SP - YOU CRACK ME UP!!! You didn't really do this, did ya? <P>Do ya live somewhere around Fargo? Wanna go on a date to hooters with me? Ha Ha -What would people think, two old bag ladies in hooters together with heavy purses on the table........<P>This is just toooooooo much! Thanks for lightening my load!<P>Lor - I bet you do hate the word trying. Still praying for your husband - he's really messed up. But look how far, patient and spiritual you've become! This "valley" does have its rewards. Your future is brighter than you realize.<P>Janie, your situation was beyond frustration. I wish you had the patience to tough out plan A IN the home longer, but don't blame you for the breather in the apartment. Wish your husband would read Malachi 2. He might get the answers to his questions. My BIL isn't married - thank God or we'd have another Ms. Wackadoodle on our hands!<P>Butterfly, your sense of humor through your ordeal is wonderful. And thank you so much for the miraculous story about when your grandpa died. It would be inspiring if you shared it here! God is handling your problems, and you are doing wonderful.<P>Sheba, It wasn't accusatory. Husband came in this morning all lovey dovey - and said he doesn't want to fight. I told him with the sweetest eyes - honey I don't want to fight either. He said, well you shouldn't accuse me like that. I said, I didn't! I was only asking for honesty! He didn't know what to say, just walked away.<P>TA, you have come so far since I've read your first posts. Keep on keeping on. Thanks for the "sympathy!"<P>Gladimadeit, I'm gonna try that look when I am so tempted to lovebust. (Pray I have the self discipline to do so?) Maybe you have some snoop techniques for me?<P>Empty Shell. Our differences are in the past, and that is where we shall leave it from now on! No more mention of it! Your prayers and your progress in your marriage are very deep in my heart. I am so thankful to God for you. Your sincerity and honesty is a blessing to this board. Hopeful is a very very lucky lady!<P>Why me, I think you've been here longer than me, what is your story? You may have some sound mind advice for all of us! What can I expect from a PI?<P>FHL -THANK YOU. Post a new thread soon on boundaries... Step 4?<P>Sweet Pea, our husbands are very close to the same kind of personality types? Mine is a ENTJ or ESTJ.... Supervisor Guardian. He also has a "D" personality - a driver. If I knew his family history - he would not be my husband. Guess God knew that, so things worked out the way they did. I hope you enlighten your children with the truth.<P>To all. Please keep me in your prayers, for wisdom and healing. God Bless!<P>

tnt<BR>This just isn't good for you. You can't spend the rest of your life in paranoia land.<BR>Go for the journal. When H was at his worst I was keeping a journal of my feelings. I didn't realize what I was doing but I had dates, times etc of when I was suspicious written down. Then I got the detailed cell bills and the receipts for his business. <BR>I know mre about where he was than he does. I didn't do it on purpose but it sure worked out.<BR>I could show proof of what time he was where and who he was calling. <BR>I know some people think we shouldn't snoop but if I didn't cover my butt, H would still be talking to her 10 times a day.<BR>Even the fiasco last month. If I hadn't checked his cell messages I would never have known he was off helping his neeedy little bimbo get her truck fixed. He lied and lied and lied....until I repeated the message word for word.<BR>The journal would help you keep it straight in your mind and help you get your feelings out too.

tnt,<BR>I have been reading your post lately following you or vise versa ....I like what you have to say....as far as BIL I agree with why me ....where there is smoke there is fire...do keep a journal..and switching cars sounds good to bring a camera....just be prepared for the worst. H is hiding something...I told my H for years that I felt like him and op had a secret and he kept saying no way...well they did ...hope all goes well<P>------------------<BR>INLOVE.....<BR>LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS HOPING WE ALL HAVE ONE...<P>

