JH93- No, don't worry, I'm not suicidal. That was when I was still on Paxil back last March. Like I said before, it was the Paxil, not me. And please know that if you decide to go off it, you need to GRADUALLY do it..don't go cold turkey!!!!You would be in a BIG DUMP if you do. It is very powerful. Any anti-dep is.<BR>RC- I'm not really into sports..except where they involve horses, but I do enjoy going to games where one's "kid" might be playing, whether high school football, or a 7y/o's baseball. I have so many things that take my time right now. Like school, being Mom, etc.<BR>Nice to know that you're in Seattle area. Thanks for letting me know.

Thanks for the info on the Paxil. I guess I won't just quit cold turkey. <P>RC, you must have posted when I was working on my other response, otherwise I would have seen where you said you were from Seatle which is nowhere near KC!<P>DUKE??????? How can you possibly be a fan of DUKE? Of all teams to be fond of......<BR>and I thought you had potential <P>------------------<BR>JH93<p>[This message has been edited by Jayhawk 93 (edited October 14, 2000).]

JH93 -<P>Well.....the Dukies have been my favorite team since I was watching them win in the Final Four while I was trying to have my first son. I guess my son wasn't much of a Duke fan since he waited until the next afternoon (ouch!) But he does love basketball and is a pretty scrappy defensive player (not that I'm proud of my kids or anything)

RC:<BR>Well I guess I won't hold your love for the Dukies against you, as it's probably as strong as my love for the Jayhawks. I have just held a grudge against Duke for beating my Jayhawks for the National Title about 10 years ago. And if I'm not mistaken, they've beaten us just about every time we've met since then, including last year's March Madness.<P>As long as you didn't name your son after Bobby Hurley, you're ok in my book!<P>------------------<BR>JH93

Jayhawk:<P>That was some very good advice and does have me thinking again. I too planned on waiting a year and just dating for fun. I hadn't dated since I was 18 years old and was very nervous about it. That was when I posted "Dating Again". I was worried about how you shut down your emotions if you meet someone you like. Well, I did meet someone I liked and haven't been able to shut down my emotions and walk away even though I understand all the concerns and risks involved with two recently divorced people hooking up. We both are in counseling and have both been told this is not a good idea and they both are trying to keep this "out of control locomotive on the tracks". My therapist loves analogies. I know I am taking chances now with being hurt but I just can't let a good thing pass me by. If or when that other shoe falls, I hope everyone here will be supportive of me and not tell me I told you so. I really definitely need some support if that happens. I hope I can be one of the few who can actually make a "too soon" relationship work. I know. I'm crazy.<P>But, I am going to print out your email so I can discuss it with him tonight because you raised some issues that we probably should talk about again and again. We are getting very serious and I really wasn't expecting that.<P>Thanks for your email.<P>Talk to you all later.<P>Jen

Jayhawk - Was that a proposal? Hey, now I've been proposed two by three men. This one was sight unseen. <P>Maybe! How's that for an answer? I have to know what makes you qualified to be my true love? How do you feel about children? animals? books? What mental illnesses run in your family? Can you afford me? Would you consider moving farther east?<P>Come over for dinner Friday night and let's see what we can work out. BTW - I'm not the world's biggest sports fan. Baseball seems like a waste of time to me. 3 hours spent watching 15 minutes of action and 2 hrs. and 45 minutes of men spitting and scratching their genitals. Just figured there'd be men at the Aussie rules game. Didn't find any. Sigh.<P>As to why did I post my personal ad - there are no single men at work, school, church, volunteer places, children's schools - well at least none I've noticed or who seem to have noticed me. The ad was sort of a "why not" thing. Really figured I'd find no one just get a few free dinners out of it in exchange for spending a couple of hours with some jerks. Met a really nice man though.<P>I did give my card to a man at my son's soccer game Saturday. His son goes to same school as my son and plays in same league. He's interested in photos and I may have some since our son's teams played each other. No ring. Told him to call and I'd see if I had anything. <P><p>[This message has been edited by cinderella (edited October 16, 2000).]

