I want to thank all of you for being there.<BR>I felt I was hanging by a very thin thread that night and in such a fog that nothing seemed to mean anything anymore.<P>H is, well, if things were better would I have felt that way? I didn't expect such a response and all of you made me think and I realize that I cannot control H's behavior. I can only control mine and it is up to me to find happiness and joy. My daughter deserves this from me and I need it for myself. <P>And if H doesn't pull his head out from where it is presently, then so be it, I must survive and move on. As I type this I am trying to convince myself. I do have worth.<BR>I have to keep saying this over and over. And the idea I believe RMA gave about 15 min. of finding something good for me is a good step in the right direction. Sometimes I get impatient and want everything to be better now. As NSR has said many times, I should have taken a deep breath, but I didn't I really felt totaly despair and thought of how to end all this pain once and for all. I have never felt that way before and I never want to be there again.<P>Thank you all for your support, you all mean so much to me. I love you all and I am fighting these bad emotions once again but this time I will get my brushes out and let my anger, sorrow and all splash all over the canvas. Love and prayers to each and everyone of you here. I'll never be able to thank you all enough.

Deavstated,<P>You are such a WONDERFUL person - you have depth of charchter, caring and a truly sensitive nature. I am impressed with you. I think you are a really neat person. Here you are suffering so much and in the "great pit", yet you take the time to stick your head out and find kind words for US!!!!! See, we all told you you were a great person - a true friend!<P>Your D is LUCKY to have such a wonderful mother. You are enduring some of the most horrific pain imaginable, yet the thought of your sweet girl keeps you going. THAT is a GREAT MOM! <P>Yes, sometimes the 15 minute increments are all you can do. I saw your post about the artisitc creativity and the block. Well you know, sometimes you can get the negative feelings out creatively, too. Take out your drawing pad and have a go at expressing your negative emotions and release them through your art. It is a "safe" way to rid yourself of these toxins. Over time, the creativity will become more positive and expressive, because inside you is a truly positive and expressive person. Just the pain has you bogged down right now.<P>Glad to see the fog is lifting some. <P>Keep the faith...we are all pulling for you!!!!!!!!!!!<P>Roll Me Away<BR><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

D2,<P>I am much relieved you are feeling better. I cannot add to what Desiree expressed, you truly are all of those things.<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I realize that I cannot control H's behavior. I can only control mine and it is up to me to find happiness and joy. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This is the hardest thing to accept. When we do we are truly allowing God to do His work.<P>We are all here for each other. Knowing you care is all the thanks I need.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Oh RMA, <BR>Thank you so much for what you said to me. No one has ever said these kind words to me before. As I read those words the tears began to stream down and still are as I type this so if typos it's because I can't see too wwell. Seems I am always being there for family and everyone else in my life but never hear what I mean to anyone. Kinda the just understood thing, if you know what I mean.<P>It is very wonderful to hear these kind and uplifting things said and I will try very hard to believe it and become a better person and mother. I love my D so much and when I think of this love I get overcome with emotions. You are a wonderful friend and have a beautiful way with words. Thank you,<BR>God bless you and (((HUGS))) to you my friend.

Bill,<P>Thank you for your support. It means a lot to me. Sometimes I forget to lean because everyone is always leaning on me. The rock crumbled, what can I say? I am praying and fighting to find strength again. Just hope that light I begin to find at the end of this tunnle is not a freight train coming my way.<BR>Metallica song, No Leaf Clover. I like that song.

