I read Dr Harley's book His Needs, Her Needs and felt that it had specifically been written for me. Unfortunately, it is about 4 years too late, and I wish I'd had access to it at least 10 years ago, when I was making the decision to get married in the first place.<br>I honestly believe that before two people be 'allowed' to get married, they should have to provide proof that they have had some form of professional engagement/pre-marital counselling so that both parties know what they're really getting into when they say those two little words 'I do'.<p>I'm happy to see that Dr Harley has written a book specifically for engaged couples, but at this point it's still a choice, and not a requirement. (Unfortunately, in Zimbabwe, we do not have easy access to these books - His Needs, Her Needs being the only one available). How many of us thought we needed skills/couselling before we took the plunge. It should be law, if not law, at least a social requirement. The law only get involved when it's too late, to sort out settlements, custody, maintenance, etc. Perhaps if they got involved prior to and during the event, they would not be required so much AFTER the event. Sound unromantic - maybe, but based on the high rate of divorce and broken families, this may be the only alternative.<p>Again, once they are married, they should have to sign up with a marriage counsellor for continuous advice, pre-family counselling if they agreed to have children, and parenting workshops to ensure that their marriage can cope with the changing environment.<p>KBear<br>OK, maybe not the law, but at least a social requirement on the advice of the pastor/family. We had two half hour sessions with our priest (Catholic) and he couldn't even look us in the eyes when he was talking on certain subjects. They don't have the experience to give advice on this.<p>K<br>I would get involved in premarital counselling, but having failed so drastically myself, I hardly think anyone would be wanting advice from me.<br>Briefly, I'm 33, married at 26 to the only man I'd slept with since 21. I had an affair at 30 (the same time my husband decided it was time to start a family), fell pregnant, now have a 2 year old son whose paternity is in question, and going through a very messy divorce and custody battle, as my husband refuses to give up the child.<br>How do I give advice to anyone on how to enter into a successful marriage? I'm just trying to tell people that it might have helped me.<br>I have given the book to my sister, whose marriage isn't that bad, and she says she can see exactly what the potential problem areas are in hers.<p>[This message has been edited by Nicole (edited 02-11-99).]

It sounds good in theory, but unless you really want to make your marriage work, it wouldn't help. Couples would just fake their way through the required training. Plus, I don't think government needs to play a part in marriages. <p>I do think that pre-marriage counseling is a terrific way to strengthen your future marriage and all couples should go if they can at all possible. I just don't think we need laws to regulate it, you have to want it.<p>[This message has been edited by KBear (edited 02-09-99).]

Nicole,<p>I agree that the place to educate is before the marriage, and that "The Four Gifts of Love" is a very nice way to start that process.<p>For what it's worth, if you feel that strongly about it, try to get involved in pre-maritial counseling at some level. I DO feel that strongly about this, and have started doing some work with engaged couples.

I am a minister of education in a Baptist Church. I perform a number of weddings each year. The couples for whom I perform weddings agree in advance to a series of appointments for premarital counseling. I realize that my plan isn't perfect. I really prefer that the couples go to a counselor in our area who administers inventories as a part of the premarital counseling. The couples then come to us for their weddings. I don't know how we can make premarital counseling a real requirement, but I do think it is invaluable.<p>Marriage enrichment groups and support groups have potential for all marriages too.<p>

KBear<p>OK maybe not law, but at least a social or ethical requirement. We had two local sessions with our priest (Catholic), and he couldn't even look us in the eye when he was talking on certain subjects!<p>K<br>I would like to get involved in pre-marital counselling, but having failed so drastically I don't think anyone would want advice from me.<br>I'm just trying to tell others that it may help them, before they get married, and during their marriage. Marriages and circumstances change, and unless we have the knowledge to deal with these changes, our marriage could fail.