I am going to jump in here since I am heading for divorse (one that I don't want).<BR>My W is doing the exact same thing that her father did to them. I think there are even statistics on this however she does have 2 sisters and one brother that haven't had marriage problems. I am very much concerned that my son will be growing up thinking that this is normal. My W onetime mentioned something about not marrying the right one and now my son is telling alot of people that mommy and daddy are getting divorsed, my dad isn't the right one. My W apologized for that but it was said and remembered by my son. He also said to me one time that it is O.K. to get divorced if you marry the wrong one. I am saying this (and I have stated it in other threads as well) so everyone will understand the influence that parents had and will have.<BR>I also will respond to resiliency, I do believe that kids are resilient but memories exist patterns are made. Again, when a child sees the damage done to a spouse in this particular circumstance memories are made. I for one do not or rather at one time did not have the strength to stay "up" all the time I was around my son. Nothing was said about what mom was doing but he knew I was hurting and distant to him. My point is that they remember the betrayal and if it leads to divorse they will remember that as well. Everyone survives, but you can't talk me into the fact that they would turn out better or even the same than they would if it never happened or if mommy and daddy had enough sense to work it out and stay together.<BR>Even as happy as my W seems right now with the results of all this I will never believe that somebody wins at this little divorse game.......<BR>Oh and one more thing, I undrstand about disagreements but all of us here have enough complications in our lives. We don't need to be battleing between us. Each one of you have input, it's a smorgusboard (sp?) pick what you want ignore the rest. Water off a ducks back....

And one more thing.... (I jus can't quit sometimes), Nellie1, I agree with you that there are more people saying that the kids won't be affected than will.... I hate that too.....

Thanks mkn! I agree that there is no need to make others agree with our own opinions. We benefit from the varied perspectives given in this forum.<P>I share the frustration that I believe children are deeply affected by infidelity and divorce, more so than many other people seem to think IMHO. I also share the frustration of watching how someone else's behavior can hurt your children. The knowledge that your spouse can really damage your children and there's nothing that you can do to "make up" for it is extremely upsetting.<P>Lizbeth

p.s. I think this board is a wonderful place to vent some of the anger and frustration that some of us are experiencing. It may show up here, but that way it doesn't neccesarily come out on our children and spouses.