Honey West,<P>You said it so well!<P>" But Discarded - strong, confident, self-reliant women, don't go screw around with married men for years, and don't accept being setup in houses with cars. Mothers who care about their children, don't introduce a marriend man into their lives. A woman who isn't planning on being married as soon as the ink dries on the divorce decree does not sport an engagement ring, and talk about her fiance."<P>and<P>"And I understand how you, as a scrupulous woman cannot compete with an unscrupulous one when the husband is the willing pawn."<P>It seems to me that there are only two ways to combat this type of women. <P>#1 You have to be more *****y and manipulative than she is- and I don't think most of us are or we wouldn't be here.<P>#2 You have to love them back- but this doesn't work unless the WS is willing and has somewhat of the blinders off. <P>I believe way #2 is the only REAL way of having anything that is worth having though. So, I don't put much faith in the long term happiness of couples who meet this way. I can look at my dad for validation of that. He messed around with dozens of women before finding one he left my mom for. Although they've been married for 20+ years, they sure haven't been happy years. They've been filled with adultery on both sides and OCs. What a way to live.<P>I hope that if your H decides to be with this OW, she turns out to be just like my step-mom! ha!

People do not generally have affairs because of something missing in the marriage, but because of something missing in themselves. Rational people, if something were missing in the marriage, would ASK for what they need, and in the vast majority of cases, especially when a spouse leaves after decades of marriage, depression is involved. I am sure that a 40 year old yoga instructor would be a great ego boost for him. Affairs are not about how they feel about their affair partner. Affairs are about how the affair partner makes them feel about themselves.

Hi,<P>I am very sorry for the corner you seemed to be pushed into.<P>Make that corner into a paradise that you can live and grow. <P>Sometimes having little choice is better than having too many choices. What I am saying is that you have your health, your finances, a nice house, but you don't want the divorce (I am not even sure whether I want to stay). You spoke about your looks and your weight in another thread.<P>I am not you, but if I were in your position, I would make my WS pay for therapy and counselling with the best, body massages and wraps, facials and a facelift (with the best that the Hollywood stars use. Please don't tsk tsk me - even Margaret Thatcher, Hillary Clinton, Ronald Reagan, etc., went for that. If you look at the mirror, you can feel the energy coming back. I haven't done that but I may one day).<P>I would enrol in a long distance course to do something I am passionate about ot take up piano playing and pottery or painting and wood carving, to create something of beauty out of nothing or little.<P>I would sponsor a child in a poor country and correspond with him/her (get an English speaking child).<P>I would volunteer my services at a local charity or school for a couple of hours a week.<P>I would call my great friends and loving family and tell them I llove them and visit.<P>I would go overseas for a holiday (somewhere safe) and look at the sights and enjoy myself as if I had only one month to live.<P>I would do the thing that I most wanted to as if I had only a very short time.<P>I would sit down and pen my obituary and really reflect on what my life really was and what I would like to be remembered for. <P>I would make my peace with Jesus and lay my troubles on His shoulders and be awashed with the innocence of being guilt-free and conscience clear.<P>Dear Discarded, I hope you will find peace in your choas soon.<P>God Bless and Loves You<BR>Take Care<BR>weep

Thanks to everyone for all you have had to say. Even if I don't reply to all of you, you all have given me much to think about and I am thinking about all you say.