Hey Murph,<P>I'll make ya a deal...you take care of the flight and I'll take care of everything else! LOL <P>Susan,<BR>We'll post this weekend to let y'all know how it goes! <P><BR>Mitzi

Mitzi, I apologize if it sounded like I was saying you were the betrayer. It is just that is the mentality/thought process of a betrayer. Sort of like, "it's time I thought of <B>ME</B> for once in my life!"<P>Yeah it's true sometimes a mariage will NOT work out. If yours was like that, then I wish you nothing but the best in the future. Prayerfully thinks will work out for the best.<P>Oh by the way Murph & Mitzi,<BR>Remember. No sex in the champagne room! LOL<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Lisa,<P>Everybody keeps telling go to places where there are activities that you enjoy and that way when you do meet someone there, you will have a common interest.<P>I see that was something missing in my marriage. My x doesn't like sports at all and is almost intolerant of them and she doesn't like that same kind of music as I do. While I like sports I am not addicted to them like a lot of men I know.<P>I guess I really didn't support her in her music tastes either. I see where I dropped the ball in arranging things she really liked to do.<P>Well live and learn I guess.<P><BR>Mitzi,<P>If Murph stands you up, I'm only 4-5 hr drive away. I have to be home Sun though !<P>Bob

Chris,<P>It is the mentality of a betrayer but it is also the mentality of an abused person who finally got out. No hard feelings at all and apology accepted. Please accept my apology for sounding a little too harsh in my reply to you.<P><BR>Bob,<P>WOW! I haven't had this many offers in years! LOL LOL Hey if not this weekend, maybe next weekend! LOL <P>Mitzi

Well I didn't know I was going to start internet dates. HMMMM.<P>RWD - I guess I won't work for you since I hate sports, probably because that is all the x wanted to watch, play, etc. Oh Well. You sounded like such a great guy. Not that we should be dating on the net.<P>Just Kidding. I can't believe we are on page 3.<P>I'm home early because someone wants to buy my house. Have to sell for the divorce so I'm pretty sad about it.<P>Cry me a river OK.<P>Limerick: Maybe you are my twin?<P>

Bob...<BR>And I thought you were waiting for me....<P>Boo Hoo!!! Men are so fickle!!!<P>------------------<BR>Susan

711,<P>Sorry about the house, but think of it as a fresh start. New diggs, make it yours. Scale down. I am jealous, I would love a change. <P>Hey Mitzi, <P>Get a ride here (Seattle) you can stay w/me, and meet the Murph. LOL!<P>Gerri<P>PS I forgot it always rains here come prepared!!!

Yeah, it is going to be kind of neat to own a house on my own and with all credit card debt paid off. Never been there before.<P>Hopefully, my knight and shining armour will come sweep me off my feet, after I have had some time alone with the kids in my new digs. Just kidding. I know there is no such thing. I don't want to get anyone started.<P>Well this has been quite the post. I wonder how long it will go.<P>Have fun Mitzi and Murph. Even the names sound good together.<P>Sue, you better like sports if you are going after Bill. That's the only reason I think we wouldn't have hit it off. He sounds like such a catch. I like the old ways.<P>See ya!

There are no single men at church. <BR>There are no single men at work. <BR>There were no appropriate single men at school. <BR>There were no single ment where I've done volunteer work. <P>Where are they? How do I find them? <P>I'm 43 and the mother of two elementary schoolers, working presently in the church office. Folks, I'm ready to take care of me.<P>I've been out of circulation for a long time and none of my friends has offered up a single man as a prospect. <P>Where are the decent guys hiding? :confused<P>What's a woman to do?

Mitzi,<BR> I'm having a hard time booking a flight.They were going to put me on a Boeing jet,but the engines keep falling off.I might have to hitch a ride on a E.Washington cropduster,so it may take me a while to get there......<P> Cinderella,<BR> There's lots of good men out there,you just have to know where to look:<BR> The singles bars;check out that older guy with the gold chains,and ponytail.<BR> The biker bars;walk in with a pair of hotpants on,and you won't have a problem getting a date!<BR> Drug reabilitation centers;lots of decent men,looking for a good woman to lean on.<BR> Construction sites;walk by looking your best.The worker who yells"Hey,hey Baby!"the loudest,is your man.<BR> See,lots and lots of decent men to choose from.Don't be so picky!<BR> Maybe some of the other guys here can help you out,too!Good Luck!<BR> --Murph<BR> <BR>

There are single men in the divorce support groups. At least at mine. And, I'm in trouble, because I have some major chemistry going on with someone. My counselor is begging me not to get involved yet. That it is way too early but my heart is saying go for it. But I don't want to get hurt. We are both fresh out of relationships and so vulnerable. But ......<P>Help!!!

Hello , been a while, since I have made a post, I got divorced after being separated since Oct. I would suggest waiting 6 months before dating, just to get your head together so to speak.<P>------------------<BR>joanne<P><BR>

Sue, <P>Shhhhh, thats supposed to be our little secret!!!!!<P>711,<BR>Just to clarify, I'm not addicted to sports, I do enjoy participating, playing softball 2 nites a week in summer and fall and playing basketball in winter 1-2 nites per week. I also sneak in some golf usually 9 holes early Sat morning. I would like to do more but I have kids and they have always come first with me. I do/did miss my stuff(I don't like to) when they had events. My x still thought I was addicted. I guess om doesn't like sports at all so he already is better than me in her eyes.<P>Cinderella,<P>Just give yourself time, don't look too hard. I am in the same boat you are in that there is only a few single woman in my church, I work from home so there are none here and I don't volunteer because I have kids.<P>Look into another church, Is there a bigger church nearby? I wanted to do that as theis church has about 5 singles groups alone, but my kids don't want to, so we stay at our church.<P>The women that I have met, where at a Super Bowl party that we were both invited to at the last minute, two at my son's third grade outing and 1 at a bar/restaurant. I ahve some friends that supposedly were going to fix me up but nobody has.

