Well I guess I might start the flame with this reply. How fun.<P>Thanks again for all the advice. Sounds like it us up to me. I think I am going to take a risk.<P>Lonely Mom:<P>I think you should go into counseling. You are so profound and always hit home with me. Enjoy your relationship. Sounds like your having a nice time.<P>Well, I better get back to work. This can be addicting.<P>See ya.

I am dating now. My divorce was final a couple months ago. I had my first date after I filed, as I knew it would be uncontested and in GA only takes 31 days to be final, which it did.<P>I am dating a guy who has been calling and checking on me every day since 1/1/00 (my xH's friend). During that time, I never saw him but once for a lunch chat up until our first date. The first 2 couple dates were strained, and I can hardly believe he kept asking me out. I was so nervous and it showed badly. For the first date, we went out and got a quick bite to eat. For the second date, he took me over to meet some friends of his and we had dinner there. That made things a little easier, because the couple was so nice and friendly and it was easier to relax in the "group" setting. <P>I had a lot of these same concerns - teling myslef I don't need to get attached to anyone and I need to make sure I go slow and I need to be careful not to let myself fall for another, etc. Then I thought that perhaps I should not be dating at all and should wait a specified amount of time - like 1 year or so - before even accepting an invitation out. <P>I was driving myself crazy with all these musings and wonderings. Then, I thought I would just go out and see how I felt about it. If I had a good time and could feel comfortable, I would keep going, and if not, I would know I wasn't ready for dating. Well, although I was nervous, I was ready. I had some outings with another I recently met and it did not feel "right" so I broke that off. I am just dating this one guy and I feel super connected to him and it feels "right". Like others have pointed out, I am dating - not going down the aisle. <P>I think this is a really personal decision - kinda like the "When should I throw the towel in?" decision. it is defintely different for each of us, as our needs and wants are unique. My advice is for you to follow your gut - NEVER do anything, including dating, if your gut tells you that you aren't ready. If you are unsure and willing to give it a try, then have a few dates and see if you are having fun. If you aren't then simply stop. Nonetheless, to me the most important thing is to re-engage in LIVING and being active with people and activities that stimulate you and keep you connected to others. Even if you don't want to date or you do and aren't ready yet, there is still alot of fun to be had in the company of friends and loved ones or even out by yourself enjoying some solitary fun!<P>Desiree<p>[This message has been edited by Roll Me Away (edited May 31, 2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I would hate to think that I could miss out on an opportunity for lasting happiness just because I happen to think "Well, it hasn't been 6 months yet...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Wow does that ever sound so familiar! Most of our betraying spouses have said something along those lines.<P>So you believe there is only one person who “can make you happy?”<P>Just a thought...<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Hey guys!<P>I guess I just wanted to come back and say I'm OK. I know I sound like this miserable loser in my first post, but I'm not. I think I need to work on ME for a while. I gave so much of myself in my marriage only to have H walk out without a backward glance. I just don't know that I could ever give myself up like that again - especially after this last year of misery. I want to be happy, but I want a partnership - I don't want to just be the cheerleader. When I started getting a life (work, school, etc) my H became very disinterested. I'm not willing to give things up for someone else anymore.<P>But I wouldn't mind a date now and again .<BR><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Chris...<BR>I don't think it's so much that there is, "only one person who can make you happy". It's just that some people have certain chactreteistics, that are more compatible for us in particular.<P>There probably are not a *huge* number of people that we would find so commpellingly *right* for us. Whether we would meet 10, 5 or one such person in a life time ...who can say? Kathrine Hepburn and Spencer tracy are a good example of the kind of *chemistry* you don't run across every day.<P><p>[This message has been edited by Girlfriend (edited May 31, 2000).]

Keridwen, <P>I know you will date again!! We are strong and vital women who deserve happiness in our lives!! It is easy to get down when you are going through all of this....ya just gotta keep pulling yourself up by the bootstrings and go on..<BR>Having another to share with now has been healing in it's own right. He has been there himself, we can learn from our past mistakes and possibly build something better. <BR><P>------------------<BR>Susan

keridwen,<BR>You said:"<BR>I want to be happy, but I want a partnership - I don't want to just be the cheerleader. When I started getting a life (work, school,<BR>etc) my H became very disinterested. I'm not willing to give things up for someone else anymore."<P>You are not alone with these feelings. My marriage started to fall apart when I went back to school. <P>I just listened to an archived segment on NPR's "Talk of the Nation" marriage series this morning. In Part IV, it asks, are men irrelevant? and they discuss how women's roles have changed but men haven't changed their roles in the "partnership" all that much. Harley mentions that too. Something like 2/3 of women end a marriage. Anyway, for anyone who is interested in the story...<BR> <A HREF="http://www.npr.org/ramfiles/totn/19990803.totn.01.ram" TARGET=_blank>http://www.npr.org/ramfiles/totn/19990803.totn.01.ram</A> <P>They also have a good segment in Part 1, called "What is marriage for?" and talks about the history of marriage. <BR> <A HREF="http://www.npr.org/ramfiles/totn/19990713.totn.01.ram" TARGET=_blank>http://www.npr.org/ramfiles/totn/19990713.totn.01.ram</A>

