So sorry, but I can't take the ultimatims any longer. There is no affair but the "friend" that he keeps referring to, I have known his family for a long time. My friends father is dying of cancer and yes he has other friends to talk to. We don't talk much but I do check up on progress (he on a feeding tube. This is a man that I have known for a long time. I am supposed to just send flowers and not care?)That is what my H thinks. My family has been supportive because they know that I am NOT having an affair. I doubt that I will ever choose to be in another relationship after this. Thank you for your support to both of us, but to all of you that don't know me, I feel terrible that you will judge me upon what my H. believes. I feel that all of this has made me quite bitter. My H. reads the MB posts and hears everyone tell him that I am having an EA. He then contacts me and after he says he believes me, he turns around and says he doesn't. I realized my mistake and stopped it dead in it's tracks. Ask him, I am a VERY strong person. I will not be controlled. I again recognized my mistake in letting the control happen in my marriage and have taken that into account and have gone ahead and filed after He again made ultimatums. He cannot trust ( I told him just to get back into my e-mails, He hacked into them in the first place.) Maybe we will both be in healthier places alone. He needn't worry about me having a relationship that's 1500 miles away. I can't see how he could even think it would or could happen. I feel sad that he couldn't just listen to me. I had been trying!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Oceangirl,

No one here is trying to "judge" anyone.We all take what people say with a grain of salt because there just isn't anyway to be 100% sure of what they tell us.It is very obvious to me that you are both on a downward spiral to the point of no return because you are both angry.I also am not saying that you should stay in your marriage, that is a very personal choice and one that only *you should make.

However,when it comes to relationships and marriage in particular,the two people(you too BBQ) in it have a responsibility to guard each other's hearts.What you are saying essentially is that this relationship with the other man,friend or foe,is more important than your H right now IMHO.Why? Because it matters not that he is hurt by your contact with him,even if there is no affair going on.Relationships with people of the opposite sex can be appropriate at times but not to the detriment of the marriage and the other persons feelings.That should always be the priority.

It is clear that you have both played a part in how your marriage is today and there is even a chance that your H may have had more than his share or that you may have fueled the fire more.We will never for sure because we are here on the internet.But I think it still comes down to this: both of you should drop your weapons(LB's) and call a truce and see if going to a trained professional to help you learn how to talk to each other can help save your marriage.

But if that's not what you want and you are not willing to take that step,then I guess we will start posting to you over on the D board and I will apologize for my opinions.Good luck to you.

O

P.S. Distance can make it difficult to have an affair but it is not impossible.My WH was involved with the OW and she lived 3000 miles away.Good ole cell phone and e-mails can keep people in touch in a heartbeat. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I think we both hit rock bottom. I have been trying so much harder than I ever thought I would after the I WILL K** YOU comment. I didn't believe that I could ever get past it. I think I still thought of it daily but have come to terms with it in my own way. I was just asking him to try to listen to me and try to do the same. Please don't apologize. These times are not easy for anyone. I am trying to find some happiness with in myself I had been doing well, off and on until his post today and then an email ultimatum today. He says I'm stubborn, probably so, he is too! I have found that piece of me again. I gave it up long ago to "survive emotionally" in my marriage. I hope things work out for you in your marriage. You will find in the divorce section at this point. I can't go on feeing this bad and it's not fair to he either.
Good Luck