Believer, you are right. But what am I doing? Why should I give him a hair cut? Why didn't he ask OW to do it? I am just mad.

You are giving him power over you. Don't do it. Try to look at the bright side. Now we can hear from you tonight. Also try to rest up some and enjoy your kids.

You are right Believer. I am going to take a shower now, then read the book I got today, Remedy for Divorce. I went for a walk before he came home, I feel tired now. I need this tireness to put me in sleep.

Hey, that's the book I want to get. Let me know if you learn anything from it.

I will definitely do. I hope that I can learn the skill to stop the D. I even had nothing to say to WH when I gave him the hair cut, dead silence. He was so bored last night too. I feel sorry for him.

Just keep it in your mind that he is addicted. He will continue to do strange things. Finally it will be over, and then he will be sorry. But not now. Hang in there.

LNH,

I'm sorry to hear about the haircut experience. It really hurts when you do something nice because they asked and then they just turn and walk away. It's a little like I felt last week when I invited WH to dinner, and he showed up, ate while I was upstairs on the phone to Jennifer, and then fell asleep and couldn't be awakened once I was back downstairs. And then he just came into my room the next morning and said, "I'm leaving. Bye." And that was it.

Just keep hanging on for that cruise and he MBW. Those are your goals right now. And keep reading the Bible and praying. And keep busy.

I'm going to log offline now and work on some bills. I know it's 11pm your time, but if you end up awake and on here and can't sleep, I'll be up for another hour or so. Give me a call if you want.

LL

I feel so frustrated for all these.

D was upset about me going to cruise. She was crying. But I told her that mom is very upset on things happening, I need to take a break. She is too little to take all of these.

It is sad how much this hurts families. But you have no control over that. It will be good for WH to reconnect with kids when you are gone.

Try to get some sleep tonight so you don't fall asleep while driving.

I am listening to some message tape: the title is How to Know GOD's Will.

I really need to know that. I want to know what GOD wants me to do.

Lostnhurt,
When you get to Harley's program, just focus on it and don't worry about the other books, etc. I am so underwater just trying to understand his program that I'm forgetting things -- like a Mom showed up yesterday with her 5 year old whom I had agreed to babysit!

Cherished

Cherished Believer and my other friends,

Good morning.

Last night, I tried to read the book. How I wish I had gotton this book a year ago, it was sitting in the library. I know that I have to concentrate on Harley's program, but i don't see anythng inconflict with his things yet. I will keep reading.

Last night, H didn't come home till 12:30pm, I was still reading b/c I couldn't sleep. But after that, I slept ok, not the best i want, but It was ok. I praised and thanked GOD first when I open my eyes. I found out that concentrate on GOD helps me a lot.

How are you doing Cherished. i hope you days were good and will have a good day today.

I will have to meet a client this evening. H agreed to take care of the kids. I do appreciate that he always be supportive with my business. I said thank you to him, is that enough to show my appreciation?

Lostnhurt, I know that Harley said in the private e-mail section that Light My Fire has some conflict with his program, but what I am finding is that I am overwhelmed just with trying to understand and go through Harley's program while taking care of the children and the house. Today I run a Girl Scout meeting, on Saturday is our son's First Communion so we have relatives over, etc. Meanwhile, we are trying to spend 15 hours per week together alone figuring out how to meet each other's emotional needs.

We are doing OK. I got an e-mail response from Harley today on what do to about my supecting the affair may still be going on. I also wanted to know what to do about feeling "violated" because of the affair. Remember -- the affair supposedly ended May 4, 2002. We are almost up to two years.

Enjoy your cruise --
Cherished

good morning lost, good job at controlling the LB's and the anger. you are doing so well despite what you are being put through. i bet those were some good messages about doing God's will. i know that i'm struggling a lot w/this as well but as my mom said even the people that we would consider really close to God (pastor, ministers, priests, etc.) struggle w/this as well. think about what you're doing as something that you can look back on and say you did "good." remember the marathon analogy, yes, it's a race but not a sprint so do what you can to stay the course. after all it's almost cruise time <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> continued prayers to you.

Cherished,

I admire your patience and courage for hanging so long. I even don't know whether Wh is no contact or not. Last night he told me he was watching basket ball game in a bar. I don't know what to believe. Your h was home right?

You are mom for 4 kids, you are still running a girl scout. That is amazing. I just taught Sunday school. I would do the VBS in June. Yesterday, i saw a help wanted sign in the library cafe, i wanted to go too, b/c i want to be occupied as much as possible.

lostnhurt -
As long as he is acting strange, there is probably contact. So don't get your hopes up. I heard about the tornadoes back there and am worried about everyone. I am watching the pictures on TV right now.
Keep up the good work, you are doing fine, much better than I've ever done.

I agree with believer that he is probably lying and having contact. If he agrees to the program, contact will become difficult and he will need to spend time with you!!!

I don't put my hope on him at all. His behavior now really hurts me and the kids, it doesn't matter there is contact or not. he just doesn;t want to commit to M. I am looking up to GOD and rely on HIM for strength to survive now.

I went to shopping a little bit, tried to buy few shirts for the crusie. I found out now I have to wear XS. I feel so bad now, diarehhar also comes back. For some moment, the bad feelings bothered me, but praying calm me down.

One way i look forward to the cruise. On the other hand, my heart aches so much when I think about leaving them, even only for 6 days. How wish this is a family vacation!

Lostnhurt -

You NEED to go on this cruise. Go and have a good time. Take some books and try to relax. Find some souvenirs for the kids, and they will be happy.

I think it will be good for you to be gone and have WH be with his kids.

Believer,

I know I need to take this vacation and have good time, and i will. So when I came back i will have more energy.

Just hung up wiyh WH. We can talk so calmly now. D called to akse to pick her up in the library, so I called him b/c I have to see a client at 6:30pm. He told me to enjoy the cruise, I thanked him for taking care of the kids. I wished we were like this before. I keep praying that we can become one family again, under GOD.