Tell me...Have you found any ideas on where to meet any good guys? I understand the wanting to have some male friends to go out for dinner or a game or whatever. Just to know you're still alive after being ignored for sooo long..

There's a couple of us right here!<P>------------------<BR>JH93

JH,<BR> I know that Murphy and others got together in Seattle a little while back. I would love to start thinking that I will have a circle of friends that get together like that, too. My marriage kept me isolated from the activities/lifestyle I so enjoy. I poured my "life" into my X's, even though "it is SO NOT me!!!". I am country through and through..horses and the lifestyle that go with are in my soul. My X and his girlfriend are so Southern California, and they are very shallow people. Now before I get flack, let it be known that I was raised in So. Calif. and did the "golden girl" thing, but I always would rather go in the opposite direction from the beach to the mountains and pines.<BR> It would be nice to have some way of finding out who is in one's area, and enjoys the same activities, and such.<BR> Reading different posts, etc, is really helping me get through an agonizing time..it seems that I have been in agony continually for years. I need a break. Last night i didn't sleep very well at all...anxiety/panic attacks. Trying not to go back on anti-dep. as I was on Paxil for 1 1/2 years, and feel it stole that time from me. I am more healthy since going off it, or so everyone tells me.<BR> Hope your emotional life is easing?<BR>Take care

JDQ,<P>I'm sure you noticed that a bunch of us are going to Nashville in January. It's an open invitation to anyone on this board not just for certain ones. If you can make it, we'd love to have you join us!!<P>As for meeting guys, I can't answer that! I get asked out by mostly losers and I can't bring myself to date yet anyway. I'll see how I feel when my divorce is final (about 2 weeks).<P>Mitzi

Me? Me? You talking to me?<P>ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!<P>Where to meet a decent guy???? In no way am I qualified to answer that question.<P>The standard things - take a class at a school, college, community education place, church, bookstore?, volunteer activities. For me, personally, there were none of the missing species at any of those places. <P>The guy I'm dating I met through a personal ad I placed. Yeah, some jerks responded but I could tell who was an absolute jerk and who wasn't. I got four or five responses and called three back. One is the guy I've been dating since May. <P>But, I have the same question. I go to church (no men), work (no men), bookstore (no men), grocery store (no men), school (no men), volunteer (no men), miscellaneous things (NO MEN). I don't know where they hide. Even went to Aussie rules football game a time or two. No men except the bloody ones on the field. <P>I have no clue as to where to meet a good man. <P>

I'm sorry! I didn't mean to ignore you. <P>I met the man I am seeing at a divorce support group. Probably not the best place to meet someone but we have really hit it off and can relate to each other very well because we have both recently been through a divorce.<P>Someone did tell me that men tend to want to get together with someone new after divorce faster than women and that you shouldn't wait too long to get involved with a man recently divorced or it will be too late. OK guys, what do you think of that?????<P>I don't know where the best place is to meet men. I have met some nice men at work but wouldn't want to get involved with anyone I work with. I think you might be successful meeting men at a singles group at church if you are the religious type. Of course, I think there are people who attend those events who are not religious.<P>Good Luck!<P>Jen

I would love to go to Nashville, but alas, money isn't hardly covering bills at the moment.<BR> JayHawk93-When I wrote "JH" I meant you.<BR> Thanks Cinderella and 711 for writing. What made you decide to place an ad? I, too, am going to a Divorce Recovery group. My divorce was final in July...made him and the attorneys sit down on my Birthday to hash the final decree out. So much for a "Happy B/day". I had filed in March of '99, but allowed it to drag on that long, and after less than 4 months of his "changing" and being the "I'm not the same man" etc, he found his girfriend, although refused to move out. So, this divorce took 1 1/2 years. I decided to go to the Recovery class because I can't go through another Holiday season like I did last year. I'm trying to walk away from an intense relationship...one where we really believe we're soul mates, but the timing isn't right. I'm going through emotional hell, and am trying hard to allow time to heal my devastated heart and soul. It would be nice to find some local male friends just to hang out with when the kids are with their dad. I pulled out some outfits from almost a year ago with the tags still on them. This is ridiculous!<BR>A dear friend has the saying on her fridge"Just because you don't love doesn't mean I am unlovable", but you know it would be wonderful to have that affirmation from other than your kids and parents!! Especially, when you've been denied it for years in a loveless marriage.<BR>Thanks for letting me vent!!