Sue, <P>Shhhhh, thats supposed to be our little secret!!!!!<P>711,<BR>Just to clarify, I'm not addicted to sports, I do enjoy participating, playing softball 2 nites a week in summer and fall and playing basketball in winter 1-2 nites per week. I also sneak in some golf usually 9 holes early Sat morning. I would like to do more but I have kids and they have always come first with me. I do/did miss my stuff(I don't like to) when they had events. My x still thought I was addicted. I guess om doesn't like sports at all so he already is better than me in her eyes.<P>Cinderella,<P>Just give yourself time, don't look too hard. I am in the same boat you are in that there is only a few single woman in my church, I work from home so there are none here and I don't volunteer because I have kids.<P>Look into another church, Is there a bigger church nearby? I wanted to do that as theis church has about 5 singles groups alone, but my kids don't want to, so we stay at our church.<P>The women that I have met, where at a Super Bowl party that we were both invited to at the last minute, two at my son's third grade outing and 1 at a bar/restaurant. I ahve some friends that supposedly were going to fix me up but nobody has.

Hey Murph,<P>I like your advice on how to find a man! Now I know what I've been doing wrong!! LOL <P>You could always take Greyhound. Might be faster than that cropduster! <P>Gerri,<P>Thanks for the invitation! <P>Mitzi

Ok, maybe this is a dumb question, but here we are, the betrayed talking about waiting for 6 months to a year at least before dating while our WS were dating someone before the marriage fell apart. How is it they can be ready for a NEW relationship while in the midst of an old one while we have to wait? Not that I'm looking to date right now, but it seems weird to me. I personally think that's one of the reasons these affair relationships generally fail. They don't give themselves any time to be single and work out their own problems. Just thought I would throw that in the mix.<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Keridwen,<BR> I'm getting ready to leave for work right now,but wanted to say I agree with you 100%.<BR> Have a good day. --Murph

Hi everyone, <P>I will be away a few days but I wanted to reply to some of you! <P>FIrst to 711, yes I have thought about counseling, thank you for the compliment I actually was debating on becoming a marriage counselor, go figure !!! One thing I'd like to comment on, is your counselor. I'm no expert, but has this person been betrayed as severly as many of us (say like Mitzi or myself?). Just remember that ultimately, its your life and you must follow your heart. This chemistry you have found, thats exactly what I was talking about with Mitzi. Sometime's it is hard to walk away from that.<P>Sue : No flames from me, you think very similar to me on this subject!<P>Keri: When the time is right, and you feel good about yourself, you'll know. We all heal different, we all had different circumstances. You'll find your way , sending you strength and hugs .<P>Mitzi - I wouldn't worry about the comment from Chris. You have been thru a lot. You didn't deserve it. You tried your best. Your divorce is almost final. Your ex is still with OW. You don't sound like a betrayer, because only a BETRAYER will sound like a betrayer. Not all of us chose to wait 2 or 3 years to save a marraige that doesn't necessarily need saving. Sometimes, we made bad choices at a young age. We are wiser now. Some of us (you and me I know for sure), need to be with a much better person than we were with the first time around.<P>Oh and to 711, good thread I knew I'd see flames the second I read the title!!! Don't let your counselor give you too much grief on this subject, it is minor in comparison to the devastation of the affair. You can always see a different counselor for a second opinion. Follow your heart and know that is what is meant to be, will happen . Prayers and hugs to all, Dana<BR>

I keep hearing "follow your heart". Following your heart can take you to some really stupid places. The betrayers followed their hearts, right? Look where it got them. They went after some new man/woman to make them feel better about themselves, for whatever reason. <P>If someone is coming fresh out of a divorce, they don't know what their "heart" is and what is just plain risky. That is why it takes time.<P>If you don't want to wait, that is fine too. There are lots of people who don't mind taking risks, like people who skydive, or bungy jump, for example, and really enjoy the adreniline rush.<P>"A little bird told me that jumping is easy, that falling is fun. Right up till you hit the sidewalk, shivering and stunned..." Until you are ready to "hit the sidewalk" again, you aren't ready to date and that doesn't happen overnight. Wouldn't alot of you (men and women) like to feel like your self-esteem is not attached to the approval of the opposite sex? Isn't that one of the things that hurt so bad about our divorces? Maybe even one of the things that could have lead to our divorces? Just some food for thought.<p>[This message has been edited by TheStudent (edited June 02, 2000).]

Student, <BR>I am not sure if I would say my self esteem is tied up in being attractive to the opposite sex, but I will say it is an ego stroke to know you are still desirable to them, especially when you have been betrayed and can feel quite inadequate when that is going on. <BR>I have always had good self esteem. I felt capable, attractive, fun, etc. Then when my X got involved with a woman 15 yrs younger than me, and he wouldn't end it after two years, I have to say my self esteem took a hit. I felt fat, old, ugly, depressed, etc. These were not constant thoughts, but something I never had to deal with before. <P>I did not date to restore my self esteem. I dated because I enjoy the opposite sex, the conversation, the closeness, the companionship. I have that also with some of my woman friends as well. The added perk of feeling desirable again to a man was just icing on the cake. <P>------------------<BR>Susan