Hi Fred,<P>Thanks for the uplift. I had the blahs last night after hearing of my SIL pregnancy. It still hurts when I think of it.<P>I know I have to make the best life for me. If that means my H gets to share it then, yipee! If not, then like you said, there is someone out there who deserves my love. My H had it pretty good with me, so I don't know what the problem is. I'm not ugly, pretty-smart, have a decent figure, great sense of humor and am very loyal, thoughtful and easy-going. Plus, I rarely turned down his advances.<P>What a big-weenie! <P>Anyways, my mother is going in for surgery on Mon. I want to wait until i find out how serious things are. Plus, I don't want to add any extra stress.<P>I don't understand why your wife puts up with your SD's behaving like that? She ever give you a reason?<P>Also, you hadn't answered my question about not pursuing any intimate contact with your wife for awhile. Could that possibly work? It sounds like it would completely through her off guard and she might begin to wonder. Be very nonchalant about it all.<P>Oh, by the way....did I ever tell you that I have a cat named Fred? He's great, but a little quirky. My FIL nicknamed him (this is so awful) special-ed Fred. Only because he is obsessed with getting his belly rubbed. He's a weird cat but I love him to death. Just thought that might put a smile on your face. <P>Take care,<BR>Kathy

Glad i could help.<P>As for answering your question. In all honesty, she would not care if I stopped making advances...in her way of thinking, it would show her that I was getting control of my emotions and hormones and that we could move on with our marriage. She has said repeatedly that sex/making love is not high on her list of priorities in a relationship...I just did not realize how low on the totem pole it was....She just wants it when her (Whats left of her) hormones are up....<P>My problem is that if there is not a release once in a while I actually get uncomfortable and ancy.....maybe it is all in my head, although I have read several articles that show that men are affected by all the hormones just as women are during their periods....men just have one constant period I guess Something else too, I actually like pleaseing my wife, caressing and touching and stuff and it doesn't matter to her....she just wants someone to 'be' with.......<P>I hope your mom is OK.<P>Yes you H is a weenie, as I have said before, you sound like a woman who has her stuff together, mentally, physically and in every other way. You just happen to have married a weenie......<P>As for the cat.....That's OK, I like my belly rubbed too once in a while. If your cat is anything like ours, when you start with the belly, they roll on over on their back and even though they say cats can't smile, I would swear that there is one on their face....<P>Stay in touch, have a great day!<BR>Fred<P><BR>

Just a quick note to say hi. I can't talk long, i'm on my way out to the dentist to get a crown put on. Yuck!!!<P>Hope all is well, keep me posted.<BR>take care,<BR>kathy

Oh, btw...just was wonderin what you thought....<P>It's been over a week since I e-mailed H and no response. It has been 1 1/2 months since we've talked. Should I e-mail or call him? I feel so weird about it and really scared.<P>Any advice?

Hope the crown went on ok...<P>Thingshere are a little better. We actually found time for some intimacy yesterday....<P>As to your btw....<P>Detach you mind and look at this for a moment as if you had a friend asking you the same thing....<P>Kathy;<P>My W left me and I haven't heard from her in months. I e-mailed her last week and I know she got it, but she hasn't replied....what should I do?<P>You would say something like....well, it doesn't sound like she wants to talk to you.<P>It seems that you H really doesn't care....stupid idiot...<BR>I wish I could have some sage words that would give you some kind of hope.<P>If you really have to go and SEE him, then after your mom's hospital thing, pack you car and GO! Don't think about it, don't analyze it, don't worry about what people will say, just DO IT and go see for yourself.<P>Also, don't be scared. There are only two ways this can go; He will want you or he won't. If he does...GREAT, you will go and make a baby of your own and stay together. If he doesn't want you, the he is a supreme idiot and he doesn't know his butt from a hole in the ground and you need to move on to find someone more deserving of you love and affection.<P>We just got back from Miles City and I need to shuffle off to bed. <P>Before I go though, let me just say that regardless of what you feel in your heart at this moment, there really is someone out there for you that is worthy of you and that you will be happy with. You will go on with your life and be successful and fulfilled. You need to get through this time and see with your own eyes what your H is really like and then you can move on from here to what lies ahead.<P>I'll be around this weekend and I will check in from time to time.<P>Talk to you later<BR>Fred

Hi Fred,<P>Sorry I haven't written back. I didn't see your last reply until now.<P>First off, the crown is fine. Annoying to get though.<P>Secondly, way to go FRED!! Glad you and your wife found time together. Hopefully more since we've last talked.<P>I did call H on Thurs. Still no reply. I know what you said, and you're probably right. He doesn't care. But who knows. Perhaps i'm clinging to lost hope, but it's all I can do right now.<P>I told my parents that i'm going to move. My mother wasn't surprised, my dad was though. But neither put up much argument. Of course, they are worried about me being hurt more, but they understand it's something I need to do. The worse part will be telling my sister. She'll be the worst. Aside from H.<P>So, looks like the plan has started. I'll keep you posted.<P>Hope all is well. Write what's new.<P>Kathy