If you are going to go back to college, go to a technical school. There are only about 10% women here where I go to school. I am one of only 5 women in a class of about 40 men alot of the time. However, they do have a saying here at GaTech....<P><BR>The odds are good, but the goods are odd

JDQ,<P>Guess what, there are a TON of decent guys out there. Quite a bit right here on the MB site. <P>I don't know about how you meet a "decent" one, you just have to meet them, and go from there!!!! <P>One place crawling with guys...Home Depot/Chase Pitkin/Lowes. Divorce support groups are not meant to be meeting grounds, but I know a few people who have actually had success.<P>Try a church, the singles group, some even have singles group that are "divorced".<P>Try an activity of some sort. Take a class. Anything that gets you out!<P>I meet people in the grocery store!!! Its all a matter of looking happy and approachful. No one wants to come up to you if you look sad and depressed!!! <P>Lastly, guess what, all this searching and one day, I picked up the phone to call a close friend (male) and guess what, I never knew that he recently had 2 new room mates. I wound up hitting it off with roomie #1 and we have been together ever since. And I was crying and calling for my friend to cheer me up the day I called too.<P>Sometimes its when your not looking that you will meet someone. <P>Lastly, if you are VERY VERY careful there are online dating services for divorced people. Dont' go looking for anything more than a friend and learn how to be safe. I know someone who used a dating service in town (expensive) and was married 9 months later. <P>Good luck!<BR>Dana<BR>

Every time I check one's "profile" it seems that they're on the East side of the Rockies. Is there anyone here in Northwest,Washington,Idaho...?<BR>Student- What are you going for? I'm looking into what it takes to become a Certified Medical Coder. I'm just back to school after a 20year absence to finish my AA. Was always discouraged before. I don't think the same way I did when I was younger that's for sure.<P> It would make life a little easier if I had SOME KIND of social LIFE!!!! I have some very dear and new friends that said I can make friends with anyone. <P>------------------<BR>It's the mended oyster that turns the pain into a pearl.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> But, I have the same question. I go to church (no men), work (no men), bookstore (no men), grocery store (no men), school (no men), volunteer (no men), miscellaneous things (NO MEN). I don't know where they hide. Even went to Aussie rules football game a time or two. No men except the bloody ones on the field. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>YIPEEE!!!!!!<P>That must mean that Nashville is full of single women!!!! There are no single men!!!!<P>YIPEEE!!!!!!<P>Can I have my ticket now?

Why is it that it seems all the "fun" ones, light hearted, etc, are in the East..Except I see Murphy is in Seattle.

Okay guys...711-Jen asked a question regarding men getting "taken up" right after divorcing. Boy that sure is the case with my X except he got taken 4 months before he was "forced"(his words to our daughters) to move. Only because he was pretty much moved in with her, calling her daughter his "step daughter", while still "living"in the family home. Sorry, didn't mean to vent. I don't want him back, i just would like a life, too.

JDQ<<P>Vent away, we all do it!<P>I can relate, about 'being forced out'. You'll have a life , and a much better one.<P>I'm in NY by the way! <P>Dana<BR>

