K: is that arrow a shot in my general direction??????

Lisa:<P>Gosh no---it's a shot in Dazed & Confused direction (and I'm hoping that she's aware of the "good humor" it was intended).<P>D&C and I have debated the "Attractive Spouse" need <I>ad nauseum</I> on the Emotional Needs forum---it had nothing to do with your situation, just her 'roiling of the waters'.<P>

If I could be "there", maybe I wouldn't need to be "here" so often. Don't think that for one minute that I wouldn't trade posting on this board for the care and love of my STBX. When the girls are asleep at night sometimes this is the only comfort I get when I wake up alone.....sad......confused....hurt. I myself, get great comfort from reading these posts that pertain to my situation. some make me cry tears of happiness and others of saddness. But I relate, learn, and most of all feel loved and cared about in a time that I need it most. Thank you all for being here for me.<BR>Nancy

Well, I guess if we all anzlized this to death and went through the process of elimination, that I would be at the top of the list of "Someone on this board that shouldn't be." <P>However, I would like to say that I have learned a great deal here and have been able to make progress with my withdrawl from OM so that I can move forward and keep working on making my marriage work.<P>I have also learned a lot about what I am going to be facing when I do "Spill my guts" so to speak. I think that I needed this head start. <P>So, if it is me, just say it and let these other people get on with their healing. I can take a punch... I have before...

My intention has been fullfilled. However, it would appear that alot of people here feel the need to jump in and tell...whomever...everyone...that they are welcome and should post and reply as much as they feel nesecary, I agree. People should post and reply on this board. It is a great place to learn and share one's knowledge. No one person should tell another person that they should or should not be here, again not my intention. To those that know, I am very much one of those that needed tremendous support and on occassion still do. I'm sure I will in the future as well. My trials and problems are by no means over and I take great comfort in knowing that people are here for me, for everyone.<P>schizzo: Didn't mean to add to the handle!<P>love WAS blind: Thank you, it could be many, including myself. Again thanks for understanding.<P>new_beginning: Did you fall into the could be category <P>wasstubborn: Agreed, people in here are doing well and occasionally need to vent, me too, it would seem that you are one of the ones I owe an apology to. Forgive me. As stated above that was not my intention. While some did take offense I think some saw my intent. Did I imply that anyone was not welcome? Again, forgive me.<P>Viki: I tried! <P>Monique: Another person states that I told someone they aren't welcome, I reread the post and still don't see that. I'm glad that you were able to see what I "meant". I accept your apologies if you'll accept mine. <P>K: Kind of expected this reply from you, I was ready. This was posted directly to them and they knew it. You have been a critic of mine and a great help to me so keep it up.<P>devestated2: Did it really sound that harsh? I remember your situation, I was one of the first to post to you. I'm glad you've found something to help you through. Forgive me if I offended you.<P>LMS: Agreed! If I have a problem with someone I should tell them. Problem is I never said I had a problem with anyone. I love everyone here. Alot of good sound advise. Perhaps you are another I owe an apology to. Forgive me.<P>Keystone: Hey, I'm glad "some things" are working, slow process huh? Me too. When in these situations it's hard not to be defensive, although some here have been and I didn't expect it. Hmmm... I'm glad you got what I meant, Thanks.<P>LisaM: Again I agree. Let me know if I owe you an apology, I can't tell. I do not wish to make enemies of anyone.<P>caron: No one made me "Forum God". If I were God none of us would be here right now. You, me, anyone. We would have the peace and love we seek. But I am not and do not try to be. Sorry if I came across that way. As far as concern, I am concerned. That is what God has given me. Sometimes you run into someone that "sticks" with you for some reason and for that I will not apologize. Sounds like you had it rough growing up. Sorry to here that.<P>Chris: As K said...Get lost!!! hehe Why would I be speaking to you when you're gone silly? Hope things get better for you.<P>Dazed and Confused: My situation has improved too. I'm glad to see yours has as well. We all belong here. And "roil" away!<P>Roll Me Away: As long as you need to. Whenever that is. That is why I am still here. Whenever has not come. When it does I'll probably check back every few months. I don't think I owe you an apology, let me know if I do.<P>Mental: Well put.<P>Lacee: I don't know your story, but I can hear the strength in your words. I'm glad you're getting what you need.<P>Well my reply to the replies has ended, I hope I haven't offended anyone else. Wow, look at the wind blow. Feel the sun. Hear the birds. God is all around. Even in these replies. The positive the negative, all. Someone will read and get quite a bit from this alone. Otherwise I think the time has come to let this post die. As I said, my intentions have been fullfilled. Prayers to you all and God Bless.<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.<P><BR>

Before this goes any further... I admit it... it was intended for me - <B>only me</B>...<P><B>ME</B>, the most important person in the room! <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Nobody knows what you want except you, and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don't get it. ~Barry Manilow

LOL, sorry said I was done.