Glad to hear that you are doing ok.<P>Things here are so-so. Today was the first day of school. Great Kids. Nice Day. We are finding that we may have moved to the wrong place though....things we are hearing about our school board....<P>W and I have been finding some time. I am trying to work on being a little more assertive in what I want and trying to be understanding of her needs too.<P>Let me know how it is going with you and your H. Go and do this thing....see if works or not with your own eyes and set a definite time limit. If it isn't working, don't beat a dead horse as we say in the west....<P>Gotta go, getting close to my bed time now that we are back at work.<P>Take care<BR>Fred

Hi fred,<P>Hope all is well. How's school going? Can't believe it started back up already. What's going on with your W? Is she being any more receptive to contact?<P>I called to congratulate my SIS on the baby, and she had told me my H said was really happy for them, but added that "at least he hasn't made a mess of their lives as he did his and mine." Well, I guess he is a bit remoreseful.<P>H still hasn't made contact. He has done this before, a few months after we met. We weren't dating or anything, just friends, long-distance. <P>People keep asking me to make sure that i'm moving for ME, but how do I know that? Nothing feels right anymore so how do I know if i'm making the right decision? I know they are only looking out for me because they care, and don't want to see me get hurt again. <P>I've been reading a lot of people's stories about getting through this, and the advice is mostly the same. Take care of yourself, do things for you.....you've heard them. But my situation is different in the respect that I am 32 years old and have no permanent home, no job, scattered friends, a career choice that limits my locations and income, and no money. Others can immerse themselves in work and friends. They have homes to take care of and established routines. I have so much work to do and so many decisions to make. My life is in such limbo that I'm sometimes overwhelmed and become immobilized. I'm in that place right now.<P>I'm sorry to keep dumping on you but it helps to write it out. You've been a big help to me and I really appreciate the time you take to write to me.<P>Thanks, Fred,<BR>Have a good night,<BR>kathy

Glad to hear from you!!!!<P>You are not dumping. Let us just review everything again and please stop worrying about your decision.<P>Yes, you are 32...so,,,,, I am almost 40 and I have been wondering for years if I had made the right choices for my life. I look back on it and see two failed marriages, numerous failed relationships and I wonder if it was all worth it.<P>You need to do what YOU need to do. We already know what you are going to do....so just do it. Do you have limited opportunities...Yep. So, you are married right now. You took vows and you need to KNOW if they were worth keeping or not. That is the most important thing right now.<P>You will get in your car and head out west and you will give your H this one last windo of opportunity and if HE chooses to ignore it then you can pull your self up by your bootstraps and walk off down life's path in another direction. Will you be a failure....nope...just wiser to what you need to do.<P>As to my W....welll...it is same-o, same-o.....I want it too much and she doesn't.<P>School is great. Good kids....I think it will be a good year.<P>I have had a couple of minor meltdowns....over intimacy. I have been trying to ignore how I feel, but it is hard...<P>How is, was it your mom in hospital? How is she doing?<P>Well, I need to be toddling off and get some things done before it gets too late.<P>Tell you what if you would rather vent in not such a public forum e- me at dell9284@hotmail.com<P>Not a problem being there. I look forward to your mails. <P>Oh yes, your friends and family do care about you...but only you can live your life and I can tell from your e's that you will always wonder what if, unless you go do this.<P>Take care and stay in touch.<P>Fred<P>We will be out for the weekend, but I will be around Monday evening. Have a great Labor Day Weekend. Go to the beach, visit a friend or just get a deck chair and veg...

Fred,<P>I know you're away, but i'm sure you will read this once you get back.<P>I want to thank you for being such a good friend and listening to me over the past few months. This BB has provided me a place to vent and to learn. Most importantly it has provided me with comfort and new friends.<P>You truly are a special man. I'll write soon.<P>hope you had a great weekend.<BR>Take care,<BR>kathy

Thanks for the compliment....I don't really think so at times.<P>Had a disastorous weekend. Had a major break down saturday on our way out of town. All over sex as usual. Whenever there is a long weekend, I look forward to some nice relaxing romantic time together....well, unfortunately this did not fit into her plans of time schedules and doing other things.<P>I need to get a hold of a doc and get back on my meds...I hope it helps.<P>Let me know what you are up to.<P>Hope you had a good weekend.<P>Fred<P>By the way -- You are a special person too. You care and that is what makes you special. Remember to care about yourself while you think of your H.