<<<<<<<WARNING>>>>>>>> This may be long.....<P>711:<BR>I am not divorced yet so I can't speak from experience, but I don't think that dating a recently divorced person is a good idea. Unless of course you are just looking for some sort of fling, I would think you'd be taking a big chance of getting hurt.<P>I made a promise that I wouldn't get involved in a serious relationship for at least one year after my divorce. Dating is ok, but nothing too involved. I don't think people are generally stable enough emotionally to get involved in another relationship w/o having adequate time for the wounds of divorce to heal. My plan is to just date around at first and have some fun for awhile, nothing too serious. For my own emotional well being, I can't just dive into a new relationship and feel that I was involved in it for the right reasons.<P>I can believe that men are more apt to start dating before women after a divorce, as it's probably in our nature. And I can understand the thinking that the 'good' ones will be snatched up quick, but you have to keep the 'rebound' factor in mind. Being honest with myself, I know a few things:<BR>1. I am very lonely<BR>2. I miss female companionship<BR>3. I feel very rejected <BR>4. I feel betrayed<BR>5. I miss the physical touch<BR>6. I miss intimacy<BR>7. My self esteem has dropped<BR>8. My self doubt has risen<BR>9. My attitude is sometimes questionable<BR>10. I am still in love with my wife<BR>Now without sounding too conceded, which is going to be impossible by this next statement, but I am one of the great guys who will soon be available and I WOULD NOT date me Based on my short list above, how could I possibly be a good prospect coming out of the gate? Any one of those 10 issues should raise a red flag regarding my own ability to distinguish my feelings while in a relationship. Just imagine how hard it will be for me to figure out my true feelings with ALL 10 of those issues looming over my head. I'll probably fall head over heels for the first woman who smiles at me and touches my arm! At least I feel that I am wise enough to know what I'm feeling here and am willing to accept these feeling for what they are. Over time, I will get past all of these issues and will be able to get into a relationship where I know I'm there for the right reasons, but it will take time. <P>I won't be a jerk or anything like that, I just won't be looking for any commitments for awhile. I have one female acquaintance that I would really like to date, but she will not be the first one I go after because I'm relatively sure that I would get too attached to her too quick and that scares the %$#& out of me. I think she'll be the one I look up in about a year <P>JDQ:<BR>First off... Yes, I did understand that your "JH" was meant for me! Sometimes I am oblivious, but I caught that one As far as the geography thing goes, I'm in the Midwest, Kansas City to be exact. I am considering a move to Colorado, but that will take some in-depth thought. I also prefer the mountains to the beach, but either would be a welcome change from the armpit of America that I'm currently residing in. Really, this area has some beautiful parts, but I'm tired of having to drive forever to take part in any fun outdoor activities. I've lived here for 30 years and think it's time for a change. I also enjoy the outdoors which is part of my reason for wanting to head off to Colorado. <P>I was also having anxiety/panic attacks, but they had me on something other than Paxil for that. I would take the anti-anxiety stuff when I felt an attack coming on and they seemed to calm me down.<P>Where to meet good guys? I don't have a clue I always had the best luck meeting someone when I wasn't expecting to. I think the best way is through family and friends. When you meet someone in a 'public' place, you really have no idea who or what this person really is and you basically don't have any references for them. You're taking a chance here. Not that you can't find a good guy by chance, but I don't know how many of the good ones really want to be 'discovered' in public. I met my W as a result of a matchmaker, my own mother (gee, thanks mom ) Actually though, mom is great and she feels very guilty that she brought this woman into my life. I'm not upset though, I had 7 wonderful years and a lot of memories to look back on. I'll learn from this and I'll move on. <P>My emotional life is easing, thanks for asking. I'm still on a roller-coaster, but my lows aren't as low and they don't last as long. I think the Paxil is helping me with that one. Sorry to hear that you had such an unpleasant Birthday. I was told on father's day that my W was unhappy and then I signed my divorce papers on our wedding anniversary <P>What has helped me the most is just getting out with some friends and just doing some things for me. Playing darts or pool at the neighborhood bar has become my standard Friday night date as of late. There is a very nice woman there that I always seem to get paired with since I always go up there with my friend and his fiancé (the fools!). This woman is older than me, but she went through a divorce a few years ago so we have a common ground. It's been nice to talk with her because we have some similar experiences. It has made me realize that I will probably look for divorced women when I start dating. Not recently divorced though!<P><BR>Cinderella:<BR>Your quote, "Even went to Aussie rules football game a time or two." If this is true, will you marry me?<P>DanaB:<BR>Home Depot and Lowe's are good places to meet guys, but you have to be careful because many are married and are not wearing their rings while doing manual work. You might just be picking up on someone else's goods...you know what I mean? <P>I haven't always replied, but thanks for your thoughts and prayers recently. I am hoping the worst is behind me. <P>

JH- Have you ever been to Washington? In particular, Central/Eastern? Many professionals move here because of the recreational opportunities, and in the back countryrivals the Alps, Rockies, Montana, etc., and the thing that blows me away is sometimes it is only a 7 mile ride in!<BR>I wish people would say where they are from in their profile. Just general, like the state. Just some point of reference.<BR> As for the Paxil, please be VERY CARFUL!! I was on it for a 1 1/2. Told my Dr. I was going off it because I started to have SERIOUS suicidal thoughts. Even started to write letters. Those closest to me who were aware of it said you won't because of my two girls, but I told them that even that was slipping. I was in the foyer of Hell for 4 days during that time. I just thank God He pulled from deep, deep within me to get me to get myself off of it. I had residual effects...It affected my short term memory, I feel it's back. I gained all the weight back I had lost before I went on it, and am now getting down again. Suicidal thoughts were never a part of my thought process! In the beginning, yes it helped to 'stabilize' my highs and lows, but after awhile, I couldn't keep my emotions in check at all. It was like my head was spinning and ready to explode. Someone told me yesterday, that a few weeks back on the news they were saying that Paxil, like Prozac, was causing people to be suicidal. PLEASE, be careful. <BR>I slept okay last night. I've journaled here and there, but last night I started a spiral notebook. It did help ease some of the knots in my stomach. I told my Mom I think I'm trying to have an ulcer.. Not really. It's just that my stomach is constantly tense. In writing to City Girl, I realized that as I wrote how those closest to me say I'm strong and getting stronger and that I don't feel strong,(just getting numb), that it's the Lord Who is strong in me. Even though I've been feeling VERY separated from Him (sometimes, okay most of the time it's our own psyche), "It is He in me". I'm being carried, and in my not even being aware of it, have buried my head in Him. My prayer life is VERY different now. It drives me crazy when my Mom asks me how I'm praying!!! I told her the last time that that is between me and Him.<BR> I hear you about all that you wrote. I'm not looking for a serious relationship. But it would be nice to be taken out. As for your list, I am right there with you!! If we don't work on ourselves during this time of "aloneness", we are missing out on some "real" time and opportunities for healing. How can we begin to figure ourselves out and find out what we're really about when we are figuring out someone else, having to meet their emotional needs, etc. A pastoral counselor friend of mine told me that if I don't take advantage of this time, a year or two at best, I will regret it later. I try to remember to remind myself of that when the loneliness hits.<BR>DanaB- I'm sorry for your having to relate to being "forced out". Frankly, I'm sorry for anyone on this website. I'm clinging to the hope that He has a plan from me, all of us, and that He will turn these ashes for beauty. That He will turn it into good things. I knew back in the early 1980's that He has a plan for me to work with women. I never thought in a million years back then it would include a divorce in my life. We don't get married to get divorced, but rather on the promise of being cherished and honored, and all the other things the wedding vows stated. My marital covenant was broken years ago. Too many red flags were there before we got married, but when you're only 16,17,18,19 yr old, you believe in your nievite(can't seem to get the spelling) that "Love", especially your own," will overcome", change, make better,etc. <BR>Thanks for your "eyes" and ears, guys. <P>------------------<BR>It's the mended oyster that turns the pain into a pearl.

