LNH,

Thanks for calling. I'm so sorry that your DD is having so much difficulty with your being gone. It is tough for her, but she needs to see her mom taking care of herself, too. (I know this because I've been told it many times myself--that instead of worrying about everyone else, I need to show my kids that I care enough about me to take care of myself.)

I hope your WH is home by now and that you are getting some much-needed sleep by this time.

If you check in tomorrow before you leave, this is me wishing you "happy cruising". Otherwise, I'll look forward to hearing an update when you return.

Try and stay calm. Eat well. Do lots of sister-bonding. Take a picture to email to me. Buy your kids a couple really unique gifts. Try and enjoy the beauty that God created while you're out there.

LL

i know you're not here and unable to post right now but just wanted to say i've been thinking about you and hope that you are doing a lot better than i am right now. post when you get back before you go to the MBW if you can. prayers to you.

LNH,

This is to let you know I'm thinking about you, too. I hope you're getting some badly needed rest and relaxation and that you are having an enjoyable time with your sister.

LL

Hi, friends, back from cruise. Still feel rocking like in the ship. No time to report the detail, b/c need to pacjk to go to MB tomorrow,.

lostnhurt -

We have really missed you. Please let us know what is going on.

I miss all of you too. The trip was very very fun. A lot of detail and photos. Bermuda was beautiful. It is nice to get a way, but I still feel like in the ship, rocking and rocking. I need to go to bed now and get up early to catch tomorrow morning's flight. Will give you great detail report when I come back.

LNH,

Yeah! You took photos. I hope some were on a digital camera so you can email me a couple. I've never been anywhere like that. Would love to see what it looks like!

You've missed some things with me and WH's situation. I won't go into detail here but I made a mistake (actually made the initial mistake 8 years ago) but in anger told mutual person (not mutual friend anymore). It got back to WH. BAD thing! Brought back a lot of hurt and pain and guilt on my part. I'm better now because I realize that God has forgiven me and I am sorry, but WH is still making it an issue, which I understand.

Aside from that, WH and OW are still together. He is turning in his keys to his apartment on Friday but she was still living there as late as this evening.

He is bringing his things home to store, but I don't think he's moving back in yet. I have laid out boundaries for him--no OW and no drinking or no moving back in. It is very scary to tell him this because on one hand I thought maybe having him back under this roof would give us a chance to grow back togeher and then he'd let go of the other things.

But lots of posters have warned me not to let him come home yet, because having him back and then having it be a false recovery is just as painful as the initial D-day.

I am starting to get past the worst of the pain, I think. Don't get me wrong, I am very lonely most of the time and I still can't imagine WH not being in my life. But because he's been gone for so long, I've settled into a bit of a routine around home with the kids and I'm at least able to eat and actually have an appetite again. This really didn't start happening until the last couple weeks, so it took about 6 months from D-day to improve. It's been a long haul and I'm sure I'll still have lots of down days throughout whatever happens.

I know tomorrow will be really tough, and I think knowing that I am not worth giving up OW and drinking for will probably set in this weekend and I'll go back through my depression. I hope to try and stay too busy to notice for as long as I can.

DS's prom is Saturday, and then he turns 18 on Sunday. That will keep me busy. Then there's lots to do at work next week because the following Monday, May 10th, I fly out with my company to my symposium at Disney World for three days. I don't want to go, but it's mandatory.

Once I get back, I have to dive in and get the house ready for DS's graduation reception coming up way too fast. Then there's his actual graduation. I'm not really looking forward to Memorial Day weekend at the end of all of it, because I doubt that WH and I will be back in recovery yet, and he'll be out partying with friends and I'll be alone. I'll have to find something to do.

But that's a long ways off yet. Who knows what will be going on by then.

I'm trying to take one day at a time. I pray a lot. I've found a Christian contemporary group that I like very well and I listen to their CD in my car when I drive. I stay busy at work and with the kids. I think the nice weather and the flowers are helping my mood, too.

And finally....I have to admit I spend a lot of time in denial of everything, and I rather like it there. It's peaceful....

Take care and have safe travels. I look forward to your updates when you're back!!

LL

can't wait to get the full scoop when you get back, will be especially praying for everyone at the MBW and hope that it does the trick <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

lostnhurt -

Glad you are back. We have REALLY missed you. I will be praying for you and the others at the MB weekend. Hang in there, you can do this.

LNH,

Howa doin'? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Let us know how the MB session went. Hope we can meet us tomorrow. You have my # right? I maybe giving you call around lunch or later.

Hugz,
L.

lostnhurt -

Glad that your MB weekend went OK. It must have been fun to meet Dad and Mom to 3 boys.

My WH is coming around making reconciling noises. He still has OW but tells me he wants to get rid of her. I have not told OW's H because I don't want to get his hopes up. Also I am not sure that I want WH back. In fact, I don't think I do.

Hang in there, your WH will come around. Save your strength for recovery. We women have kept our families together through the centuries. You can continue to do this.

Lostnhurt --
You'll see that I take full advantage of Harley's e-mail support when you have access to the private e-mail. It's really helped me, although you'll see that I am thinking that my H simply doesn't want to build a life together. I hope that your H woke up this last weekend.
Cherished

anxious to hear from you when you get a chance. lots to update us on <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> wishing you continued strength and prayers to you.

LNH,

I, like everyone, else am eager to hear all about your MBW and how things are with you. Also eager to hear all about your cruise, and hoping when things finally settle down a bit for you, you'll have some time to email me a couple so I can see a little of what you saw on the cruise!!

