Believer, don't expect him to change instantaneously. He has to lie to you now as long as he is with OW. The same as my WH. But he will turn around.

I was having good time here. I tried to eliminate all the neg. thought once they come in my mind. It is a hard battle, but I did it. Yesterday, we went for lunch, after lunch, brother took the kids to swimming. We two were alone. Then we went to see Mama Mia at night. I was great. I wish the time stoped here forever.

I'm so happy that you are having a good time, you deserve it.

It is Easter, a day of hope, so let's all start having some hope.

when will you be talking to SH again? today is the day for my H to talk to SH, prayers to you.

RR, I am praying for your H to have a good talk with SH.

I will not talk to him until after the MB weekend.

well, how do you feel now about the weekend? i know we just have to take one day at a time but how do you feel about the length of time between now and the MB weekend? again, think of it as a race and that you are in it to finish it. the MB seminar is just one of the turns in the road and you have to save your energy to get to there and then once you there i'm sure you'll be energized! wish i could be going to the MB seminar as well but maybe the one in july (MB has not finalized the seminar yet) will be the one i go to.

remember God is there for us and all the people here are for us and that all us BS want to do is the one thing that will put us on the road to recovery so look at the time until the MB seminar as that. i'm sure once your at the seminar things will have more clarity for you. take care and continued prayers to you.

RR and my friends, thank you for thinking of me. I will pray for your tomorrow's seesion too.

It's been a long day today. I came to work late, so there were a lot of things to do, and I didn't have time to post. Here is my report.

WH didn't came home till 4pm Friday. Kids were not happy, you knew. But our driving was good. In the car, S and D read Psalms 21, 23, and 101. I felt so good about them doing it. Then D was reading in the car. When it was getting dark, H asked her stop reading. She kept reading. When he turned aroung, she got caught. H was mad, but D tried to argue that she didn't read, she just wanted to see what page she was(? good excuse). Then H said, I saw you, you have better just ADMIT it and say sorry, then stop doing it, period. Does that sound familiar?

I kept asking him whether he was tired and whehter he wanted me to drive. But he said he could do it. We finally arrived Toronto at about 8:30pm, we went dinner with brother and his family. The kids were so excited. SIL saw me and said, you lost so much weight, how did you do it? Just tell me, I will do the same. I said that you don't want to know, you don't want to do it. Then she asked H, he just said oh I lost weight too. We satyed in borhter's house.

The next day, we got up very late, like 9;30 or later. Then I went to have a hair cut. H didn't have any comment, I asked him how it was. He said it is ok. Then we all went to lunch in a new Chinses mall. It was great. Then brother ans SIL took the kids to swmming. Two of us were left alone. I asked him what he wanted to do, he said that he want ed to sleep. So we went back to the house to sleep. I was tired too. It was about 6pm when we woke up. Then we took shower and changed. Went to down town for Mama Mia. It was a great show. The story was about a single mom and her D, D tried to find her father before her wedding. There were a lot of things poked me. I remember Sam, one of the possible father, said that he was pleading to his wife not to go before a divorce. I almost cried. But I felt so good with my H by me, even he is a WH. I just want the time to stop there. After the show, we went to eat dinner, it was 11pm. It was basicall good that day.

Then on Sunday, we didn't get up till almost 10am. When D got up, she was crying and told me that her dad was not not being nice to her. I told her that she is old enough to know it is the time to get up. She can tell her dad about her feeling, but she doesn't have to cry. It is basiclly the strategy I used. Once again, we went out for brunch. After that we went shopping. Then H wanted to leave, but the kids wanted to stay. I actually wanted to stay longer too, b/c I know that when we come back, things will be back to reality. So finally we satyed for dinner. At dinner, D started a conversation about adultry by commenting on Colby Brian. Then brother, SIL and my mom all saying things about how bad infidelities are, I added to ti that it is a crime in US. Wh couldn't say anything. It made him feel very uncomfortable. I hope that it hit him hard. We left at about 6pm. When we arrived home, it was almost 11pm.

When we wer driving, I tried to have conversation with H. At the beginning, he told me that this was a good trip. He also said that next time we come here, the new mall we went may fill up with shops. I was so happy he said that. Then the kids started their bad behavior. Then he said to D, you shouldn't play with little kids(I don't know why he said so, those are her cousins). D was not happy. Then he said that I came here just for the two of you, I was so bored. We won't come anymore. My heart sanked. I know I should not react on that. I just held it to myself.

When we got home, after unpacking the stuffs and putting kids to bed, he went to use the computer again. He said he will sleep in the guest room again, it made me feel so sad. I know that I have to be patient. I don't know what he thinks and where our M will go.