Jayhawk93 -<P>I think you stole my list!!!! Well, except item #2 would be male companionship, and #10 would be Xhusband. Besides, dating scares me and I'm afraid that I would be the one to end up breaking another's heart and causing them to feel some of the same pain that I've been feeling. I wouldn't want to do that to anyone. Good post!<P>JDQ -<P>I meet plenty of available guys through my work, but I haven't found one yet that I would want to date. Right now when I get asked out by anyone I just have to tell them, truthfully, that I just don't feel comfortable with the idea of dating right now. I'm happy for you that you have reached the point where you are looking forward to entering into a realtionship, even if it's only as a new friendship. Good luck! You know, one of the things that I miss the most is sitting down to watch college football with my X. Speaking of which, I think I better get to that right now! Maybe my boys want to watch with me

RC- I, too, am "scared" of the "dating scene". A dear friend told me "Oh, you always had a guy on your arm!", well, that was when I was a teenager, and my X and I had been together since I was 16. I never dealt with the dating thing, really. My X never had to "pursue" me, never really "dated" me, as I made it easy for him. I was his only girlfriend!, and we got married when I was 19 and he 23. I would just like a mature, adult relationship for once. Someone, like you said, to watch a game with. Or go on a trail ride, or horse event.Sorry, I started rambling on something I've already said in prior posts. If we were in the same neighborhood, I'd invite you over to watch "the game". Bowling, or Basketball?LOL Here it's the Mariners...Isn't that sailing?<P>------------------<BR>It's the mended oyster that turns the pain into a pearl.

JDQ - <P>Well, I'm on the other side of the Cascades from you - Seattle area - so the game I'm watching tonight is the Huskies. <B>GO YOU DAWGS!!!</B> And of course the 'sailors' are on today too!! Sports weekend! What else is new? The HeeHaws (Seahawks) on Sundays - unless I'm golfing.....when basketball season starts I'll be busy watching my kids play but I gotta love those guys at Duke! They have been my favorite college basketball team for the past 15 years.<P>Enough about sports, I now get to go grocery shopping and to the library for research work with one of my sons.....boy, I sure know how to have fun on my weekends, don't I?

JDQ,<BR>I have only been to the West coast a few times and the last time was when I was 13 years old. I have some relatives in Pasedena, CA., but that is the extent of my West coast travels. I tend to stay primarily in the Midwest and have traveled to Florida several times. I'll list more of my interests on your other post so you'll be able to see more about me there.<P>Back to the Paxil issue, I have been on it now for roughly 4 months and I'm feeling much better. My prescription is just about empty and I'm trying to decide if I'm going to refill it. I feel beeter now than I have in a long time, but that may not be completely attributable to the Rx? I was told that Paxil is not habitual, but anything can be habitual if you come to rely on it. I may just stop taking it and see how I feel. I can always refill it later if I need to. <P>I hate to hear that you have had suicidal thoughts during this experience. NOBODY is worth taking your life over. Taking a bullet to save another is one thing, but a self inflicted one is not an option. Listen to me when I say that there are far too many good things in life to live for. Keep your chin up!<P>I really enjoy the companionship of others, primarily women. If I could find one with RC's love of college football, life would be grand I do want another relationship at some point. I am 30 years old, no kids, and my male biological clock is ticking. I'm not ready for kids right now, but would like to see myself as a father in about 5 years. Maybe sooner if I start dating one of the single mothers I already know. .....Too much to think about at this point. <P>RC:<BR>If you are anywhere near Kansas City, you and your boys are more than welcome to watch college or NFL football with me anytime!<P>------------------<BR>JH93