the eggs, add optioanl ingredients, keep stiring for 10 minutes(med to high heat), then add soy sauce. Add salt for taste.

Hope that is good.

Anyone has good remedies for diahhrea? I've been having it almost everyday, it is killing me. I lost to much weight now. It got to be stopped.

Yummy -
Sounds good. I had a friend from Thailand who taught me to cook one thing. You get ground pork and add tons of pepper, then make it into meatballs. You boil these in water and soy sauce, then add chinese cabbage, or bok choy. Then serve with rice. It is very good, and my kids just gobble it up.

I will try your fried rice today. I have to go back to work tomorrow after a week off. It's going to be hard.

Believer, hope you enjoy the rice.

D is driving me crazy again. I wish I know what I can help her, but i don't know how. I love her so much, but I can't help her. I can't hep.

Just went outside to take a walk. It is very windy and cold. So the walk is short. I want to talk to someone, called sis, she was not home. Called friends, they were not home either. I just want to talk to someone. I even want to call WH, just to talk, not R, not M, just to say something. i feel so hopeless and helpless. D is really driving me crazy. I know she is painful, she can't help herself, I can't either. What do i do?

LNH,

We are neither one having good days today. I'm here at work right now but only for a little while. I went to visit FIL in the hospital which was probably the best part of the day so far.

I am sick from anxiety. Was hoping that WH meant it when he said that today was the day OW was to walk out of the picture, but since he took HER to visit his dad in the hospital last night, I don't think there's much hope of that.

I don't know what to do next either. And I hurt with you.

Lets try and focus on God, and each time we start to worry or get anxious (which is probably about every 30 seconds for me), we say in our minds "Stop!", and we just keep doing that until we calm down, or it's time to go to bed, or your sis comes home and you call call her, or I'm home with my kids, or whatever.

LL

LL, just finished reading your post. I can see so much similarity between us. Let's help each other out.

I was able to talk to Believer, she is so calm and nice. She is just an angel.

How long did your event last? I asked the same question: Why can't I stop loving him?