BonnieSept,<BR>Awhile ago, before I saw any of your posts in which you mentioned that you were the betrayer, you responded to one of my posts and were very critical of wives "waiting around" for their H's to wake up. You mentioned that you were disgusted when your H started seeing an OW shortly after you separated, and didn't want anything to do with him, but you neglected to mention why you had separated. I couldn't understand why you had such a problem with wives wanting to work things out, but now that I have read Jess' post I think I understand. <BR>

This one has me a little perplexed also. I think Jess pointed out a really important point, Bonnie might be still angry at the ex wife for having fought so hard to not end the marriage. This would make a lot of sense. Otherwise, the post is really confusing.<P>------------------<BR>The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.<BR>Helen Keller<BR>

Bonnie,<P>If you bailed because you didn't want to put the work into getting your H to forgive you, then I understand why you don't get it. Most of us on this forum aren't quitters, hence, we spend a considerable amount of time here at Marriage Builders looking for answers and support. You admitted that quitting is the easy way out. And if we were to go by divorce statistics, most of us on this forum certainly are on the road less traveled for sure. But, I think that's commendable, don't you? Don't you think that the people who endure and persevere despite tremendous odds deserve support and encouragement rather being made to feel foolish. I do.<P>My H and I were miserable for a while too, but we stuck it out. And I'm happy to say that the time and effort has paid off. I shudder to think of the great marriage we never would have had the opportunity to experience if we'd taken the easy way out.<P>------------------<BR>Love is meant to heal. Love is meant to renew. Love is meant to oust all fear. Love is meant to harmonize differences. Love is meant to bring us closer to God.

After all this time you are still trying to justify/rationalize your actions? You must be very conflicted over this. You blew it big time. Now you have to convince yourself it was somehow out of your control. Sorry, Bonnie, but I don't buy it. You took the route that you took because its what YOU wanted to do. Whether I agree with your choices or not, they were YOUR choices, and you need to take responsibility for them. You will never know what would have happened had you chosen another route. None of us ever know.

Bonnie-<BR>I ask myself that question sometimes daily. But I've stayed because I cannot honestly say that I did everything that I could to make this marriage work. We don't hate each other but our marriage certainly needs a MAJOR overhaul. I stay because if I leave w/o learning the behaviors that make a marriage work, I will most likely take these behaviors into another relationship. While my marriage still hangs in the balance, I have learned some invaluable lessons that I may not have learned if I had chosen to stay and gut this out. I believe the only way "around" a problem is "through" it. <p>[This message has been edited by Enlightened (edited August 27, 1999).]

I told you to DUCK!<P>