OK...editing time since you gave us some info. Regarding your dilemma, betrayal is betrayal. Your MM should tell his W. HE SHOULD TELL HER, not you. She has a right to know. It won't be easy facing the consequences. The easy thing to do is continue the affair behind her back, where it will be discovered sooner or later. What takes alot of guts is getting it out in the open and dealing with it. That's only fair so all parties know what they're dealing with. JMO<BR>To be OW for 2 years isn't fair to you. Don't you deserve more than just "stolen moments?" Of course you do! Unfortunately some men/and women, will gladly have their cake and eat it too. I recommend removing yourself from the equation. If you've been lurking here...initiate a Plan B on him. NO CONTACT. He needs to make up his mind. A marriage is for 2 people...3 is a crowd. <P><p>[This message has been edited by Kyra (edited August 28, 1999).]

curious -- Thank you. the more you tell us the better we can understand and try to help.<P>Let me make one warning before I go any further . . . IF you are the OW to someone who posts here, then PLEASE do not use this forum to talk with "them." All that will do is start another war, and we have had far too much fighting here lately.<P>With that out of the way. What do you want? I mean why did you come here? Why did you decide to post here? How can we help?

OK...cleared that up.<P>You are in the right place if you are looking for insight. Read read read. <P>You are right in that your MM has the best of both worlds. Why do you think he is not leaving his wife?<P>I can almost guarantee what you have been lead to believe is far from the truth.<P><P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

I'm just shaking my head. I amaze myself. I think it's worse when someone knows what the right thing to do is and just doesn't do it.<BR>I'm talking about me BTW. <P>Curious,<BR>FHL is right. Cheaters lie. I know I'm one of them.<P>------------------<BR>For I know the thoughts I think<BR>toward you, saith the Lord,<BR>thoughts of peace, not of evil,<BR>to give you an expected end.<BR>Jeremiah 29:11<BR>

First of all, I would NEVER use a forum like this to rip all of our lives apart. Besides the sheer tackiness of it...I don't really feel its my place to inform her (yet I think she has a right to know). It seems very unfair to me that I know about her and she doesn't know about me (I assume). <P>What I'm looking for, I guess, is anonymity. Also, people who've been close to this and have been through it. I don't want to ruin someone's else's life...but I also now want a life for the 2 of us...which he says he wants too. I guess I want to know what to expect and be prepared. <P>I've read alot on this subject, but its not exactly soemthing you can talk about with your friends and family. I just don't know if I'm/we're prepared for this.

Kyra,<BR>Read your other thread the other day. I know what a terrible place you are in.<P>Be strong. Do the right thing. Read and reread your signature verse and stay in God's will.<P>Everyone is hear to listen.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

curious,<P>Why do you think the wife knows something is wrong? Of course we all had maybe an uneasy feeling during the affair, but couldn't put our finger on it. Do you two spend a lot of time together? If he gets to see you often, then like you said, he's definitely got the best of both worlds. Why would he have to leave his wife....<P>------------------<BR>The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.<BR>Helen Keller<BR>

Back to FHL's question...are there kids involved?

curious -- I think I am confused again. Are you saying that you want to continue this relationship with your MM and that you are looking for information on how to continue along this route?<P>If that is what you want, then I think you have come to the wrong place.

>>Distrusting--good point...why would he have to leave?<P>>>Kyra>>yes there are kids involved...and I don't want this to ruin their lives.<P>And I did break it off for a while...but you know how that goes.......<P>And yes, I do see ALOT of him...the only time he goes home is to sleep.

>>empty shell.....No I don't want to continue it this way. I'm sick of being the OW. Belive me, I would not wish this on my worst enemy.

You're in the right place all right, but be prepared to have a lot of betrayed's agony aimed at you (that is, we are gonna tell you what you need to hear, and it might not be pretty, kay?).<BR>of course, the answer is simple, and you know it. leave. just leave. he's using you, he's lying to her, she is in utter agony, and you deserve better.<BR>get out, and never, never talk to him again. never.<BR>don't call her. i hate dealing with my H's girlfriend..she calls me. i just want her to GO. take a long hike off a tall cliff.<BR>get it? <BR>okay, i'm done.<P>------------------<BR>for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part.<P><BR>

Curious,<BR>You said you want a life now for just the 2 of you. I'm sure MM planned that same thing with the woman he married; but, that's obviously changed. One thing for you to consider is...is he worth it? I don't believe in "once a cheater, always..." Sometimes circumstance leads good people to make bad choices. But sometimes people just keep making bad choices and leave casualties in their wake. You could be his W someday with a OW waiting in the wings. Just something to for you to consider. It's not pretty; but, nothing about cheating is.

curious -- I do believe that you wouldn't wish this on an enemy.<P>If I have learned anything during my time on this forum, it is that all parties involved in infidelity feel tremendous pain and guilt.<P>Maybe my brain just isn't working very well tonight, but I still am not sure what you are looking for.<P>Are you married? If so does your H know what's going on? You said there are kids involved. Are there any between you and your MM?<P>I'm still confused curious. can't you give us some more details on what has happened in your situation?

Since you answered about the children.<BR>If he leaves his W, you will NEVER have a life with "just the 2 of you". You will always have his children AND HAVE TO DEAL WITH THEIR MOTHER. You need to look at this from all sides. The children. The precious, innocent children. They're in this picture too.

You are right. Children are the priority.<P>No one's needs should come before their needs. <P>Don't know if you are a mom yourself, but if you are, think about this. Your MM is definetly putting his needs before those of his children and before those of the very woman he vowed to love and be faithful to for life.<P>If he would put his own needs before his own kids...when a good parent would gladly die for their kids...do you think you could possibly be number one in his life.<P>I'm thinking he is number one in his life.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

LWB>> LOL :-) maybe my guilty conscious brought me here and I need the beating to push me in the right direction.<P>Kyra>>I've discussed this with him...I'm the one who told him "once a cheater -- always a cheater"<P>ES>>see reply to kyra. and no I'm not married, no kids, many animals, good job, normal person (other than the 'homewrecker' part)

ah yes, children. My H's OW keeps backing out for the sake of my children. how kind of her.<BR>SO WHY IS SHE STILL AROUND!?!?!?!?<BR>(sorry, curious, read my post. im not a happy camper tonight)

Kyra--yes, I know that...I know what he'll pay for child support in this state, I know we'd have them every other weekend. I realize she will always be a part of our lives. I realize all this. I'm not pretending or naive. <BR>Faith--:-) I guess that's true of all men isn't it (making themselves #1 in their lives? Do I sound bitter? UnPC? Sorry.

curious,<P>Are you married or single? I think it has a big impact, and I'm thinking that you're single and want to tell the OM's wife about it. I'm guessing that you kind of want to bring things to a head, to see where you stand in this OM's life. For a single person in love with an OM who is married, it's kind of a different situation, because you have no ties, and are trying to get on with your life, with or without him. But you want the OM's wife to know what's going on, because this would put a certain amount of pressure on him to disclose all secrets and bring it all out in the open, to see where he really stands. <P>Tell me if I'm wrong.