I think you're doing the right thing. A court case would make them feel as if they have to take sides. It can be very damaging. If you believe your children are in danger, then by all means you need to do what you can to get them away from danger. But it doesn't seem to be the case here. <P>Teaching them by example is the best you can do. It would be the best you could do even if you and your wife were still together.<P>

H,<P>I really like your points, although how much of it is genetic, and I can't really change that, versus environmental, which I can change.<P>I also thought the "illnesses" were environmental, and I became a pseudo parent to the STBX, and now she is rebelling against me, as if I were her parents. I say that in that she did alot of hidden stuff, bulemia, very similar to how she handled her parents.<P>So in that respect, since I know that it is mostly genetic, the amount of influence I have is less than just being the primary parent.<P>However, if she has her inlaws move in to be parents in locus, then I will definately rethink the situation, and we will find out after this school year.<P>Sue, that is how I hope it will play out, and will work towards that. That is how her family turned out, exactly the same way, with the Mom being the crazy one, and that's the way my FIL's family turned out, with my FIL escaping his mother. So maybe I have a chance like your friend's?<P>TS,<P>yes, and that was a big conflict for my STBX, in that we were teaching very different values, and our values conflicted more and more as we got older. That's when she lost admiration for me.

Nellie,<P>the food incident was the "Hungry Horrors"<P>My mom is one of the nurses at the school where STBX works. She gave me the list of foods for the bug/germs that involve barfing, etc. None of the foods STBX gave son was on them. The list is available to her, my mom has always told her what to do for these bugs.<P><B> STBX can't remember them, and fears being authoritative to the kids in their best interests for fear of them running away from her (as best I can figure) </B><P>So once I got the right food in, the hungry horrors left, and the germ left, and he was just fine.<P>tom

Karenna,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> Rather than keep on taking what my dad was dishing out, she changed herself, took responsibility, and said, "This is what I am doing now. Here is where I am. This is what I am. You are welcome to do it here with me, or suit yourself." <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Ahhh, very interesting. she kind of set boundaries. Hmmm, this is a really good discussion, and I have learned alot.<P>My first response is "Oh crap, that is what the STBX is doing!" but I don't think so. But that is more the line I was taking, and sort of got forced into.<P>And you got married just after they got divorced, that wasn't a rebound parallel was it? and your divorce, was that a parallel also?<P>

Nellie,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> I wonder if when you didn't call back, the real reason that she was upset was because she was worried - worried that you'd been in an accident or even that you had kidnapped the kids. Not that I think you would kidnap them, but that doesn't mean she might not worry about it. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>that's always possible, but with all the lawyeresque words in there, I tend to doubt it. But she does worry unnecessarily, or project worrying onto me.<P>And she was out all that night on a call, so she said, and she did not try my cell phone at any point in the evening, i had it on, she has the number, she just conveniently chooses when to call the cell phone number, and when not to, which ever can get her worked up.<P>She will call the cell phone and not leave a message at home, or leave a message at home, and not call the cell phone, to make me look as difficult as possible. she has the numbers, and knows how to use them. I don't always keep the cell phone on, but this weekend I did.<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by WhenIfindthetime:<BR><B>And you got married just after they got divorced, that wasn't a rebound parallel was it? and your divorce, was that a parallel also?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>No. I was off at college and didn't have a clue that my dad had finally initiated proceedings. Only after I'd been married for several months and living across the country did I learn that there was a divorce in the family. They had been informally separated for at least 4 years.<P>Parallels? Not in choice of mate. Not in what the divorce was about or like or anything. I must say, my mother was much classier about hers than I was. I wasn't even as respectable as my father was! At least he could articulate valid reasons.<P>Mine was just because I was sad, frustrated, lonely, hopeless ... and there were a lot of vibrant talkative men out there I couldn't wait to date! My reasons sounded okay or even good to all the shrinks we saw back then, but they weren't any too bright either.<BR>Very selfish of me.<BR>