Hey Gang,<P>Well, this morning was my dental appointment at Vals work place for a cleaning. You have to keep your mouth open like this for a really very long time. Boy I hate that. Look Mom, no cavities!<P>I haven't seen my W for about 2 weeks now. Only spoke to her once. I don't know if I was more nervous about the cleaning or seeing Val after I finally made up my mind to work on the marriage. The last time I was there I had a crown put in and almost ripped off the arms rests.<P>I get in the chair and Cindy [hygenist]starts chatting with me. Everyone knows me there and our marital situation. Taboo subjects are avoided. Vals twin sister Stef comes in, yeah they both work there, and is very friendly towards me. She is pregnant with second child. Stef, not Val.<P>Well, the cleaning process is done. The floor sander is put away. Lecture about quitting smoking finished. Cindy prodding me looking for a fist fight, "You work on an ambulance, you should know better!" ME "I do, we carry oxygen and Albuterol!"<P>OK, [heavy sigh]! Val did not come in so apparently does not want to see or talk to me. I walk out to reception area and she is in the first operatory. I glance in. She starts the conversation, "Hi, how are you?" Small talk ensues. I give her the card with letter inside. She says "Please don't upset me at work" with eyes tearing up. ME "I don't want to upset or hurt you anymore, but please read the card and letter" V "Will I cry?" ME "You might want to wait until you get out of here to read it"<P>We had a very nice chat. She asked how my son [her stepson] is doing in college. Her great uncle died. Sorry to hear that. Shes looking at getting another car. You get the drift.<P>I was dressed to the hilt. Dress pants, pressed shirt, long mafia coat, gold watch, my GOOD diamond wedding band on. Contacts in, cologne on, not too heavy. [this is for Karmagrrl]<P>I told her I had to get going because I didn't want to hold her up. Her boss turned into Hitler the last few months. She asked where I was going. Val not Karma. "I'm just going down to the building." V "You don't have to go, yet"<P>The ball is in her court now.<P>This may not make a whole lot a sense right now. I just took a double shot of Nyquil. I just noticed that ALL the icons are moving nowwwwwwwwwwwwwww <P>------------------<BR>"It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P>

Well Tim, it sounds as if the giving of the letter went well. I assume you haven't heard from her. My thoughts and prayers are with you my friend. What more can I say.<P>I've got the albuteral nebulizer all I need is an oxygen tank. Does that really help with smoking???<P>You will keep us posted on Vals responce. I feel some nervous antisapation for ya.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Waiting to hear what she says.....<P>Lori

Next time you go.......try the "gas".

{{{{{{{{{{<B>Tim</B>}}}}}}}}}},<P>It's been a little tough for you today...<P>Prayers...<BR>and smiles too...<P>Jim

Glad you decided to give the letter to her. Hope you hear something soon. Don't get too confused like seeing double or thinking two are one LOL {{{Hugs}}}<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Wow, things are getting real fuzzy,<P>Hey Bill,<P>No, I haven't heard from her tonight. I wasn't expecting to. We used to play kindergarten games with each others feelings. Seems we still do. Something that has to be worked on. She would do x, so I would feel y. You get the idea.<P>I could see and feel the pain that she holds inside when I gave her the card. She still cares. I don't care what she says. I see it. I have know her for 11 years. You can't bullsh!t a bullsh!ter.<P>Pure oxygen is great for a hangover in the morning. Better yet, take some Magnesium tablets before bed. No hangover, no autopsy, no foul. No driving the big white bus.<P>Albuterol is a broncho dialator delivered in a mini updraft. It opens up the lungs for people with COPD. The first time I administered it years ago I was sitting too close to the patient and damn near coughed myself to death. I was not used to such a high percentage of O2.<P>I will keep you and Lori apprised of the situation.<P>Hey Kimm, We carry 20mg of Morphine and Valium. You can't beat that with a stick.<P>Hi Jim, Thanks Buddy. I may not have gotten what I would have liked today. I did see that the Tim flame is not out in her life.<P>Still working towards my goal.<BR> <P>------------------<BR>"It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P>

OH Di,<P>Your'e not gonna let me live that one down are ya?<P>She only works a half day on Fridays and nine chances out of ten she will call me when I'm on the road tomorrow.<P>Zippy the Pinhead

Not on your life, TIm, although I am still not sure how you came to that conclusion. Of course Desiree and I think we are twins that were spirited away by gypsys (How ever the h*!! you spell it and all I have had tonight is a glass of milk). Anyway, we sold to this people and raised as their own. I mean we are just too much alike. (Of course I have never been on a motorcycle nor do I do karate but other then that. <P>I am glad you have figured out that you still want Val. I know I have days that I think why am I putting myself through all of this why can't I let go, then there are days I know why... I still love hime!!! I think we go into a protection mode because we have been so hurt and we don't want to add anymore pain.<P>{{{HUGS}}} (I still have to figure out all the knew icons it is going to take me awhile)<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Medic,<P>Glad you gave her the letter. Glad it went as well as it did. I have a feeling that what you suspect and know that she still loves is absolutely my friend correct. Keep up the good work! Prayers coming your way too.<P>I read my husband your hangover cures/preventions. He laughed at driving the big white bus (hey what can I say he really is a blonde truly), in this part of the country the call it praying to the porcelain God.<P>Can't wait to read the future updates. I'll be tuning in tomorrow after my snow board lesson. Just gotta get that sport down. Recreational companionship is one of my husband's emotional needs. Yikes at 47 I sure have a huge learning curve don't I?<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<P>