PM, <BR>Ok first off I feel I owe you an apology I read your post and got extremely angry and defensive I did not get much sleep last night, (I was at the hospital with my D who is very sick. and I would love to be “there” to work on my Marriage but it is 4000 miles away, and I just cant right now. I too am working hard to stop being easily riled.<BR>There is no need for me to forgive you. You have only chosen to speak your mind, something I have told others here not to be afraid to do. I didn’t say much but what I did was out of anger. <B>I am the one who is sorry.</B> <BR>Lesa<BR><P>------------------<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> LMS20ish@cs.com <P><BR>

Wow...I think your post was right on the nail in some reasons. Healing takes time. I think we all here feel like we have made friends. Yes I do spend more time reading other posts, I want to know how everyone is doing. If you all are ok. For me I tend to get rapped up in everyonelses business and somehow forget mine. I think its a subcontious thing to keep my mind of of my own problems. <P> I am healing, I am getting better I feel better knowing I have here to go. A common ground, though it might not be the best. <P>When my situation happened about 2 months ago, I didn't know what to do. I found this site by a whim. When I opened it up I was amazed that there are so many others that felt the way I did. I care for all of you. I feel I do have the right to come here, to give advise. Sometimes words are hard to find to express what I am feeling, I see other posts and go wow thats how I feel, I just couldn't say them or put them into words. I guess it is easier to see things from afar than to acctually look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself advise and acctually take it, or do something with it. I think this board is great. I will leave this board very soon, but I will check in to see how everyone is doing from time to time. I will never forget how you all have helped me. When I look at my situation and think of how I possibly made it through, I will think of all of you guys, for all the support, advise, encouragement,understanding but most of all just being there. <P>Thank you Paul for opening our eyes......I am going to now look in the mirror and tell myself what happened and eat my words,<P>Take care<BR>Christine

Just found this post....and am sure it is for me. I have "moved on" so this board is really no longer the place for me to vent...but I do lurk in to see how my friends who I met as we sort of joined this "exclusive club" more or less at the same time , are doing and to post to them and to see if I can on accasion post to those who I can give any advice to more specifically.<P>Hope it works out for you in a way that it did not for me. I was there until plan B...and then came here to find support.<P>

Can't be me. Sure, I posted several times a day for over a year, but I just took off 3 days... <P>Really, it was my H who was on the computer when he moved home the lasst time...not me, not me, not me...<P>I've got great advice for anyone, as long as they don't do what I've done...except for the good stuff. Uh...There was good stuff, right?<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR>

Paul, I know I'm sometimes the last to get it - what was it, a subtle message to all or did you really have someone? And<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>schizzo: Didn't mean to add to the handle!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Never heard the expression. What does it mean?<BR>

Hello Paul,<BR>Am not at all sure what to think of your post! I do feel it is inappropriate. If you would like to specifically adress someone, then do it. But to have all here wondering, bringing out some interesting guilt, is not really honesty. It seems more like a game.<BR>Too many of us have been in that arena lately, and do not want to play!

Tell me...<BR>which one of us couldn't use a <B>step back</B> like Paul suggests... <BR>We all get so close the our problems... we can't see our hands before our faces!<P>I'm reminded by what is written in some of the Harley books... that we need to purge "ill-feelings" more frequently... to <B>not</B> let the bad "things" of the marriage just build-up and fester in ourselves and our relationships.<P>Is there such a "festering" when we consume our lives in anything?... our kids?... our work?... our spouses?... or even our time spent here on the forum? I for one, do agree with Paul... in that it <B>can happen</B>! We all need <B>breaks</B>... many have taken these sabaticals... many are doing it right now...<P>When is the right time?....<BR>Who knows?...<BR>It is nice though...(from Paul) to encourage that "break time"... to <B>everyone</B>! <P>Based on the replies like "is it me?", "surely not I?"... I am reminded me of what the apostles said to Jesus... when He was about to be betrayed! Hey... <B>soul searching</B> was the goal!!! Thank's Paul... we <B>all</B> need this! <P>Fixing situations is <B>all</B> of our goals too...<BR>Acceptance that our spouses will make the decision to come back... is the ultimate "fix"... and by taking that "break"... we give in to the only power that can feed the "fix"... <B>yeah... go for the "break"</B>.<P>Yeah... don't we all "hide"... in the stories of other's here at the forum.... thinking... "where do/would/could/should/might I fit in", in <I>that</I> story... Carried to extremes... it can be an unnatural escape... but with those periods of "breaks"...it leads to a most beautiful empathy! <B>yeah... go for the "break"</B>.<P>Paul... I think... wasn't really singeling out just one of us... <B>"...I'm talking to them..."</B>... not <I>really</I> as... "someone specific".<BR>Paul's message was meant for all of us in our own time... not as a "game"... but as a reminder of that "sanity" we need to keep through our ordeals... mine too. <P> <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited January 13, 2000).]

