I'm really getting scarred now, H told me that he can't do this anymore, he has no trust in me and he thinks I have someone else. He said that the only reason I married him was because I couldn't get anything better at the time and I wanted someone to take care of my son and I. That is so not true. I love him with all my heart and he thinks I'm just using him. What can I do to make this work. I've tried giving him all the attention that he wants and doing everthing he wants me to do but it's still not good enough for him. Why can't I be what he want's. He also said that I'm just using him to get done with school and then I was going to leave him for something better. Where dose on come up with this stuff.
I'm going crazy here and I feel like I'm just a huge loser because I can't make this marriage work and it's only been 7 months now. Why the change after we got married and why no trust what do i have to do.
Please give me some advise. Last night I just wanted to die, but the only thing that keep me alive was my son. I can't leave him wiht no mom or dad.

Hey Carrie
I hope you are still checking in .
I am a guy that has been in the service field most of my adult life. Been in thousands of houses and for some odd reason many people want to tell me their problems. I have also been through a large churches group counceling program where I heard many stories like yours and worse. I am also a fellow with a childhood that has been refered to as disfunctional. The main reason that I write this is that I have seen, said, and felt many things that you write of. Your husband has not been perfect, but neither have you. I should know, I have made enough screwups that I feel I should have somekind of honnorary PHD or something.
The whole thing sounds like it hit the fan when you hit the bar scene. And while I am not an abuser I know that I have never agreed with my wife taking a bar job because it is a bad scene. The reason it is a bad scene is that face it, bars are where disfunctional people go to get their level of inhibition lowered by alchohol, and look for members of the oposite sex who have done the same. I know the people at the bar were good to you, you are a young woman,,,, without a male escort,,,and that is what us guys find to be prettier than money in the bank, literaly.
So what do you do? Well I am sorry that noone that responded to you said this to you earlier, but, there is material on this website such as the basics, the joint agreement thing ect. that you should have been reading imeadiately. You need at least 2 books, His Needs Her Needs and Love Busters. A lot has been posted on this site about serious measures. All well intentioned I am sure but, READ THE BOOKS! Please. I wish you all the best and invite you to e-mail me at dsimmons@classicnet.net . I am not God and cannot give you all the answers, but I feel that you are a good person that just needs a little stearing to get to a great marriage. Your H seems to be very intersted in you, many are scared of such a spotlight, but it is all in how you use it.
I am a Christian and feel that young couples such as you two could do alot worse than to start attending church. When you dedicate your life to Christ and look to him for direction such problems as you have described disapear. Now I know some well meaning person is going to write after me tnat the church didnt work for them. They usualy do. But please know that if you sit in church for and hour and a half a week miracles are what you realy need because you still dont have the son of God leading your life.
You sounded like a good person that needs help and there are some of us that are worried about you, please write.
May God bless and be with you both.

I'm a mess, I lost my husband because I can't make him happy. I disappoint him so much and can't take back what happen between us but would love to make it work. What I feel is trying he says it isn't. I don't spend enough time with him and I think of my self way to much. I lied to him about who I was talking to and that made things really bad, which I should of just been up front with, I just need someone who has been there and know understands where I am and give me guidness to tell me what I'm doing wrong. I have never cheated on him, but I have lied to what I was doing because I was scarred to tell him really what I was doing. now he has no trust in me and want's a divorce we have only been married since (9-01-01) shouldn't a marriage last longer then that? I'm really willing to try and do what he want's me to do, I'll do anything to keep him, I feel so lost right now, I just want to die, if I didn't have a 9 year old son i think i could just go away for ever. I'm not willing to give up on our marriage but he say's there is no hope he has giving me all the chances and I just disappoint him all the time and I never change, I think I'm doing what he want's but it's not. Do I just let him go and let him be or do I fight for him and show him how much he means. He told me that I'm alway's thinging of my self never him. Just what my needs are and never what his are. He want's a baby and I'm really scarred to so that is some of our problem, but i know deepd down if we did have a child maybe our marrieage would work better. I gotta go please reply and help me. I need someone to tell me what i'm doing wrong with my marriage.

Goodmorning, i am new here and dont know where to start, can you please direct me. i also want to let you know that i understand completely although i have been married now for 3 years and it has been so difficult i always thought marriage was going to be beautiful, can you please write back.

Hello, I'm really not sure what to do either, I just write and let all my feeling's out and most of the time feel better about it. How did you stay married for 3 years? I'm having problems with a year. Hope to here from you again.
carrie

Carrie<p>Call your husbands bluff. He is not leaving and if he does it would be a favor to you.