Do you tend to be a little jealous?

Faith,<P>real qwik... EXTREMELY! <P><BR>But I'm trying to overcome that. I know she needs her sapce too..

Hmmm...so do you think this is a contributing factor in how you percieve or interpret what you observe?<P>In other words, if you have a tendancy to over react, then just knowing that and not acting on every feeling you have can keep you out of a whole lot of trouble.<P>Right?<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

StevieB,<P>Hope Heather is home and your mind is at rest and peace. I think these feelings of insecurity you have are normal, so please hang onto and continue to utilize all the great communication techniques you and Heather have learned these past few months. I would definitely share these feelings with your wife, but DO NOT make any statements that could sound accusatory. <P>One of the things we've all learned is that when needs are being met, lovebusters being avoided, and love units being piled in by the dozens, it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY a spouse will cheat. Continue to do these great things, and I can guarantee you that Heather would not be able to cheat. No way. She loves you too much. Right now, she may be gaining her own self confidence and self esteem back, and she might even enjoy making you sweat a little bit and seeing you jealous. Can you blame her after what has happened?<P>When she comes home smelling sweet ....... COMPLIMENT HER. When she leaves the house looking good........ TELL HER SHE'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN YOU EVER SAW. When she gets home, be there waiting for her with open arms. Do those things, and trust me, the likelihood of her cheating on you is between slim and none.<P>You're doing great. Please keep your focus on what you are building. <P>------------------<BR>Love is meant to heal. Love is meant to renew. Love is meant to oust all fear. Love is meant to harmonize differences. Love is meant to bring us closer to God.

HI STEVIE!! <BR>It's me... Dawnetta. I have been wondering about you two for a while. I'm sorry you are having a rough time w/ this.... but I think New Woman has a point.... tell Heather she is beautiful... that she smells nice... that you love her. <BR>Something else... you sold your motorcycle & truck, you are trying to sell your bike, you are getting ready to take on the responsibility of a new home... Could it be that dealing with so many changes in your life are affecting the way you look at things??? Maybe there is a little bit of resentment??? <BR>I think that Heather is feeling good about herself again... Self Confidant. I know I made some changes when I started feeling good about myself a couple of months ago... I sarted wearing dresses a lot more, bought some expensive perfume, and felt good when I went out of the house... Please don't make the same mistake that my H made.... he never told me he noticed... I was crushed. <BR>IMHO, this is a sign of healing (at least it WAS for me)... That she is feeling good about herself now... and you too.<BR>If it is really bugging you.... and you want to talk to her about it, avoid using accusitory or judgmental statements... us "I" statements.... like "I worry about you being late getting home" not "why are you late"... you know what I mean.<P>Wow, this got longer that I expected... Do you still have my email address? If not, I have a new one for here... labutterfly68@hotmail.com.... write to me... I want to catch up on what has been going on... I've missed your wacky ways... and your input.<P>Butterfly.... aka Dawn D<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

Wow...didn't know you were Butterfly! Should have guessed it with the frying pan.<P>Glad to hear from you, too.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

FHL, <BR>Yes, I changed my username when my posts were making my H upset... Now I don't give a rats _ _ _ what he thinks of them. I just kept this one because I like it. (I hope he enjoys this one! hehehehe )<BR>Hope everyone else is having a better night than I am.... <BR>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

Hi Stevie, yes I remember you.<BR>Yes focusing on your progress seems to be the way. <BR>After what happened seems easy to find things that seem incriminating. It doesn't have to mean anything. It's just that you know what you did while the affair was on, so at any point where you feel insecure for some reason, it will be easy to see things that might not be happening.<BR>New woman is right. If the love bank is full, if her needs are being fulfilled, there doesn't seem to be anny reason for an affair.<BR>The best thing is to calm down, focus on how much you both accomplished already, and not let those negative thoughts win the battle.<BR>And yes, in a very non-threatning way, it's a good idea to tell her how you're feeling, and why. And how that scares you or alarms you. Keep in mind that she might be offended by it, but I'm pretty sure she will appreciate the honesty.<BR>Complete recovery ( on both sides ) takes time. Until then there will always be some downs specially when we're not expecting them.<BR>Take care<BR>Kat

HI Stevie B. , It's me "not again", where have you been guy, we have missed you and TBH too.<BR> I really don't think you have anything to worry about, TBH is doing what we women do,she has learned a lot from what you 2 have gone through and has grown from it, maybe finding out who she is, I know that I am having to learn who Deb is, not Deb the w, the mom, the sister, daughter, ect.. but Deb the person. I waited a long time but I am learning that while Deb isn't the end all be all , she can be a ok person. Make any sense ? Probably not. I rarely do. You missed it btw, mike has started posting again,<BR>he posts as debs_bozo now, thats why I changed my post name, he doesn't post often but he lurks here everyday , he's hooked now <BR>Take care Stevie, and tell TBH we said hi, man is your head gonna hurt !!!!!<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

I like to hope that what "Butterfly" said, is true, that maybe she is starting to feel good about herself, and healing.<P>Often wondered how you and Heather were doing. I am sorry you are selling your "toys" - are guys slacking off in the recreational companionship area? <P>Stevie, sometimes when things go good we get lazy. Be careful.<P>