Devastated,<P>It was EASY to type those nice words to you because I TRULY do mean them!!! <P>I know what you mean about being there for your family and others. Well, in each of our lives, it becomes OUR turn....We need. Well, right now, it is YOUR turn...YOU need. Nothing is wrong with that! We all go through these periods...we are ALL here because right now, we ALL need each other.<P>God brought each of us here to MBF for a reason - to be able to reach put and touch the soul of another suffering as much as we are suffering. In our own way, being here to help each other helps us to help ourselves. Today, Devastated, I am helping you, and another day when I need the help, you will offer your shoulder and prayers to me.<P>I think we are all lucky and blessed to have found each other!<P>Hugs and kisses to you, Devastated!!!<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

devastated2,<P>Even my son's couselor at school recognizes this place as a support group...<P>It is more than that...<BR>It is a lef-line for many (if not all) of us.<P>If ever things go bad again...<BR>we're here...<P>Check the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/004126.html" TARGET=_blank>email exchange</A> when the posting is too slow... (this happens on the weekends... when we sometimes need the most help)...<P>Take that deep breath...<BR>Look within... there is so much good there...<BR>exhale... and the next few breaths... I'll send to you!!! <P>You <B>know you are loved here</B>....<BR>Tell Steve H.... it is unconditional!<P>Jim

Desiree,<P>I'll be there! Anytime, night or day.

The light at the end of the tunnel is Jesus.<P>I think it was the tea that got me under control...lol<P>Seriously just being able to get the resntment and anger out is what helps. Stewing in it only makes it worse.<P>B<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Jim,<P>Thank you so much. This truly is a life-line. And I am ever so thankful for it.<BR>I hate to think what might have happened if I didn't have all of you and come to my senses in time. That is too terrifing to think about. I am taking that deep breath friend over and over.

Deavastated,<P>See...you ARE strong! And no, that isn't a freight train coming!!!!! it is a bright sunny day coming...it is just around the corner. Keep on walking toward the light...it really isn't that far off!!!<P>Gotta go to bed now. I'll check in with you tomorrow. Try to get some rest tonight and get those art suplies out of the closet!!!!!!!<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

TEA?! what kind, I want some, LOL. Hey, I'm chuckling. Definately a step in the right direction. Your right Bill, Jesus is my savior and comfort from all this pain. I must not forget that. And as long as I have everyone reminding me of it, I cannot fail, can I? I'm hangin in, hangin on and fightihng to be strong again.

Goodnight Desiree,<BR>Sleep well and yes the brushes, paints and canvases are coming out.

Devistated,<P>Gee I have so much to say, all I know is I have been in that oneway tunnel. I never want to go there again either.<P>You seem to be a strong person, a loving person. There is so much we all here feel for you right now. We need you as much as you need us. It would be easy to give up, right? but why? why not go out and gettem all. Be yourself, love yourself. Show yourself just how strong and beautiful you are. Open up and smile. Or cry... whatever you want. It is ok to feel. <P>I'm hurting with you, because Ive been there, years ago. Your first post a couple of days ago gave me chills. I am so glad that you are ok. I am so glad that I'm ok.<P>I recieved a calender for xmas it is "If life is a game these are the rules" Here is yesturdays quote.<P>When you ask yourself, "Why am I here?" or "Why is this happening to me?" or "What's it all about?" Turn to your spiritual primer. Ask yourself, "What is the lesson?" If you hear a defensive reation using the words "never" or "always" in your response, you haven't learned the lesson.<P>Here is todays<BR>I find that when we really love and accept and approve of OURSELVES exactly as we are, then everything in life works.<P>I should send you one of these calenders, It has helped me alot. to get in touch with me, my why's, howcomes, and myself. Being happy with who I am.<P>Love you lots<BR>take care<BR>In my prayers<P>Christine

Hi D2,<P>Earlier on after discovery I had some of the worst days of my life. I couldn't eat or sleep. The affair was all I could think of. How could my W do this to me? <P>I didn't even find the tunnel. I had suicidal ideations. Hopelessness. dispare. The whole gambit of emotions. So I believe I know where you were at.<P>Then doing research on the net, I found this place, and would probably be in a psych facility if I would not have. The support is second to none.<P>Things do get better. Glad the fog lifted. If it happens again, just remember that the MB board and members are your lighthouse. <P>Had to play ambulance last night. Just saw the post.<P>Tim