You will be a strong family again. Just hang on.

Thank you Believer, you are always so encouraging, not only to me, to all other people here. i really appreciate and admire you.

How is your day? Anything from your WH? I still want to know what happened to Leo.

i know my H has even said that he was glad we can talk the way we have been and is glad we can still hug each other after all this. you know deep down that your H is a good person and just under a tremendous fog right now, if you didn't feel that way then you wouldn't be having the struggle that you are having. i think once you're on the cruise it will be easier to "lighten" up. afterall, it's not like you can just go home once you're on the boat <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> BTW, where are you going on your cruise? is it all inclusive? remind me again exactly when you will be leaving so that i won't be paranoid when you're not posting here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

RR and my friends,

S came back from school, I cooked him dinner. He is eating, listen to music and doing his homework. I will be leaving in less than an hour to meet my client for mortgage. Glad to get another one, so I can pay for the cruise.

I will be leaving Friday morning before the kids get up, I know that I will be heart broken leaving them. I am also glad that they are still sleeping. I will fly to NY and board Carnival ship to Bermuda. I will be back Apr. 29. It is relatively inexpensive, it is $299 for 6 nights all inclusive except air. The air ticket is $170.

Today while Wh and I were talking, he told me that he was having his chlestral level and blood pressure checked at work when I called. He told me that was the reason he did not pick up my call. Then we talk about his health, he is taking Zocor to control his c level, but the blood pressure is a little high. I told him that maybe excersice help and I am walking everyday. He was so surprised. But anyway, I just wish he can take care of himself too.

I believe in God's providential care, and the timing of your cruise seems to be something that could be interpreted as God's care for you. You are leaving WH with S and D -- so, when is he going to see OW? He'll figure out that choosing OW means hurting you, S, and D -- I hope!

The MBW can be a fresh start for you!

LNH,

That is a really good price for the cruise! I agree with Cherished--seems like things are just working out for you so that you can relax, spend time with your sister, and build strength and then you're off to your MBW.

Your kids will miss you, but they're old enough to spend a little time away from you. I know how hard it is. I have had to travel with my job since my DD was 5 months old. I hate that part of the job, and it was very hard when they were young (really, still is, though I haven't traveled as much in the last 2 years) to fly out on Monday morning and not fly back until Friday night.

It will give your WH a good chance to see what he could be losing, having to stay with the kids. And your kids do need time with their father, too.

LL

I wanna go on a cruise. It sounds like such fun.

Lost, just checking in w/you today and to let you know again, that we are all pulling for you and here for support. wish we could all go on a cruise together <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> glad you will back for a little bit before the MBW so you can give us an update before you're off again. just think you can start counting down the "hours" now. continued prayers and strength to you.

Thank you all my friends. You are so encouraging. Yes, we should all go together, the group of BS(Beautiful )

Yesterday I didn't get home till 9pm. I was so tired and hungry. I prepared all the food, only need to be cooked. But when i came home there was nothing to eat. WH let the kids eat the left over, he said he ate at work. I was so mad, but I didn't LB. I asked him whehter he can cook for me while I was taking a shower. he did. I thanked him. It was almost 11pm after putting kids to bed and everything. I was sooooo tired, wfell asleep right away. Sis called, I told her that I was too tired to talk.

This morning I got up at 6am. But I am still so sleepy, I couldn't understand why. I have to take a nap now in order to keep going. There is only one final exam left today, i am done.

Lostnhurt -

Don't fall asleep today and drive into another car.

Hey, I like the cruise idea. That would be fun. We could have a marriagebuilders cruise. I'm going back to work today after 3 days off. Hope they missed me.

I took a nap, and drank a lot of tea. I feel better now. I praised GOD for giving me a good night sleep.

But now the bad feeling is coming bad, I have an urge to call WH, just want to hear his voice. I know that I can not call, I have to fight with it.

How long do I have to go through this? Will he ever come back?

I will miss my children and Wh in the next few days. But I will get charged so I can hang in longer.

Finished giving final and grading and posting grades. I am heading home to pack.

But I don't feel good at all. All my anxiety symptoms come back, cold hands, swaeting, shaking and nervous. I just talked to sis, she told me not to think too far. I know.

I also sent an e-mail to WH telling him I appreciate him to be supportive for my business and taking care of the kids, and some info about Lasik. He actually help D for her homework. He had mentioned about wanting to do a Lasik procedure, but don't know much. Hope that I can help him that way. But he also told me he will be going out tonight to bars with people from other locations for a conference(How do i know he is not out with OW?) But maybe that is a trigger.

i know, reminding ourselves that we are on a rollercoaster does little to make us feel better sometimes. i'm starting to feel a little frustrated myself right now. I had called my H earlier today and left a message for him to call me back because i had some questions about the phone bills. i said i was going out (at the time i called) but would be back by 1300. so he calls me at 1247 and leaves me a VM on my cell phone. says hey "roughroad" we always used to say hey "hon." got your message blah blah blah, i don't have your work number memorized yet, blah blah, give me a call on your cell phone on your way home from work and i'll try to have mine on me, blah blah blah.