I aint real worried about the hangover cures I just need help smoking...<P>When I get my real ISP back I got a bunch more neet things to send ya.<P>B<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

<B>Tim,</B><P>HOW on earth did I miss this one????? I dunno...just was reallybusy yesterday and then reading all those goodbye posts...<P>Ok, Tim, you did well. the ball is in her court and things will eventually come to resolution now. I am wondering if she called you today?? She might not just yet. Val might need a few days to think about what this means.<P>You sound "ready", Tim, for whatever happens. Do you feel that way? I am there, I think. I have prayed alot and God is surely answering my prayers for peace in my heart. Also praying this letter will motivate Val to really face her doubts about all of this affair stuff, and want to give you and your marriage another chance...<P><B>Diana,</B><P>What kind of twin of mine doesn't ride motorcycles or like karate?????? Of COURSE you do...you just don't know, yet! <P>I agree about the new icons. I have to remember the new codes and I am not so good at all that. I guess I'll still be using the old ones for awhile longer! <P>Good night, all,<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Hey Guys,<P>Sorry for the delay in posting. Two of my guys are out on the DL and I have been picking up the open shifts. Man I haven't worked this hard in a while.<P>Hi Sam,<P>Yes, I believe that the presentation of the letter went very well. No LB's or unkind words exchanged. I could see she was a little uncomfortable in my presence. She was very teary eyed. I think that guilt is finally reaching the surface for her.<P>Thanks for the prayers.<P>I was thinking of expanding my horizons and trying skiing this year. Do you think snow boarding might be easier? I'm only 8 years behind you, but lately I feel I've aged tremendously.<P>Bill,<P>I tried the patch. Couldn't keep the damn thing lit, Zyban and a few other methods in the past. Right now with the stress we are enduring there is no way I would even try to quit. <P>Presently there is only one way that I would stop cold turkey and that would be if Val would come back and commit to working on the marriage. She has a heart condition and I really shouldn't be smoking in front of her anyway. I have told her that too. <P>I have been told that Brian doesn't drink or smoke. Funny, I just remember a story she told me a few months ago when her friends were in a local bar and he walked in. Probably just to have some selzer water. I just thought of that. HUH.<P>Hey Desiree,<P>Boy, I certainly know how the folks who are taking a break feel. I have never spent so much time on the internet as I have the last 8 months or so. I am ignoring some of my other responsibilities but I feel that I am gaining more being here right now. That's what I need for the moment. <P>Well, No call as of yet. I believe it was a rather powerful letter regarding my feelings towards her and the relationship. She tells me that everytime we discuss the situation she ends up with a bad headache. She is very confused right now.<P>I would certainly like is she would commit to rebuilding the marriage. If she does not I will not dry up and blow away. I was sitting in the tubby last night, my sanctuary, reading Divorce Busters and am starting to work on making myself happy again. I don't need anyone else to be or make me happy. <P>Maybe it's time for us to be a little selfish too.<P><P>------------------<BR>"It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P>

Tim,<P>I don't think that we are becoming selfish - I think we are becoming more centered and balanced. We have come to the healthy point where we realize we want a relationship with our S to enhance our lives, but we don't need a relationship with our S to define our lives. Big difference!! <P>Somehow, finding out about the infidelity threw me off balance and my H became the single most important thing in my life all of a sudden. Like I would just die without him. I no longer feel that way, although I do want him and our marriage restored, like you do with Val. No matter what Tim, we will make it!<P>Desiree<BR><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Tim,<P>I also am in no way in a spot where I even remotely have a desire to stop smoking. I believe that when the <B>pain</B> gets great enough we'll change. That goes for every behavior we have.<P>I never would have thought I would spend this much time on the internet as I do now. //////////like you this place is my lifeline. I would have never thought I would be so close to so many faceless people. Our situation is the tie that binds us together, we can completely understand each other in ways that few others can. My friends out here say it's been 3 months you might as well give up. I saw they have no clue as to how much I really love my sick little Robin. My daughter deaserves not to be a statistic. I have to exhaust all measures before I call it quits.<P>Do you play w/GI Joe or Barbie in the tub?<BR>I got one of them funny squish wash cloths and some smelly soap.<P>Desiree,<P>My how you can express my feelings. I'm going to get my weight bench today. I might get a punching bag and put a characature of LRB on it.<P>I love you guys,<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

<B>Bill,</B><P>Don't get Tim started on the GI Joe and Barbie thing, for Pete's sake!!!!!!!!<P>Go easy on the exercise stuff! If you put LRB's picture on the bag, you might punch it off the hanger!!!!<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Desiree,<P>What better motivation is there for getting in shape than vicariously kicking the **** out of LRB in my basement? I'll call it practice...lol<P>Tim probably plays w/Barbie GI Joe and Ken.<BR>Are barbie and Ken married? I don't think they are. I think Ken is her fairy guy friend, that tells her Joe is no good for her...lol<P>Hey Tim if it's ant consolation; I like sented candles w/my bath. I have a huge garden tub. And I swear I don't play w/D's Barbies...<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Bill, just curious - what kind of consolation do you get from an ant, anyway? <BR>::ducking and running::<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<P><BR>

I'm can't type or spell...lol<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Medic,<P>I think Snow Boarding is way easier and more fun. Give it a try. I can't really do it yet. Still trying though. Lots of fun and makes you feel youung (until like me today the day after all your muscles hurt! ) Good for the buns...LOL<P>Let me know and I'll hook you up with some links and I will pick hubby's brain for you. Heck he'd probably love to give you some of his expert advise on the do's and don'ts and gear.<P><P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<P>