NSR, nice that you feel the 'game' should be repeated. Someone means one person to most people, as Paul stated in his initial post. Hiding? A major communication snafu on this thread. If the intent was for everyone to look inward, then just say so. Again, I feel it is very inappropriate and easily can easily cause unwarranted bad feelings.<p>[This message has been edited by cl (edited January 13, 2000).]

Paul, I come here almost everyday in hopes of finding encouragement and in seeing what those that are here are going through and how others handle the pain and conflicts in their own situations. Very rarely do I post anything for as the song goes...."he can't even run his own life, I'll be d_____ed if he'll run mine." That is just me though...others that post here may be in fact be helping themselves in trying to help others. You shouldn't really put so much emphasis on whether or not they have their lives all together rather that they are here to help those of us that depend on their opions and feelings. Think about it.

Paul,<P>I re-read your post again and with the way I have been feeling the last few days, insecure, left out, unappreciated as a woman of desirability and a failure as a parent, your post hit me as harsh. Yes, I remember you were one of the first to post to me when I first got here, surprized you remembered.<BR>Just didn't expect my story to have much of an impact considering so many others here are sufferring much worse pain. <P>I can now better understand what you meant and were trying to do for all of us. But it did feel at the time like I, or whoever was being told, "You are not welcome and should leave." I know that was not your intent it was more like a wake up call. And it did do that. I am not offended now that I have had time to reconsider what the real meaning was in your post. <BR>I have learned more here than I ever would have on my own. And I am thankful for finding this place and everyone here. And if anything I have to say helps someone it helps me in the process as well. And true maybe we should step back and take a break. I realize you were just trying to help not offend. My sensitivities clouded my perseption of what you meant and I didn't read between the lines at the time. I'm working on finding the positives to help me disspell the negatives that have been around me lately. <P>And I will take my time away from here when I feel I should. Maybe it is now, maybe it isn't but I will always care about everyone here and come back to share what I learn and to ask questions. Just want you to know I do understand what you were trying to do and didn't mean to hurt anyone. As a woman I would have chosen a different tactic but I am also learning, Men are from Mars and speak a different language than we women from Venus.<BR>Take care, Paul. I hope things are better for you and God Bless.

A few more lines since such great comments came after my reply to replies, this will die eventually I promise! <P>LMS: Lesa I have found that through all this I have become a great sounding block for joy, anger, happiness, and pain. Shall we call it even and say apologies accepted both ways?<P>camjon: Christine, Thank you. Shall I bring the salt. We all have or will eat our words. It is so much easier to do for others than to do for ourselves. I'm glad that you are doing well.<P>willbok99: Moving on, now that's a great comment. One way or another I guess we all will move eventually, some sooner than others, but all eventually.<P>Lor: Wasn't you huh? <P>schizzo: Your screen name. You said this post would "drive us all crazy" Didn't mean to add to the "schizzo" Kind of a lame joke I guess.<P>cl: Interesting guilt? If my post brought out guilt then I apologize. Guilt for what? No one should feel "guilty" for being here. Also, did I cause bad feelings with you as you stated in your second post? Let me know if I have and I will do my best to remedy the situation.<P>NSR: Jim, as eloquent as ever. Perhaps I should run all my posts through you to sand the edges and extract the meaning! Or I guess that might eliminate the need for imagination in our lives huh? Very nicely said Jim.<P>MySharona: I believe if I researched my postings I would find in one them where I even made the statement that when I help others it helps me. That was not in question. At what point does one stop helping themself by helping others? At what point do you stop and say 'what happened?' I know it's not for me to decide, I was just making an observation.<P>devestated2: Why would I not remember. Like I said, sometimes some people just stick with you.. I am sorry that you are where you are right now, and I know it doesn't help to say that every cloud has a sliver lining, but it does. I pray that you find yours soon.<P>Again, thanks all for the comments, good and bad. Though in my opinion none were bad. How could I tell anyone their opinion is not valid? <P>Good luck to all, and God Bless<P>Paul<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.<P><BR>

PM, yes that sounds great.<BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> LMS20ish@cs.com <P><BR>