why is it so easy to say thanks "hon" or thank you sweetheart to a waitress but not to his own wife? and i am still his wife. of course, he has his cell phone on him at ALL times so the precious OW can get in contact w/him. am i ever going to get a chance to tell him how all these little things make me feel? no because we BS are supposed to be just so perfect during this time. you know he said one of the things he liked about me was my feistiness (sp?) and i certainly put that in over drive over the years to the point where my mom felt sorry for my H. and now that i've "changed" or learned what DJ and AO's are as well as other LB's and know i can't do those then is he really going to appreciate that someday? or is he just going to think that now im just a completely different person than who he married, again?

sorry for taking over your thread, just kind of frustrated. i think i would be better if i could talk to SH more and certainly if my H talked to SH again but those things can't be helped right now. i'm going to call my MIL either tomorrow or some time this weekend and see what she thinks about me coming to visit. maybe that will make some sort of difference, who knows. maybe part of it is i just pigged out at lunch and haven't been working out like i have been so i'm feeling guilty. i guess just a bunch of emotions running amuck right now.

well, i hope you feel better and i will definitely be hitting the gym tonight. prayers to you.

RR,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> of course, he has his cell phone on him at ALL times so the precious OW can get in contact w/him </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh, the cell phone dilemma. I experience that, too. My WH always has his phone on, but he never answers my calls. I always have to leave a message and then he calls back. However, if he can't get ME on MY cell phone immediately, he often leaves a snotty message about my not answering. I want to tell him how I feel about it. I've even made a couple somewhat vague, joking comments, but nothing serious. I know I can't. It's a LB.

LNH,

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad again today. I'm sure a lot of it is "nerves" about going on the cruise tomorrow and leaving the kids behind.

Just remember the same thing I always had to tell myself when I had to travel--they're in God's hands. Ultimately He's in control. You can't control everything or be there for them all the time. Believe me, as they get into their teens, this becomes very important to remember. It was very difficult letting my almost-18-yr-old DS drive to Minneapolis on Monday. It's a 240 mile trip one way. He's never driven in a city that size. But I know I have to let go, because he'll be going off to college next fall. I had to trust that God would keep him safe. And he made it back fine.

Your kids will be fine with their dad. I don't mean this in a bad way at all, but you'll probably miss them more than they'll miss you. Just go have fun. Rest. Enjoy the beauty of the ocean, and of the islands. Buy yourself something special to remember the trip by. May the weather be beautiful and the seas calm for you.

Do update us on how the cruise went before you go to your MBW if you can.

And you have my email address. If you take a digital camera along and take some great pictures, email me a couple. I'd love to see what Bermuda looks like.

Is your weather decent enough so you can go walk today? Or can you maybe tidy the house and make sure everything is ready for you to leave. Anything to take your mind off things and keep you active until tomorrow comes.

Believer,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Hey, I like the cruise idea. That would be fun. We could have a marriagebuilders cruise. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think that's a great idea. We'll leave LNH in charge of finding one at a cheap price, like hers is, and then we'll all meet at the ship and go relax and enjoy together! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LL

<small>[ April 22, 2004, 01:50 PM: Message edited by: lordslady ]</small>

I am back home now. Thanks for all the conforting words, LL. I will look for something good for cruise if you are intersting.

RR, I feel your frustration. They all behave the same. I stopped calling my WH especially on the days he disappeared. You know what, we got our cell phone in Dec. as family plan, he told me it would be easy for him to call me. But the first call he made was to OW. When the bill came in Jan., pages of calls to her, when he called me for 1 min, right after that, he called OW for hours. That is how I discovered OW. I can feel my anger while writing this. But let's put it behind us, pick ourselves up. Head to the gym.

I will take a walk again later after the kids come home. I haven't packed yet. Only made a list. But i will do it.

I will send pictures to you all or post it in the MB photo site.

Better get packing, girl. You want to be sure not to forget anything.

I will have to pick up D now. She joined a track team and need to practice everyday. S will come home 4:30pm. After they came home, i will pack and go for a walk.

please have some fun for us <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> but have the most fun for yourself. probably won't get to post to you again before you leave for your trip (the only computer access i have is at work). so many prayers to you during this trip that you will remain strong but "relaxed."

It's great that your daughter is in track. That is sure to raise her endomorphins. It will be very good for her.

Please have a good time on the cruise and forget about all of your problems. We will miss you.

Just put D in bed. She was crying not wanting me to go. I was sad to. No matter how I explain to her, she just cry. She said that she doesn't trust her dad, she thought she is abandoned. I told her to call her frand parents(in laws) if anything happens. I know it doesn't help, but at least it is their so, they need to know it.

This evening was a ciaos. I forgot that i had to tutor. When the student was here, I was surprised. But I maneged through it. Now, all thing are set except that Wh is somewhere out there. he is supposed to send me to the airport. But I put everything in GOD, I know that GOD will take care of everything.

Thanks my friends. I will miss you.