LL

Hellooo, my friends. I feel so good about all my friends thinking of me. It is a nice feeling for being loved.

We arrived the airport 12am, and got home about 1am. The kids were exsauhsted, so was I. But I still manage to get up at 6am, b/c that is the time for D to get up and go to school. But she didn't want to get up, she just get up now and I am going to send her to school soon. I will give you detail one when I come back.

lostnhurt,

Well, we missed you at the dinner. Hope R is improving.

-rh-

<small>[ May 03, 2004, 11:07 AM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

Here I am finally.

First of all, I want to say that nothing magical happened. But there were little things worth mentioned and there is a long long way to go. No matter what, this is a seminar worthy to go. Contentwsie, it is nothing new to me, they are all in this website. I believe I know all of them. But the most important thing is that WH was there and he got exposed, and we need to do our follow up home work.

First, let me report positive things.

1. He was there, didn't miss anything. At least he sat there for the entire course, how much get in his heart, I don't know.

2. We arrived in lasw's apartment on Friday afternoon, they cooked good food for us, after that they urged us to go, not to be late. We made there on time, 7pm, when the seminar started.

3. The first evening ended at about 9:30pm. I asked him whether he wanted to go out. He said, you didn't like to go out before. I said, I am just suggesting. He said he is too tired, he wanted to sleep. I said ok, you know that I am much more tired than him.

4. After we went to the room, he was watching TV. I was lying next to him. He said that this is a king size bed, why are you so close to my side. I said that I want to be close to you, if this is a problem to you, I can move. But he didn't say anything. I fell asleep.

5. THen he was restless and waking me up. I knew that he wanted sex. We ended up making love. That night was crazy. We did it 4 times. please don't laugh at me. I haven't have sex for long time. I could tell that there was nothing new in him. I sort of thing that his A maybe an EA. I don't know.

6. Next day, we went to the seminar on time. But he kept yarning and looking at the schedule, he wanted a break. Finally, in the 10am break, he told me that he was too sleepy, he wanted to sleep. I was very upset first, then I calm down and told him to take a good rest, anyway, after what happened last night, he should be tired. THen I talked to Dr. Harley and told him that I was disappointed with WH's act. He sounded sympathetic. I feel that he is not as optimistics as SH. I started to look for Mom and Dad to 3 boys. I called them, but ptobably they phobe was shooot off, I still coulnd't find them.

4. 15 min later, the seminar resumed, I was doing all the questionare, in his book WH left them blank. THen the door opened, there he walked in. I was so surprised and said aren't you tired? He said the sleepness was over, so he came. I told him that he miss the part that there are couples married for few months, and some are not married yet. He commented, we should have been here before our M. But you would not want to pay for the money. Then he asked me how much this seminar was. I told him it is about $800. He didn't say anything.

5. FInally at lunch, I asked each table about Momto3boys and found them. It was very nice to meet them and talk to them. I told WH, the WH just shaked hands and say Hi. Wh said that are they going to D? I said no, they wanted to reconsile, that's why they are here. Then I learned that SH was there too, we talked to him. SH asked him how he thought about the concepts. Wh said it would be ok if it was few years ago, but it is too late now. SH said you never know, why don't you give a try. Wh didn't comment.

6. We sticked to the end of the seminar. He sat there and listen to all. I hope that he will not apply to OW. Finally, we all have to echange the quationares, and fill out more forms. He did the questionare, it was a relief for me. But I don't know how much truth he told. He put SF as #9. But anyway, I am glad he did it. They Dr. Harley asked each couple to signed an agreement to work on the M. WH refused to and said things will work by heart, not by signiture.

7. Finally, Dr. Harley asked each couple has to do the follow up HW. He asked us to schedule 3 hrs per week to finish the assigment, we have to start immediately. I asked WH that what was his time and expected an rejection. But he gave me some times! I have to teach M, T, TH., evenings, he told me to do them T, Th, and Sunday 10pm. I asked him why not W. F., evenings, but he said no. I know that he will be disappearing because I don;t teach. But I am looking at the positive side. I will see whehter er can put it in action tomorrow evenings.

8. Then we said till the Q&A question too. But he refused to go to dinner with Orchid and Redhat, I was disappointed. He told me that we will go to in laws, and he will stayed overnight there, I will take the kids back to hotel. I was upset about it. But I didn't show it. Anyway, I wish the seminar was longer, it was very rush to the points.


Well, I have to take D to dentist and conseling this afternoon, then I have to teach. I will write more when I have time. SIs also called asking me about the same thing. I am so trilled that I am in so many people's mind. I thank GOD and praise HIM.

hallelujah! we're updated <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> i think you are doing very well, still not having expectations and being realistic. as for the sex thing, don't think i would have been able to pass it up either, it's been since october 03 for me. glad you got to meet both the harleys. it's probably hard to tell or too soon to tell about the MBW and it's affect on your H but as SH would probably say, the seeds have been planted. thinking if maybe i might be able to ask my H to go to the next MBW as part of a condition of separation. not sure we are even at that point yet but just something i've thought about for quite some time. anyway, write more when you can.

lostnhurt -

Sounds pretty promising to me. He went, and attended the seminar, had SF. Let's give him some credit. Yay, Mr. lostnhurt!

He may still be in the fog, but the seeds have been planted.

just checking in w/you today and hope that you are doing the best that you can. think of your plight often and send you continued prayers.