Kelski, my wife and I sat down before we got married and had the same conversation the diffence is I told the truth and she lied. I am just finding out about these lies with in the past year. Believe me i have made it no secret that i am not happy about this. We have had many conversations and have been going to counciling. My wifes answers to this situation has been to create more lies to cover up her lies. This has not been good enough for me and I have pressisted that if we don't have an honest open relationship than i could never be content to stay. Only in the past two days has she seemed to change her approach and I think she is finally understanding what i mean when i tell her how much closer we can feel towards one another if there are no lies between us. I hope she continues to open up to me, she can trust me with the truth but i turn into a monster when i'm being lied to. especialy after this many years of wondering why i never felt as close to her as i thought we would be. Also, your line about "Kissing many Toads before finding your prince" as simple as i sounds really touched my heart. And do think she feels the same way you did but she is to ashamed to be honest.<BR>h

kelski, how would it have made you feel if after you and your husband had your conversation about past experiences, you both opened up and were honest with one another because you both had finaly meet the person you had both been looking for. and then about 13 years later you found out he was lying about his past even though you were honest. He not only lied but he had been using your past that you were honest about to degrade you. and he had used his past which he had lied about to remind you of how much more diginfied he was then you had been. Would you begin to wonder what else he had lied about?<BR>h

Howard, I would feel the exact same as you are feeling now. It would seem as if all the years have been a lie. Counseling is a good start but your W needs to be completely honest for counseling to work. Is that a problem for her? Does she fib about other things also? Small things? Is so, perhaps she has a problem with honesty in general that needs to be addressed. <P>My heart goes out to you, Howard, this is a tough situation. I know I could not stay with someone who consistantly lied to me. And actually, I did have a boyfriend in my wild, single days who WAS a compulsive liar. Once I caught on, he was dumped pronto! <P>You have to do what's in your heart. If you love this woman and feel your relationship is worth the effort, hang in there. <P>

I do love her and i do feel it is worth the effort but sometimes i feel like i am just pushing her were she doesn't want to go. I do see a big diff as i said, in the past couple of days and that gives me hope but it will take more than a couple of days to change my feelings after 14 years. I'm very cautious about what i believe anymore. and sometimes i feel like i'm running out of steam and should just leave her alone. But i really don't think she wants to be alone.<BR>h

It's going to take lots of time for the both of you to heal. Maybe your wife lied to you in the beginning so you wouldn't think badly of her. There's not too many men who would say, "Gee, my girlfriend has had 127 lovers before me. Now THAT'S the girl I want to marry!". I was afraid my H would run away screaming when he heard MY story! But he didn't. He doesn't scare easily! Neither, it appears, do you, Howard. <P>If she's ashamed, she really shouldn't be. She should just own up to her mistake and move on from that point. We all make mistakes and sometimes choose the wrong lovers. Lord knows I have! It's how we deal with it that counts. <P>God bless...........

Thanks Kelski<BR>h