711,<P>I’m glad you found my advice helpful and am happy to see that you are going to share this with your new found love. I think that is a very healthy thing to do. Just a question going back to one of your other posts, how does he feel about your X’s (lack of) boundaries with your new house? <P>Cinderella,<P>Hmmmm, was that a proposal you asked? Tell you what, let’s just see how dinner goes on Friday I can’t really make any proposals yet since I am still married. It’s not like I live in Utah!<P>Now let’s see….what makes me qualified to be your true love??? Again, I’m going to have to defer to Friday’s dinner on that one. By the way, what would you like for me to cook? I’m best at grilling (steak, salmon, chicken. Kabobs), but can make a mean pot of spaghetti or a good batch of macaroni and cheese! Sorry, but my W was the gourmet in my life. But don’t worry, I don’t go hungry too often. Just ask the Taco Bell around the corner, they know me by name!<P>As far as kids go, I think their great. Especially when they aren’t mine and I can give them back at the end of the day. I truly love my niece and nephew (6 and 4) but they wear my a- - out! Maybe by the time I have my own they’ll be old enough to help out. I do love animals and often refer to my dog and my cat as my 2 sons. My W took my 2 girl kitties with her and I feel their loss as well. I’m not a big fan of books, although I will start one from time to time, I just rarely finish. And I’m glad to say that there aren’t any mental illnesses that run in my family, except for my wife, but that’s not my fault <P>I read in another post that you didn’t consider yourself high maintenance, but since you asked if I could afford you, it makes me wonder At this point I’m just trying to afford myself which isn’t always easy. I’m still trying to get myself to the point that my W <B>thought</B> we were already at I would consider moving farther East, especially if it was to Maine. I’ve never been there, but the pictures I’ve seen of the coast line have been beautiful. If I hit the lottery, I’ll definitely have one ‘little’ place up there and there would plenty of opportunity for you to take pictures Then I could buy a bunch of fixer-upper properties and you can help me put them back together!<P>I am a big sports fan, but am trying to put it into perspective. I regret now making my W a football widow for 4-1/2 months of Sundays (and Saturday’s for college) each year. I like following baseball, but that is more of a radio sport for me. Since you’re in Tennessee, try watching the Titans. They have a pretty good team again this year and I’m sure you’d find plenty of men out there. Just don’t forget about me ok!?!<P>By the way, being a Southern girl, how’s your accent?<BR><P>------------------<BR>JH93

Jayhawk:<P>As to your questions regarding boundaries (or lack thereof), he doesn't like it. He stayed quiet at first but then said it bothered him. He did say that he probably was stepping over the line himself giving such opinions but wanted to let me know how he feels. I did talk to my x and we have worked out some boundaries although it is still hard for either of us to not see our kids all the time. I think that is why boundaries are hard to set for us. Neither of us wants to not let the other see the kids so we allow boundaries to be broken. I think it is just important to make sure we call ahead which has now been happening.<P>Jen

JH - Friday night will be fine. My carriage can deliver me at the time and destination you specify. However, my palace might be a good location, too. I will joyfully eat whatever you or your servants prepare - with the exception of stewed or broiled tomatoes.<P>You must be prepared for the fact that I come as a package deal. 9-y-o daughter and 7-y-o son. They're good children but they make me crazy.<P>I would be a more expensive choice than a woman with no children. Don't mind working some - really want that career as a photographer but feel some fear paralysis on the situation - but juggling the children leaves me thinking that I need a less than full time work life. Factor in speech therapy, child psychologists, girl scouts, soccer, cross country, piano, ballet, cub scouts, guitar, chess club, and the rest of life and you can see the challenges. So, I'm not too high maintenance - less than a lot of women, more than some. You can take me to the symphony but you don't have to buy the most expensive tickets. I compromise real well on that sort of stuff. Anyway, x wanted the divorce and I got stuck with his bills in exchange for a quit claim deed on the house. My money's tight. I'm not taking on a man who can't pull his weight.<P>Love the excitement of most sports games but I sometimes fail to see the point of all the time and money invested on those events. But the rah-rah part is fun. Friend from Texas said he thought they were serious about football there and then he went to a UT Vols game in Knoxville. I think there's only one larger college stadium in the nation.<P>It is fall in Middle Tennessee. The most gorgeous time of the year (though not my favorite). You haven't seen gorgeous in the fall till you see this place. No big mountains and no oceans but we do have the Smokies and we have lakes. Good hills for hiking. <P>Can be a good helper on fixer-up projects. Have helped install a hot water heater and some other stuff.<P>I don't jerk people around. I am what I am. I'll tease (have been bitten by that on this board a time or two) but that's what it is and I'll tell you. You can probably see that gleam in my eye. <P>Don't have a serious southern accent. Most people can't believe that I am a Native Nashvillian. There are only about 12 of us left in this city of half-a-million. Everyone guesses I'm from somewhere else - if not by birth then they think I've lived elsewhere for a long time. Most common choices entail the British Isles. Go figure. Have never been away from Nashville for more than 3 weeks at a time. Even went to college here in my hometown. <P>But you might be a bit young for me. Could you age 5 to 7 years in the next few days? Might not be too big a problem now but would it when I hit 65 and you are 51? However, my mental image of myself says that I am 28. <P>So, shall we meet and pursue this? Who's palace?