Hi Fred<P>Sorry to hear your weekend didn't go so well. I definately think you should look into going back on your meds. It will probably relax you a bit more. Try not to dwell too much on the intimacy (tough, I know). Let it go for awhile and see how it plays out. Perhaps it will ease the pressure off your wife a bit. <P>But most importantly, take care of yourself and relax. <P>Talk to you soon,<BR>Kathy<P>p.s/ thank you for the compliment too!<BR>

Just wanted to check in and see how things were going?<BR>Any news that is new or just same-o, same-o?<P>Let me know....<BR>Fred

Hi Fred,<P>Sorry i've been slack. Nothing has changed. Still haven't talked to H. I'm recieving a lot of flack from my family regarding my decision. Had a big fight with my sister this morning about it. I guess if I was getting any kind of feedback from H they would understand a bit more.<P>I know I need to bite the bullet and tell him. <P>How's things in your camp? Any news with the wife and that situation?<P>Write soon, i'll try and not be so slack. Take care and have a good weekend.<P>Kathy

Kathy;<BR>OK I missed something...did you make a decision that I didn't catch. What do you have to tell you H. <P>Whatever your decision is, make sure that you are comfortable with it in YOUR heart and to hell (Pardon my language) with everyone else. You are the only one that has to live in your mind and in your body and deal with your life. Only you can do what is best for you.<P>Stay in touch. I am going to try and have a good weekend. It has been a heck of a week. Second week at school, car broke down (Nothing serious, just needs a part that had to be overnited from Denver)and the continual battle with the W goes on...she promises 'tonite' and we have continued to reschedule. She promised for tonite after we are done here at school....I am not holding my breath....<P>I degress, let me know what is up.<BR>Fred

I hope you don't mind, but I need someone to vent at and this is the only place that I can do it at.<P>I am really thinking about checking out permanently....This whole marriage and relationship thing is just totally helpless. I don't get it. I had another blow-up yesterday and again she told me to get ready to move out.<P>Of course it was all over the brat child that thinks she is an adult. Maybe the W is right and I don't know how to handle children....Hell I made four of my own with my former W and now she has them and I will never be a father to them. I also will never have the chance to be a father again.....<P>What a loser I have turned out to be. What is the purpose....I obsess over sex, I get in trouble for reprimanding a kid with a mouth on her that won't stop and then I get put in a position where I have to deal with all of the W mistakes and try and clean up the mess....<P>What is the use? It would be so easy to just take a walk a couple of miles out of town and pick a nice little gully, hike up it a ways and politely dispatch myself....no fuss, no muss and since I would not be found...she could still get everything and go on to live a nice long happy life with all her bills paid and no problems.<P>I am always the one that has to change. I use to think I was pretty cool, now....who knows.....I am just an oversexed, size triple extra fat person with no hope of a future with anyone......What a waste of time and energy. <P>I sincerely hope your life is going better. Don't let the naysayers get to you as they have to me. You go out there and live your own life and above all else be good to yourself because no one else is going to be.

Fred!!!<P>Are you there?? I just got to read your last message. Don't you dare do anything to harm yourself. You are an important person to many. Including me. <P>The incidence with your wife was just that, an incidence. It will pass and it will be forgotten. Just because you reacted to a spoiled little brat, doesn't make you a bad person nor a bad father. Actually, I would say you are a good father. You care about that child even though she makes your life hell.<P>Please, e-mail me or post back. my e-mail is babao69@yahoo.com<P>I'm worried about you and if you don't respond I will have to contact the webmasters/harley's.<P>Call your doctor. If you haven't gotten one yet, call the local clinic or a hotline. <P>Take care of yourself, and yes, people will miss you. Very much.<P>Kathy

I'm back and feeling some better. With all of the events of the past few days...it has been hard. Things at home are not any better. I guess marriage is supposed to be just two people occupying the same space and just existing....<P>Thank you for the kind words. I have a doctor's appointment for next Wednesday...the earliest they could get me in. The car should be done tomorrow (Cross your fingers and legs).<P>Now what was the big decision that you made that I missed?<P>What is going on there?<P>Let me know. No, I will not hram myself yet. I know logically that to do so will only injure me and not anyone else. I just want to be happy and enjoy life, may marriage and just being a live human being on the face of the earth.<P>Hopefully I will get there.<P>I will contact you throught the backdoor and let you know I am still alive in case you don't get this for awhile.<P>Fred

Don't know if you are still there...<P>Finally got in to see the doc yesterday...very nice lady...<P>I have a new acronym for my step daughter P.I.T.A., Pain in the [censored]! I thought it was kind of cute....<P>Got back on my meds....very expensive with the new insurance...<P>I do feel better though now....<P>Let me know what is up with you.<BR>Fred<BR>

Hi Fred,<P>Glad to hear your feeling better. I haven't gotten on the computer much over the last few days, but I am still here.<P>I think that even though the meds are expensive in the long run it will be a good investment. As for your SD, PITA sounds like a fitting name. Any suggestions from you counselor on how to deal with that situation?<P>As for me, things are fine. Having a bit of a scare re: father. He had prostate cancer a few years ago, and now they are wondering if it spread somewhere. He had a bonescan yesterday to see if it was in the bones but that was negative. Now he has to undergo a CAT scan sometime soon.<P>No other news to report. I'll write more soon.<P>I am truly glad you are feeling better. You had me scared <P>Take care,<BR>kathy