<BR>HP,<P>I have to agree with the others on this. Do not rush out and file for divorce...it could very well be what Frank Pittman calls an "accidental divorce." I can tell you've hit the Plan A limit - so now switch to Plan B.<P>As for later divorce, its always an option. But my guess is that you should give Plan B a chance now. You'll probably find Plan B easier to execute anyhow because you won't have the incessant arguing going on. <P>Just my thoughts,<P>Bystander

<B>tnt</B> -- I don't even know if I want to "date", but why are you so against it? I'm just trying to understand where you are coming from.<P><B>dMac</B> -- Yeah, buddy, everything you say makes sense, but I have to figure out and do what's right for me. Right now, I do know, but one thing I've learned here is to never stop investigating, asking questions and growing. I will continue to do these things, but this is where I'm at right now. I understand, tomorrow may be different and I am open to that.<P>Thanks, man....<P><B>fairenough</B> -- Thanks for the support. It is good to hear of a personal success story from someone who has travelled the road I've chosen(for now, dMac!!). What people sometimes forget is the every road you choose in this process can be fraught with pain, suffering and at least some financial impact. If you choose a Plan B, the <B>potential</B> payoff is greater than Plan "D", but how much of yourself do you lose in the process.<P>There are a lot of Plan "B"'ers here and they constantly refer to reconciliation. So even though, strictly speaking, Plan B is for oneself, when it's finally implemented, most folks see it as a tool to reconcile. I want to shut the door on that now. If it comes knocking later, I can take another look. Of course if lightning struck her right now and reversed all of this foolish nonsense, I would re-evaluate right now....<P>Thanks.<P>--DeWayne--

DeWayne,<P>I said it before...<P>Check out points "O." and "R." on my <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/011046.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B - 101</A> post!<P>Take that week off... <P>Jim

OK, Jim...Just letting you know I'm going to read that post and consider what I'm being told. No promises, but my mind is open.<P>--DeWayne--

DeWayne,<P>Dear friend, we will respect your decision to do what you feel you must...BUT, we are all asking you to take a little time and consider what is best to do. We hate to see you make decisions in times of extreme anger and hurt. <P>You got delivered a cr@ppy birthday present is all I gotta say! <P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Hi DeWayne,<P>Frustrating, huh? This stuff sucks.<P>Hey, I truly don't mean to be "telling" you what to do. Not my place to do so, nor would I be delusional enough to say I know what's right for you. I certainly defer to your higher authority. <P>Maybe I can try to say in a different way what I was trying to express earlier. You've done an incredible amount in hopes of restoring your marriage. You've invested a lot of time, energy, etc. as well as humbling yourself. <P>I see all of these as points of strength. It's not weakness. It's a test of character and you've done well. There is much you've done for which you can be proud. <P>True, your wife may not ever come back. But, over time, you can feel good that you did as much as you could possibly do to try to make it happen. There's honor in that.<P>I agree that you've paid a price for that. And, for each of us a point comes when we decide to invest no more. If you're at that point, what I'm suggesting is that it may not be prudent to run headlong in the opposite direction. The "fallout" from all of this will take awhile to sink in. <P>I can see you've already begun to internalise some of that. I see it in your reaction to the prospects of dating.<P>I guess all I'm suggesting is that you take your time. Let things catch up a bit. Do you have confidence in the appropriateness of the decisions you may make in the near future? I'm just testing.<P>FWI.

<B>dMac</B> -- As you would know, this has been a long time coming. I didn't just wake up one morning and decide "It's over". It was a gradual process and I have been teetering at the brink now for a few weeks, hoping against hope that a life line would be thrown my way to prevent the inevitable. One thing, though: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I can see you've already begun to internalise some of that. I see it in your reaction to the prospects of dating.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I didn't get your meaning by that. When I responded to tnt, I just wondered what brought that strong response on. I'm not planning any dates for next week. I'm not planning dates period. Just not excluding anything, including the possibility of a miracle. <P>I'm not quitting my job, moving out of the area or any other life-altering plans. Just giving up here and getting my freedom. Gotta do it for my sanity. <B>BUT</B> I am not discarding what you wonderful people are telling me. Just adding into the mix and we will see what comes out.<P>Thanks, buddy.....<P>--DeWayne--