Cinderella,<P>Alas my fair maiden, for I can imagine the gleam in those eyes. Be still my beating heart as tales of love and debauchery lay heavy on my mind. My chariot will be drawn as I anxiously await the arrival of my fair maiden and her precious young cargo to thy castle. My servants will prepare the walk with peddles of the freshest roses and the goblets will overflow with the richest wines. <P>Hark, what is this that I hear? Nooooo! I am told of your love for another Oh fair maiden, say it’s not so. Tell me that this pawn is just a passing fancy on your way to the Promised Land. Tell me that you will keep an open mind as your prince is just a heartbeat away……..<P>I’m sorry, but I can’t age 5 or 7 years in the next few days, although I feel that I have aged 10 years in the past few months. I don’t think you’d even want me if I were to age 5 to 7 years for at that point I would be too much of a risk for a MLC and may just take off after some 19 year old piece of eye candy. You know how us men can get. No, I’m at my prime now and will soon be ripe for the picking! I guess you didn’t see in one of my past posts where I mentioned my attraction to the 40+ women <P>How have you been ‘bitten’ on this page before? Unless someone takes things too seriously, why bite? Besides, this isn’t the ‘other place’ where <B>real</B> bragging of love and debauchery is shared! (damn) Sometimes these topics get too involved and a little fun is all it takes to get that smile working again.<P>I understand you not being too high maintenance, but your youngins (is that a Southern term?) require much of your love and attention, as it should be. Even if they drive you crazy, what would you do without them? I have always been able to carry my own weight, so don’t worry about that. I’m just trying to get myself out of some other black holes which seem to have followed me for quite some time. My stbx also tried to stick me with some unsecured debt in exchange for her portion of the house. Thankfully for a second mortgage and good attorney, that little issue was quickly dropped. Don’t get me wrong….I love my wife, but I ain’t no fool. I’m not letting her drop her baggage on me just because she doesn’t like being married anymore. Sorry sister, but homie don’t play that game!<P>So as I drift back into reality………. <P>My chariot shall arrive around 8 on Friday. If by some chance that Friday turns into Saturday or Sunday, rest assured that your young prince can always be found lurking in the depths of these columns.<P>Good night, my fair maiden.<P>P.S. If all goes well, can I call you Cindy?<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Jayhawk 93 (edited October 17, 2000).]

AH, Reality, that place where few of venture. But, alas, my fair maiden and handsome prince, it does seem that to me the Queen of Hearts has played a joke on the rest of us peasants. Would you be so kind as to ask if Her Majesty would be so endeavored to pass by and just with a wave of her Majesty's spechter(told you I was a peasant), the hearts might be carried by the wind over our humble pastures?

Jayhawk - Perhaps this is your midlife crisis and there will be no more. Isn't that a great thought. Maybe we could work on the age issue. <P>What do you mean 'I've been bitten on this page before'? I'm naive for my age. I'm also young for my age. <P>And right now, no one has staked a real claim on my heart. Haven't heard words of endearment from a man in so long..... It is a wonderful thing to be given affirmations. And here's one for you. You did a great job on the "fair maiden" stuff. I'm looking forward to dinner. What's the dress for the evening? Jeans, white tie, black tie optional? And no, you may not call me Cindy!! You may call me Cinderella or Jane-Elise.

Cinderella,<P>You have me a bit confused with your latest response regarding being 'bitten' on this page before. In an earlier post, you said the following:<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I don't jerk people around. I am what I am. I'll tease (have been bitten by that on this board a time or two) but that's what it is and I'll tell you. You can probably see that gleam in my eye.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I took that to mean that at some point and time someone has not responded well to your way of playing or 'teasing' on some of the threads. Maybe I just misunderstood?<P>When I spoke of the man in your life who had a hold of your heart, I was referring to the threads surrounding 'chemistry.' I admit that I haven't read all of them, but it sounded like you were enjoying the company of this new man while feeling a little guilty about the sex stuff at the same time. Again, maybe I misunderstood?? I am a man afterall, what do you expect <P>If you are involved with man who is not giving you the affirmations or words of endearment that you deserve, kick him where it hurts! This is one thing that was missing in my marriage that my W really craved and I failed to meet this need. I wish now that she would have kicked me then so I would have known their importance. It's not that I didn't think them, quite the contrary, I just didn't verbalize it that often. BAD HUSBAND {{{{{slap}}}}} <P>Thank you for the compliment about the "fair maiden" stuff. I actually enjoyed writing it. I work with computers, but earned my degree in Journalism. Maybe all of those writing classes actually paid off?<P>I too look forward to our dinner Friday night, and I think jeans would be appropriate attire for the evening. BTW, is this a Friday that we have the kids, or does the X have them this week? Just need to know how many place settings to have prepared.<P>Until then, Jane-Elise. (what a beautiful name)<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>JH93