Chris,<P>Maybe I worded that in a weird way but I am not a betrayer. Never have been, never will be. My marriage was completely different than most here. When I first came here, I was devastated and wanted my H back. After being here for a while, I found out that my marriage was not good to begin with. I was beaten for 10 years. I will not rebuild my marriage. No matter what. My H was abusive and had an affair that is still ongoing, and I can't forget about that. <P>Now that doesn't mean I'm out looking for a man. BUT if someone came along that I was interested in, I would give it a chance, slowly. I have worked on me and know who I am now and what it takes to make a relationship work. My divorce will hopefully be final soon, I can't wait for that. Not to jump in bed with someone, but to be completely free of a man who controlled my life for so long. don't need him, I don't want him and there is no hope or reconcilliation. <P>I won't jump into a serious relationship for the simple fact that I like being by myself right now, just me and my sons. But to say that I sound like a betrayer is completely way off. I do kinda resent it. I busted my butt doing a sort of plan A for the whole time we were together. Did it work? No. My H is just not the typical human being. He's also an alcoholic. My children and I are much better off without him. And if someone else happen to pop into my life that could be good for us and was a good person, I wouldn't completely rule it out.<P>Mitzi

Well I just came back from the counselor and guess what? He said I shouldn't date for 1 yr. At least wait 6 months. He said be very careful and don't run into anything. If I want to be around men he suggests it be in a group setting. Or at least with another couple. Of course, he said I am a grown women and will make my decision regardless of what he says, but based on 25 years of experience, he really thinks I should wait. He thinks I should have fun with my women friends for a while. <P>So, I am going to try and take it really slow. If I feel I'm moving too fast, I'm going to just have to back away a little bit. <P>Wish me luck.<P>I really didn't expect to cause such a stir with this thread. But, I think it is so helpful to everyone's different point of view.<P>Thanks again everyone. Your advice has been very helpful.

Hey Mitzi,<BR> So what time do you want me to pick you up Friday night???<BR> --Murph

Hey Murph!<P>You know I'm cracking up now, don't ya?! <P>How bout 7? <P>Mitzi

Mitzi,<BR> Aren't we all?<BR> Just how long is that flight from Seattle to W.Virginia? I might be a few minutes late!<BR> --Murph

You go guys!!!.......LOL..... <P>Gina....

What is the difference between a "relationship" and "dating ?" Can you date within 6 months but not get into a realtionship ?<P>Lisa,<BR>I wasn't trying to sterotype the two ladies I met. Its just that the waitress works afternoons, like my x does/did, and I work dayshift, so that limits the time we could go out, plus with the kids I can't run out in thr middle of the nite like I can in the evening. She is intersting though and I think She can teach me how to relate to "todays" woman. I real old fashioned and I think that can be a detrement sometimes. <P>I guess it may not be to woman my age, but the younger woman I've met so far don't seem to care about doors being opened for them and you can say anything you want too in front of them and they aren't embarrassed. <P><BR>It might be I am meeting the wrong women!<P>p.s. <BR>I have a date with the school teacher this weekend!<P>Bob<P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger

Bob,<P>You stay true to your self!!........ <BR>We need more gentelmen in the world!<P>You will find someone that will appreciate this........it is good thing!!<P>Good luck this weekend!<P>Gina

711,<P>There is nothing wrong with hanging out with your girlfriends. Even though I have been dating someone for awhile, I still make sure that I spend at least one night on the weekends I don't have my kids with my girl friends. They provide the support, advise and love that I need at this point in my life. They introduced me to my current beau and they make my life feel very compleat, even though I feel like the only divorced woman in my suburban neighborhood.<P>And if you can't get friends to go out and bond with come here and we can watch Murphy and Mitzi have a virtual date! LOL<P>Take care and be happy!<P>Gerri

Hey Murph!<P>I figure it would take about 8 hours to get here. So, that means you would have to leave Seattle before noon to get here by 7. <P>I'll leave the light on! LOL LOL<P>Mitzi

Mitzi,<BR> I'll check the price of airfare.<BR> It's a good thing we're doing a dutch-treat date.Have your checkbook ready!<BR> --Murph

Mitzi, Murph....<BR>Make sure and let us all know how it goes!!!!<BR>We can call this episode "The Many Romances of the MB Forum"!!! hehe!!!<P>------------------<BR>Susan

RWD,<BR>I see what you are saying about the time issue. You know I wasn't trying to beat up on you! <BR>I hope the date goes great.<BR>I don't know how old you are but, I am 36 and I don't mind if a guy opens my door or not. But, I like it if they do. It shows they are trying to be a gentleman. Who knows, I guess I am probably getting too old too! LOL<BR>On dating again:<BR>I shouldn't be talking about dating rituals. I haven't gotten to that point yet. I guess I am ready, but, don't know where to look. <BR>Went out last weekend with a friend of mine to a couple places. Sports type bars. I am uncomfortable in the bar scene. It has been 8 1/2 mos. since H moved out. I feel OK about dating. Nothing serious. I wouldn't want to meet a potential serious man, while I am still going through this process. Not to mention I am really still married. <BR>My tough thing is where do you go to meet a nice guy? Guys, any suggestions?<BR>Thanks, Lisa