TOday, I have to work and he is still off. The kids had spring break. When I arrived office, S called and crying. He said that dad was mean to him. But I knew that he was too tired and didn't want to get up. I really want the kids to behave and make him feel the warmth of home. But they don't cooperate. I do think that their behavior would make him feel used. But I don't know what I can do besides keep telling them their father loves them and they have to listen to him.

I do think that H loves his kids and did his best. I do give him credit for going this trip with us. But I still don't feel good about what he did before the trip. I need to address that he has to call me and communicate with me about where he is about.

But I had the bad feeling again, my gut feeling tells me something maybe going on, he may disappear again. This hurt me the most.

Little steps, little steps. He did go with you and we will give him credit for that.

Kids are kids and they will act up. Especially when they know something is going on. But don't worry about it. The whole family will just have to get through this.

You've come this far without LBing, keep it up. Take care of yourself and be good to yourself.

you are doing such a good job, keep it up! sounds like the weekend went well overall and he did go. let us know how your doing, we're all here for you and are happy for the strides you are making. remember baby steps or chip away because we are in a race to finish not to sprint. prayers to you.

Thank you for your encouragement. I do see baby steps in my situation. I really praise GOD for that.

I feel ok today. I got up early today to cook a lunch for H so he can have fresh food for lunch. Usaually he only took the left over. Then I gave him a massage before he got up, during that I told him nicely that I prefer him to stay home, but if he decides not to come, please give me a call and take my calls too. He agreed. He agreed before, but probably he FORGOT. I also thank him for staying home with kids yesterday. Then I asked him whehter he can take half day off tomorrow, because I have to work till late, he said ok.

Yesterday, when I came home, they just arrived home from shopping. H bought a kids a fish tank, but no fish. I will have to go buy them a fish today, I told the kids to finish homework before we can go. He also bought them hamburgers for dinner. Then he cooked for me and himself. Isn't that nice.

After dinner and everything, we watched a Chinese movie bought from Toronto. It was the first time he sat by me willingly, we ate snachs together. I felt good. But the kids didn't understand Chinese, so it gave me a chance to educate them about the importance to go to Chinese school. It was a good movie. After that, he took out the gabages, and I put the kids to bed. I talked to D a little bit, when I kissed them good night. H was alreay in his bed, so I went to kiss him goodnight too. It feels like I have another kid.

I did have a good night sleep last night. I prayed and thank GOD for that the first thing i woke up. Now I realized that my diahhrea and other symptoms are stress related, I don't have that anymore since Frdiay. I hope that it will last.

I know that steady and slowly will win the race. I am not running a sprint, it is a marathon. Maybe 2 years later, when i look back, I know I did it.

RR, how is your seesion with SH today. I've been praying for you.

Believer, how are you doing? thinking of you all the time.

i posted my session today under the GQII forum and says "4th session w/SH today 4/13/04 and the plan.........

i think you have an excellent grasp on things and are doing well. your insight w/God, to what is going on, and the "typical" american way of thinking is very comforting and i hope you see it that way and i'm glad you're here keeping us posted <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> it's amazing what are bodies can do in response to stress, even to the point of causing a limb to feel paralyzed! it's called a psychosomatic symptom. anyway........

you are on the right path no matter what happens because you are on God's path. if you have a chance reply to marie elena's post under the GQII forum with her question about confronting the OW. I think she would benefit from what you have to say and seeking God's will in what we are all doing. prayers to you.

RR, I did reply to Marie/s posting.

Today, I spent a lot of time reading other posting. Meanwhile trying to sort out last year's stuff. I found out every year, h sorted out all credit card bills, bank statements, pay subs, etc. It went back to 1992. So I did the same today, and threw out the old stuff. I do appreciate what he did and hope that he would continue doing it for our family.

I also found out today, I paid the utility company instaed of the mortgage company in the online payment. So I have to rush to pay the mortgage in order not to have a late payment. Now you can see how absent minded I am now.

It is almost 8pm here, H is still not home and I don't expect him. I want to have a peace mind, even though my heart aches a little bit.

Lostnhurt-

Hang in there and keep hanging in there. You are doing very well.

I fell off Plan B and talked my WH into retiring. He was so happy. But as I posted here, he is continuing to lie to me. When I asked him for $385.,he said he could only scrape up $300. This is the first money I have gotten from him in a year.

This is how he pays me back. He took out $200. on the weekend to spend on OW. Today he spent $100. on a tatoo. Now I am beginning to have second thoughts.

When he got a chance to retire, he will get a bonus of $25,000. I thought that if I helped him, he would help me. I did promise not to file for divorce. But I have a feeling that he is going to continue to march and blow the bonus.

Believer, I think that we BS had put too much hope on WS, which in turn hurts us badly. I read your story, but I am glad that you get up quickly.