Ah, handsome man of noble birds - you have given me much to ponder and to which I must respond. <P>I shall be alone this Friday evening except for the pleasure and honour of thy company. But, if thou art sending thy carriage, should not we dress more elegantly? (What a hoot - BTW, my d is going to be Queen Elizabeth I for Halloween.)<P>Well, yeah, I have a lot of guilt smeared all over the chemistry thread. Serious clash between what my body wants and what I was taught as I grew up. But, it's far and away better, physically, than anything I've ever known before. But I think it's time for a talk - but, here's the trick, I don't know how I really feel, what I really feel, where I want this to go, or how to talk about this. And I think he's about as confused as me. Won't see him for the next few weeks - he'll be out of town on weekends. Going to Promise Keepers meeting in Atlanta then to see some childhood friends next weekend. I've never seen a man who kept up with so many long-time friends.<P>Ah. Life, it's too confusing. But, no, I've never gotten in trouble for obvious flirting. Was date raped but didn't flirt my way into that.<P>Ooooh - too many issues, I think I need to go to the therapist. Now, where's Phil's number?<P>

Jane-Elise, <BR>I am so sorry to hear of your experience with being date raped. What an absolutely horrible thing that must have been for you and anyone else who has gone through the same. I had a friend who was date raped as well and had a very hard time with it for a number of years. She ran the gamut of emotions, nightmares, security and trust issues, before finally getting some therapy. I really felt bad for her but also respected her for the amount of strength she displayed while going through the healing. Rape is a horrible thing, especially when it occurs with someone you know and trusted. I don’t know how long ago this happened to you, but I hope you have worked through this. <P>I can imagine what you are going through with your feelings for your now significant other, especially when the sex is good. I know that sex isn’t everything in a relationship, but it sure helps when it’s good. How open is this guy with his feelings? Are you able to speak with him comfortably about how you’re feeling and about what you may or may not want in the relationship? I guess it’s important that you know what you want before you are able to engage him in some conversation. Maybe a few weeks off will be a good thing for you right now. (And for me too as I may be able to wiggle my way into your heart by the time of his return ) Seriously though, I think you need to decide what you want out of this relationship before you get too hooked physically. <P>I know what good sex is like and I miss it. But I also miss the normal companionship of being with my best friend and not being alone. I miss a lot of things. I’m glad for this board as I have come to depend on it at times to put a smile on my face when I really need it.<P>…..And alas my fair maiden our time has come to finalize the agenda for thy visit on Friday. It pains my heart to say that my Lord of the Chariot has taken ill and I will have to resort to the featherless bird to deliver your handsome prince to thee. After looking over the peasants all day, I am off to a local pub to inspect a few of the newest libations, then I shall arrive at thee palace for our feast. I must say in advance that my featherless bird expires at midnight, so I must cut the evening short as to not be dropped from the heaven’s somewhere over the far off land of Missouri. I also have some Lords from the Western state of Colorado expected to grace my presence at approximately the same bewitching hour. Although my first visit will be short, I am honored by your enticing offer. I too agree that more formal attire for the evening would be appropriate. Hence I may be wrinkled, but your handsome prince will not disappoint. Have a vase ready for the roses. <P>Your young and handsome prince,<BR>Shawn<BR>

Jayhawk - Thy skills are excellent. Nay, not only excellent, thy skills art magnificent as art the maple trees I pass along my way. Full of glory and splendid as the heavens.<P>(By the way, I get to make a Queen Elizabeth I costume for my d for Halloween. I think I should coach her on proper grammar for the evening. Can you be of any help. What would Good Queen Bess say if she went Trick-or-Treating? You know, I think QE II would be a great costume. An old suit, a hat, shoes and matchcing purse into which you put your candy.)

And writing isn't even my <B>best</B> skill <P><BR>Let me think about the Queen E thing for a bit.<P>------------------<BR>JH93

What hast thou for me today, thou light of my life and giver of soirees supreme? And if thou hast charms and gifts more supreme than these, what must they be, pray tell?

Be still my heart for it is the words of my fair maiden which thou has been without for the past three moons. My heart is all a flutter as I search for the words best used to describe thy supreme charms and gifts which someday may bestowed upon my often presumptuous princess. Oh Cinderella, how do I love thee, let me count the ways…..is it the sparkle in your eyes, the warmth of your words or the glimmer of innocence shadowed within your attitude which as adorned the heart of your handsome prince?<P>Alas fair maiden, thy skills are honed for thee, for anticipation of thy gifts could be considered a gift within itself. With a heavy heart, your handsome prince must depart as sounds in the distance near. It’s back out to the battlefields your prince must travel. For a man with hands as talented as these, being kept away is an unforgivable wrong.<P>Until we speak again, my princess, I bid you a fond farewell.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Jayhawk 93 (edited October 23, 2000).]

Let's raise this issue again. What were the best ideas we came up with when they're not at work, school, church, the grocery store, or where we do our volunteer stuff?