Dear trustntruth: I posted this morning under New Name-New Outlook on Life. I changed my name from why me to success story. It was a rough year, but I have finally come to terms with all that has happened. I have come quite a ways in the past year. As far as a PI goes, it will cost you, big time. Logged in it daily, but about that time, things had cooled off. I swore that I would not live in the past any longer, but will tell you to listen to your gut feelings. Check any and all receipts against the journal, for discrepencies. Check his mileage daily. I had enough to make him aware that I knew, and for him to decide where this marriage was going. We started counselling in November, and both of us go faithfully, every Thursday aftrnoon. It's almost like a social event. I think the biggest change in him was in counselling, when I told him that I would never again let him treat me the way he had done previously. No man was worth that. Since then, things have been getting better, daily. So, follow my tips, and I hope you find that you were mistaken.<P>Success Story (Formerly why me)

TnT,<BR> Yep, Ah shore did do it!!! <P> This was last spring, before I really figured out that H was cheating, but I was wondering, I guess. Anyway, he went on a fishing trip to the Ozarks with his buddies. This was the second trip within a couple of months. The thing that threw up the red flags was that these two trips were the first time H had ever gone anywhere on a trip without making love to me the night before he went. We had this little private joke where he would ask me if I wanted him to come home the same way he left (meaning fresh-f*****), and I'd laughingly say, "You'd better not!!"<BR> Anyway, after the first trip, some woman from Arkansas kept calling our business and asking for H. She wouldn't talk to either my daughter or me. She finally talked to my H, and the story is that she was wanting to get in touch with the single guy who went on the fishing trip, and she remembered our business phone number from seeing it on H's cap. OK, so I let that go.<BR> On the day he left for the next trip, a woman from Arkansas called four times wanting to talk to H, and would not talk to me. The last time she called, our daughter told her, "My dad's not here; would you like to talk to my mom?" End of phone calls.<BR> Soooooo, I went home a couple of hours early for lunch to finish his packing--and giving him enough time to initiate a little hanky-panky before he left. Well, he got in a hurry, because his friend came by to leave his car at our house. When he left, he gave me just a quick, brotherly peck. I told him, "Well, you damn sure better come back home the way you left this time!" He looked at me kinda funny and came back and did a tongue kiss.<BR> Well, as soon as I paid the employees off that evening, I toted my butt off to Arkansas. I got there at about 11 pm, got my little disguise on, and checked into the same motel H was in. I didn't have a chance to rent a car, so I parked my wheels in the very back of the parking lot. H came out of his room to get something out of the truck while I was unlocking the door to my room. Can you imagine my shock when I realized that I was in the room right next door to H??????<BR> H's truck was there when I checked into my room, so I stayed awake, with the curtain cracked a teensy bit open. Around 1 am, H and his single friend came out and left (I was relieved that they were hauling a couple of women home.) Anyway, they just went down to an all-night burger joint. I parked in a parking lot across the street with a truck parked between me and the street.<BR> Anyway, all four of the guys who went got up and went fishing early the next morning, so I just headed back home.<BR> After I thought about it for a few days, I realized that my H wouldn't be likely to do anything with very many guys around. He would figure that they would blab about it sooner or later.<BR> Hon, I'm a LONG way from Fargo! I don't want to give out too much infor about myself, but let's just say that Elly Mae Clampett's accent ain't got nothin' on mine! <BR> And, about Hooters...that reminds me! Last week, when we were at the bar, some guy asked H if he was going on the thing to Hooters. I just caught the word "Hooters," so I asked H what that was all about. He said something about "We're going to Hooters." Now, I don't know if the "We" included me or not, but the first thing that popped out of my mouth was, "Hell no, we ain't!" H just sorta laughed and told the guy that the boss said he couldn't go.<BR> H has been gone all day--supposedly to a friend's hunting camp to shoot skeets. And, I don't know where this hunting camp is.<BR> If he's gone to Hooters.....hoo, boy!!!<BR> I'm still mad at my H from this morning. I think that I starting to feel an explosion coming up. Gotta figure out how to contain it; but, if he went to Hooters, I think I'm gonna let 'er rip!<p>[This message has been edited by Sweetpea (edited August 28, 1999).]

Well, H just got home, so I guess he passed on going to Hooters. <P>If he only knew just how close he came to getting clobbered....well, he just better be glad that he came home at a decent hour.