<B>TS,</B><P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I don't believe in divorce, except under very rare circumstances. Disappointment, hurt, even betrayal. These are facts of life to me. The other person has their own problems in life that have nothing to do with me. The goal of marriage (IMO) is not to be perfect, or be able to meet each others needs all of the time. It is to have another person to share life's ups and downs. Even if my spouse has lost faith, doesn't mean I have to.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Gosh,TS........I couldn't have said any of that better!.....I so agree w/you!!<BR>You are absolutly right!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>My second ex didn't have the courage to work on himself either. After a year of enduring much of his anger and humiliation, I still did not divorce him.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>When you were going through all of this.....were you to still living together or did he move out?<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Moving onto someone new only delays facing these issues (IMO) because we get to tell our stories again, hide what we want, reveal what we want. In time, the same issues come up over and over and over.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Once again I do really agree w/you!<BR>I have told you before and I will say it again that I really value your opinions and thoughts on this!.....(I really like your convictions and your morals!)<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I haven't answered your question, though. I appreciate the gentle way you've posed your question. It is clear to me that alot of people have a fundamentally different approach to marriage than I do. Saying any more will probably just hurt you, and I don't want to do that.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> <P>It is ok that you didn't answer my Q....and I wasn't trying to be gentle....I was just talking the way I normally do!<P>I believe that you are a wonderful very caring women and I appreciate the fact that you don't want to say anything to hurt me!<BR>(thanks.......but I really wouldn't be asking these Q to you If I didn't want your opinion!!)<P>Hey,I am a big girl and can handle different opinions!...(ok,maybe sometimes!....LOL)<P>Yes....I would say that we all do have a different apparoach to marriage.<BR>But I also know that we all have to live w/ourselves and have to be able to sleep at night for the way that we behaved,contributed,to the down fall of our marriages!<P>Now,I do know for a fact that you are not the only one on a second marriage.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I know that if I were to get remarried, and was divorced again, I would most certainly end my life. THAT is how much I am opposed to divorce. I would rather die than go through this again.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>TS,I would hope that you would never have to go through that a 3 time!<BR>(I would sorely miss you on here!!!!)<P>But let me ask you this..........is it the actually D in of it's self?.....Or is it the pain,rejection and abandonment issues that make you not aprove of it??<P>I will say this........I have battled back and forth for the last 10 months....about my actions and the way that I treated my H,but the one difference w/us (my H and I) is the fact that I came from a religious back ground he did not.<BR>I come from a wonderful supportive,"Beaver Cleaver" kind of family........he did not!<BR>I wanted for him to get help.......(even told me that he knew that he needed counceling but wasn't gonna do it!)......gee thanks hon,I guess that my self and your children are not that important. <P>I am actually grateful that this happen!<BR>Out of all of this pain and rejection that I have had to face the greatest thing has come out of it!!!<P>He is actually a FATHER now,for 8 years he has never really been around!<BR>He is finally being the Daddy and Father that he should have been all along!<BR>He has spent more time w/them after he moved out than he ever has!!!<P>Now,I ask you isn't that better for the children to finally have a father???<BR>(Even if that means not living in the same house w/their mother?)<P>I do appreciate your thoughts!<P>Take it easy!<P>Gina <P><BR><P>------------------<BR>"If we deny love that is given to us,if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss,then our lives will be empty,our loss greater!"-----Anonymous----

Hi Gina,<P>My ex moved out two weeks after my confession. Up until the time he moved out, he stayed with friends. We never lived together again. <P>It is not the rejection I am suffering most from, although that does hurt too. What sticks in my brain is all of the awful things he said to me that year. What also bothers me are the sacrifices I had made during my marriage and during the time *I* was trying to save our marriage, just to have it all end.<P>I do feel like a "marked" woman though, having had two divorces. I know people who are my age and have never been married. I think their dating options are much more desirable. For me personally, it doesn't much matter whose fault it is. Either I can't pick 'em, or there is some reason these men leave me. Either way, I'm screwed up.<P>Maybe I can't answer your question cause I don't know the answer myself. No matter what people say to make me feel better, I do feel like damaged goods. I never felt that way with earlier break-ups. My failures are public record, and I don't like that. If I met someone who had initiated a divorce, I'd have to wonder how easy it would be for them to initiate another. I have two female friends who initiated both of their divorces, and, as much as I like them, there is a certain level I do not trust them at.

<B>TS,</B><P>Man.......that is really rough!!<P>I do know the feeling about the "Marked" women.Even tho this will be my first.<BR>(and mind you it will be my last,I will not go through this again!!.....shoot maybe I wont ever get married,hell,I don't know!<BR>As much as I "Talk" about moving on and remarriage again,it does down right scare the [censored] out of me!!)<P>I absolutly hate the thought that at the school that I work at I will no longer be <BR>"Mrs Smith"........but "MS.Smith"....that does make me feel like a "Looser" a "Failure"<BR>but most of all a "Quitter"!!........<P>Did I give up??......yes,of course I did,do I like the fact that I did?.....Hell no!<BR>But my self worth,just my sanity was at stake!<P>I do understand what you feel about your girlfriends.....<P>Even tho people here have told you that you are a great women and have so much to offer,and to not think of your self as damaged goods......it is hard to not think about that in your self.(I do know.)<P>The one thing tho that I have found.......is <BR>if you believe that you are a Great Women,and worked your a@$# off to keep your marriages and did the best you can(it will show on the outside to others that you indeed have a lot to offer!!(all of this really doesn't mean that you are a bad person)<P>Most of all TS,I do know this if you continue to believe these things and show this on the outside to everyone to see,then they will believe it as well!!!!<P>I don't know think about it!<P>Thank you so much for talking w/me.....I really do admire you! Your strength just floors me!(I only wish that I had even half of the strength that you have!)<P>Take care!<P>Have a good day!<P>Gina <p>[This message has been edited by w.g.up.h (edited August 18, 2000).]