I feel so bad now, he disappeared again. I even don't know why he went to Toronto. I would rather that he just gone forever.

MIL just called, I will talk to her.

Think about telling MIL what is going on. I protected my H from the consequences of his breaking my arm -- consequences that no doubt would have included jail. The A was far far worse emotionally and may well have ended had I opened my mouth to his family. But I was trying to preserve the M. Instead, I helped to preserve conditions that allowed the A to continue...

I feel bad for you. I am thinking of you tonight...Remember that he is an addict and someday he will feel just terrible about what he did to his family, pain that may fade but will never really go away because of his selfishness.

Cherished, I've been thinking about you too. How is everything with you.

MIL said that she couldn't get a hold of H for a long time. I was the one kept calling her and informed her everything. I told him to call her, she left messages in his cell phone many times, but he never called her back. She was so angry with him now. She is in my side.

D and I had a short conversation. She said that she doesn't like that her dad not being home a lot. She was so sad. I told her that I understand her feeling, mom is sad about the situation too, but working on in. She should express her feeling to dad. She agreed. I also told her that she can help by acting good, and listen. Stop whining. She said that she wants attention, I told her it is the opposite. I started apply the strategy here. It seemed that she listened a little. I hope that she can change too, and our family will become a better one.

Believer,

Your WH and my WH do sound a lot alike. Mine got a new tattoo (and OW got a matching one) back in December. Yours has a Harley, too, right?

Does he have other tattoos? Mine has three of them. Maybe it's really ink poisoning and not an addiction after all?! (kidding... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )

All I can do is pray for strength for you and ask that you do the same for me. It is hard. My WH's A started, as near as I can figure, back in September as an E/A but it may have been a month earlier. I didn't realize it until October. So although I've never done a true Plan B, I can attest to how hard it is to have it continue month after month.

I know every BS is devastated when they find out about the A, but I do sometimes envy those who's WS is willing to break things off and work on the marriage at the point the A first comes to light.


LNH,

You just hang in there. I was glad to hear you felt better physically over the weekend. You needed that, and I hope it is the start of more better days for you. I'm glad you had such a good weekend, and that your WH was also able to talk to SH a while back. Wish mine would talk to Jennifer tomorrow, but he refuses.

I'm sorry to hear you are alone again tonight, but sounds like you are on the right track with your DD. Mine is not willing to be cooperative, so it's tougher. She wants to make her dad miserable for hurting her, but I think based on her frequent questions about him, wants him back, too.

I don't know what to do myself. Just hanging in there until the call tomorrow night with Jennifer. Then I'm down to probably only being able to afford one more session with her, unless I start running up a credit card bill, and I really hate to do that.

Hopefully she will be able to encourage me. I wish I had a recorder to tape the conversation. I felt good after our last call, but just reading my scribbled notes, I don't get quite the same feeling now. I'd like to hear the whole thing again because I know there are so many things that I heard at the time that were positive, that I can't remember now.

Lets all continue to pray for each other.

LL

<small>[ April 13, 2004, 11:22 PM: Message edited by: lordslady ]</small>

Oh, friends, another sleepless night. I am back to the low point of the rollercoaster.

H is still not home now, I guess he won't be. But I have to go to work, and kids are home. He supposed to come half day to take care of the kids. I hope he will do that.

Last night after hung up with MIL, I called H. As usual, he didn't answer the call. I left him a message asking him to call his parents. I went to bed. My cell phone rang at 1am, it was H. He said that he was sorry and he wouldn't come home. I asked him where he was, he said out there. Where? Do you need to sleep? He said, I just called my parents. I asked him again, don't you need to sleep and how? He said, don't worry, I will be sleeping alone(???). I sigh, and said good bye.

Then at 2am, sis called. She was thinking about me. I couldn't sleep anyway. She said that it maybe time to go to plan B. I agree. Then we said that we will hang in till after the MB weekend. I only have 9 more days to go before the cruise. These 9 days are long.

The whole night, I couldn't sleep. I prayed a lot and think a lot. Now I finally understand the meaning of Plan B. This weekend gave me some false hope, and he is back to the same old trash again. It hurts, hurts a lot. Last few weeks, I felt better already, but now I am back to square one. Plan B may protect my feeling.

Please pray for me to get out of this low soon.

LL - Yes my WH has a Harley, 2 in fact, a 73 Shovelhead, and a new 2003. He has one tatoo that says "Trust in Jesus". So I think the other one was for OW.

But anyway girls, we just gotta pick ourselves up and go on. It helps to have lots of projects and activities. I try to keep busy and not think of WH and OW. I intend to have a good life with or without WH.

Believer, I know that I have to move on with or without WH. I have to pick myself up. But this weak moment is so hard. I will try to work myself out.