cinderella,<P>Our children should be raised by two parents. A distant second best is two parents who do not live together but are on the same team when it comes to the children. Unfortunately, everything my H seemed to believe about raising children has gone out the window, and I can no longer even hazard a guess about how he will feel about any given issue re the kids. He even sounds like he is quoting from someone else (I wonder who) when he says anything about the kids. Divorce won't solve that problem. <P>Martha,<P>Some people claim that the OW's are not the "devil incarnate" - but anyone who tries to limit the amount of time a man can spend with his kids, or who tries to prevent the mother of his children from talking to him in order to share essential logistical information, or who lies to my children when she wants to be rid of them, does not have their best interests at heart. <P>Frank,<P>It doesn't really matter in my state either whether I sign or not, after the waiting period has expired (and that was many months ago). I will not perjure myself before the court or before my children. <P><BR>honey.west,<P>I am doing pretty much what I would advise anyone else in my situation to do - stand for my marriage. <P>I am raising six kids with very little assistance from my H, I'm working part-time, I have a high maintenance house/small farm - what more, exactly, do I have to do to be "strong"?<P>And why would I care if someone else questioned why I would take my H back? I don't need to defend myself, about that or anything else, when I know what I am doing is right. You can't live your life according to what other people think. I never did understand the concept of peer pressure (and for the most part my kids don't seem to either, thank goodness). <P>

Nellie,<P>If I have come off sounding cold and heartless, or a fanatic feminist denegrating the role of father, I am truly sorry. I also understand that I have the luxury of time, which does help heal, on my side. My husband and I separated June 97. But your stuff brought back heartwrenching memories. <P>It does take both parents to raise children. Both parents who have the children interests first and foremost in their mind. Right now, for whatever the reason, that is not the case with your husband. He may be listening to the advice of the OW, but he certainly doesn't have to take it. He is choosing that path. <BR>I have to wonder, does she have kids? I can't imagine a mother would ever have an affair with a man with 6 children. My guess would be that she is childless, selfish and vain, and a more apt description of her would be immoral and clueless to the real-world responsibility of children, and the damage to them she is doing. Bet she thinks the children will just "go away." Quite the intoxicating ego boost for these women, to imagine themselves such alluring femme fatales that these "love-sick" men sacrifice their families for them. The ludicrousness of such an ego would be funny if it didn't have such tragic results. But, if she does have kids, I agree - she is plain evil.<P>I bet you are working from the moment you get up, to the moment you go to bed at night. That you are exhausted, that you don't have a minute of free time. I bet you have that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach all the time, that it is hard to eat and sleep. That the responsibility of doing it all alone is overwhelming at times. That at times you are short-tempered and snap at the kids, and then feel horrible. That is what happened to me, anyway. <P>Just take care of yourself - physically, emotionally and legally. Until your husband comes to his senses, you are the only parent, and the children are of paramount importance. <P>Oh, and it isn't acquaintances who will question you - it will be your family and friends - the ones helping you - the ones who love you, and see what this has done to you, and don't want it to happen again. Believe, me. I wouldn't have made it, if it hadn't been for my family, but they were very vocal with their protests fearing I would get back with my ex. But when I was strong, and doing well, they understood why I would have (but never liked it!).

honey.west,<P>Yes, she does have children. And she apparently wants my children to be raised like hers have apparently been - I get the impression that they are basically ships passing in the night rather than a real family.

Yuck.<P>I know when I had a baby, it completely changed my priorities, my outlook on life, like I finally "got it" - I understood why we're all here. If I had started younger, I would have had six like you. I think that maternal instinct kicks in with about 98% of women. I'll never understand that other 2%.<P><BR>