Wilbok,<P>GO for everything you have coming . This is not meant to be vindinctive, has nothing to do with you wanting to see him unhappy, its just that its your right. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. <P>mitzi,<P>How R u?? I'll be posting later today,<BR>Dana<P>ROb,<P>Hello and nice to see you too, Dana<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by lonelymom:<BR><B>Wilbok,<P>GO for everything you have coming . This is not meant to be vindinctive, has nothing to do with you wanting to see him unhappy, its just that its your right. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. <P>mitzi,<P>How R u?? I'll be posting later today,<BR>Dana<P>ROb,<P>Hello and nice to see you too, Dana</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Dana,<BR>Nice to see you too. Have a wonderful day.<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

Sue, Mitzi lonelymom and professororg<BR>Thanks for your input.<P>TheStudent:<BR>Thank you so much for your input. I value your feedback. <BR>I do believe that by December when I took all 4 kids away for a Millenium cruise and we started to build new memories, I was already able to compartmentalize this mess into 3 parts<BR>1)emotional...and the hurt, anger, understanding the why's etc.<BR>2)financial...which is a HUGE factor in why we are where we are now.H wants and I will no longer and do not have to give!<BR>3)children.<BR>As far as 1 is concerned. H has chosen and that is why we are divorcing. (even if he blames me as I sued for divorce etc...this is his problem, not mine)<BR>I am no longer angry about this as I see him as he is now and all he has lost sight of. The loss is his and my life has been very hard (relatively as I have had to deal with everything and the kids going through this has not been easy, never mind myself)in the short term, it does..or will have a lot of positives in the long term.<P>2)this is for the lawyers to work out and I am no longer mad that H has shown his true colours AS HE IS NOW, and his fantasy bubble will continue to burst as he finds that I am no longer his floor mat to subsidize his way of life at the expense of my children and myself.<P>3)He has used the kids who are all teens to justify the financial aspect, never mind the rest and has played them for all it is worth. This has torn the kids in many ways, leaving me to deal with the anger to me, the anger to him expressed to me, the drop in school marks etc AND THIS WILL CONTINUE. I will try not to let this get to me any more, but it is this part that is so hard.<P>H needs to be the good guy and better person as if this is a contest. It is not and I will not buy into it, so I am the bad parent setting boundaries, saying no and not giving in always.<P>I am not out for revenge...but what is LEGALLY fair. If I was out for revenge, I could have, but chose not to do many other things. I have not and will not.<BR>I did see first wives club, and apart from sorting out the finances, do not need to invest any time in getting back, albeit in a productive and positive way. It is not wrth it. <P>

Mitzi,<BR>I know exactly what you are talking about. I still get mad too. You deserve to be angry. Jumpin' up and down, having a fit angry. Really! It is hard to not do stuff that will make it harder for you in the long run. For me, I knew that rubbing my first husband's nose in it would just cause me more grief and I really just wanted him out of my life.<P>I'm not taking on any more charity cases either. <P>Willbok,<BR>You sound like you've got your stuff together. It is interesting when they figure out that those nice perks that went along with marriage are out the door. Really sinks in you how much you were taken for granted, doesn't it?<P>I know what you mean about the kids. Being weekend dad is a pretty cushy job. Let the kids do whatever they want, for the most part, because he doesn't have to deal with the day-in-day-out discipline issues. Spoil em rotten and buy them lots of stuff. The kids aren't exactly innocent either. They know that you two aren't a team and they are going to work it for all it's worth. That doesn't make them bad kids. Even kids in together families do that stuff. <P>My ex's sister had the same problem as you. Her ex cheated on her with his secretary. He married her less than a year after the divorce. Had the GAUL to want their son in their wedding. Of course, he was only seven and he was excited about it. I'm guessing when he gets older and puts two-and-two together he won't think dad was so nice for doing that. Now he spoils him rotten. His dad has mega-bucks from the business SHE helped him build for the first 7 yrs. of their marriage. <P>