Stevie...why are you selling your recreational companionship toys?<P>It is great you do not go out on the weekends. And I understand about the truck...but why the motercycle and dirt bike?<P><P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Stevie B: Hope you enjoy your trip to Toronto. Up until 2 years ago, it was my old stomping grounds. At least the suburbs of TOI. Really miss going down on Friday night, and walking down Yonge Street. Don't know where the show is being held, but if you are right in the downtown core, if you like corned beef on rye, you MUST go to Shopsys. They have the best in all of Canada. Not good with street names, but anyone will be able to give you directions. If you wanted to make a weekend of it, the CNE is now open. It is our yearly carnival/amusement area, that attracts people from all over the world. Just make sure that you bring lots of money. Hey, you're making about .40 cents on our dollar though. You should have a great time. Kind of partial to the CNE. My H and I went on our first date (blind) there, so it holds a special place in my heart. Now, back to your subject. Don't know how to tell you this, but women are MUCH smarter than men, especially on how to cover up things. Men usually look at the surface, and don't bother delving any further. Women on the other hand, must get to the bottom of all things. So, if that is all you have is your wife putting on perfume, I would say not to think twice about it. If she is worth her salt as a woman, she would make sure she washed it off before she came home. Perhaps, it is a self esteem issue with your wife. Personally, not one day goes by that I don't do my hair, and apply makeup, and perfume. It makes ME feel good about myself. Most of the time, I'm not going anywhere, but I like what I see when I look in the mirror, and the H seems to like it as well. My advice right now? Don't sweat it!!! Just remembered one more thing. If you get to Yonge Street, they have loads of outdoor cafes, where you can stop and have a drink (not too much, though) plus many corner musicians, etc. Just remembered, if you're interested. Shopsys is across from the O'Keefe Centre. Have a great time!!.<P>------------------<BR><P><BR>

Hi, Stevie B.<BR> Do you reckon maybe Heather could be spending the extra time primping and putting the perfume on for YOU??<BR>

Hi again Steve,<BR>How is your head this morning (today) ??? <P>Sweetpea.... That's a Great thought! <P>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

Hey, StevieB! Glad you guys are still doing well. Things have been downhill for my marriage, but I'm doing okay.<P>Remember what a crushing blow to her self-esteem your wife has had. She needs to feel some of her own strength and power. This doesn't mean she needs to have an affair. The more attention she gets from you, the less she'll need to get from others!

First off, my head was fine. Although when I looked on the counter and saw nearly half a case of empty beer bottles.. I almost died.<P>I was being ridiculous. Hetaher would never do that to me.. or anyone for that matter. She really is a special woman. I'm so glad our worlds were thrown together 4 years ago. I have a wonderful wife and 2 great kids. I'll be 30 this January and will be moving into our very first new home sometime aroung Thanks giving. <P>Wow, what a change from this time last year. I didn't know how to talk to my wife at all, now we just sit and watch our 2 1/2 year old girl play with her 6 month old brother and talk.... about anything.<P>THIS is marriage! THIS is love! This is great....<P>I owe a lot of it to you all who help both me when I needed it and my wife when she decided to post. Our 5 year aniversary is in April 2000. We didn't have a big wedding, just us and our parents with a JP. But our next anniversary holds something very special for me... and a big suprise for my wife. I'll remember all of you, forever. And I'll try to stop by from time to time. <P>Selling my truck was the best thing I could have done. She knew how much it meant to me... I built it from the ground up, but it was stained, I didn't see how badly until I stepped back and noticed my wife wasn't riding in it anymore. It was a big step for me to sell it. She knows that, but we are BOTH very happy to see it in our past now.<P>(On the lighter side, I now own a Jeep Wrangler and we all love it! Especially my little girl, Megan. She absolutley LOVES it when I take the top off....)<P>Thanks for setting me straight again. I should've known better anyway. I've got my best friend back and she's not going anywhere.... I had a small dip in the roller coatsre is all.<P>Anyway..<BR>Thanks.<BR>Stevie B<p>[This message has been edited by StevieB (edited August 30, 1999).]

StevieB,<BR>What a complete change from your first posts a while back.<P>I'd say your foundation is dry and you are doing a fantastic job of building your Happy Ever After castle.<P>You and your wife are to be commended for all of your hard work.<P>The very best to you always!<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

StevieB:<P>I'm getting in a little late in the game here, but I think the advice and support you've gotten recently is right on. If things are really going well, then I think Heather wouldn't do that to you. I understand how she feels, though. Sometimes I think my wife got off light too.<P>However, I do try to remind myself that she does have to live with the regret for what she did for the rest of her life, just like you do.<P>Don't sweat it with Heather. Y'all seem to be doing okay.<P>One thing about the lateness, however . . . One thing I always do is call home to tell Petunia I'm gonna be late. She's never late, so she doesn't have to do that. However, for me, it's a common courtesy to let her know what's going on. You and Heather might want to try it. It's hard to remember sometimes, but if you make it a habit, it gets pretty easy after a while.<P>Good luck.<P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P><BR>

"Drunk, and getting pretty mad!" -- with me it usually goes in the opposite direction! (And with harder stuff than beer!) We should start a social club. (Come to think of it, we already have one here, don't we? Those of us who, shall we say, "medicate ourselves" from time to time maybe should form a subclub.)<P>--Wex