Here's another one I'm curious to know. Hope everyone here is too.<P>Everyone, I mean EVERYONE we know, thought us to be the established couple that all others looked up to and wanted to fashion themselves after. W constantly received comments about how great her hubby was, I didn't get as many about her, but it's more of a girl thing anyway.<P>W loved to talk about the shortcomings of other's marriages and then finish up by saying how lucky we were that we had each other and everything we worked so hard for.<P>Her single GF's (when she used to have GF's, now she only has GUY friends) were absolutely envious of us, HONESTLY!<P>Anyone else feel like this was the case with there marital blissfulness?<P>Jay

We were. Both of my daughters said, "Wow! I thought you were the PERFECT couple."<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Hi , <BR>Oh yeah, I get the perfect couple thing all the time, always at functions together (or so it appeared.....noone noticed we never talked to EACHOTHER at these functions) lots of friends, lots of volunteer work.....Fun to be with yada yada yada. The only difference is it was so empty and functional when we were alone. We hadnt kissed in years, had sex once a month or so just for kicks. I was awesome at playing the role of strong, independent woman. My friends were jealous that I could go out, and not get any guff from my husband.<BR>GUFF......I got nothing!!!!! I wish once he would have asked where I was, or be upset I was out so late. well I am getting off track here. I hate that, unless you live with someone, you cant make a judgement call about thier lives <BR>

PS<P>one thing , we never said how lucky we were that we didnt have a terrible marriage.....maybe thats why we are separated right now~~~~~~<P>have a good day

Ditto that.... especially from family.... they thought we were perfect (both sides) and all of this is quite a shock to everyone. Including me!!!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by blindsided123:<BR><B>Ditto that.... especially from family.... they thought we were perfect (both sides) and all of this is quite a shock to everyone. Including me!!! </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Blindsided......Your name says it all!!! I think many of us here were.........blindsided!!!<P>Jay<P>

Yup been there done that. In fact some of our married friends often remarked on how well we fit together and they were envious of the relationship we had. We always thought that since we never really fought that we were so compatible with each other. We each knew what the other was thinking and both our families were so happy for us. Her family in particular, commented at one time that I was the best thing that could ever have happened to her and she agreed and gave me the biggest bear hug in front of all of them and told them how lucky she was to have found such a wonderful husband. So what happened?...........Jax.

Jax,<P>Your "backlash" sounds so much like mine. I'd love to know where I can read your story. If you can post a link to it, that would be great. What do you think happened?<P>For me, my W had MLC, was not accepting of the fact and responsibilities associated with parenting a young child, and some shortcomings on my part (no beating, no drugs, no alcohol, no abuse, no unemployment).<P>Hope I can see your story.

yeah, us too.....<P>Next time I'm going for the most incompatible guy I can find. Maybe that will work.!!!! <BR>I'm also going for the short, fat and ugly, because he will probably be genuine. Yep, I want all three, no less will do.........<P>Isn't it funny about attraction? I must have come across approx 300 men in my job today, and on each flight there was someone that I thought was attractive. Just thinking about them all right now, they were all so different. One man in particular was about 50, the executive businessman type, had a bald spot on the top of his head, but had the most dropdead gorgeous mouth, teeth and smile...... Another was the classic good looking model type guy, but boy, didn't he know it.... And yet another was a surfie, skeggie type.....<P>No, I'm not looking, nowhere near ready for that yet, but I was just thinking about attraction. I hope nobody is offended by my 'short fat ugly' comment. I'm not that shallow. I have ALWAYS gone out with people for their personalities and who they are inside, not what they look like, how rich they are etc etc etc.<P><BR>How I got on to this I will never know, just meandering I guess.......<BR>sorry

Bonnet<P>I am with you on that one........at least the genuine part............wouldnt that be nice to find a man who has no agenda, but to be with you? I know that is unrealistic, but there has to be a soul out there who just wants to live thier life and be happy also. I used to have a button that said " Behind every succesful man is an exhausted woman" , I was that woman....so now my next choice will be a man who has no concern about social ladder climbing. One who wants to come home and see me, not has to. man, I have some pretty grandious ideas huh?

Oh man,<P>I remember once we were going to a wedding & one of the guests came up & said we looked like Ken & Barbie. From then on whenever she saw me, she'd say hi Ken!<P>It was amazing. We liked everything the other did. All our recreational activities, music, food, art, I mean absolutely everything. Maybe we were "too" compatible <P>Everytime we heard about someone else breaking up, we'd always comment on how "that could never happen to us". I still don't get it. I don't think I'll ever understand why this had to happen (maybe that's because it <B>Didn't have to</B>).<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

Not us! LOL LOL<P>I think I was the only one who expected our marriage to last! Maybe that should have been a BIG red flag for me! LOL<P>Mitzi

only one person ever said that to us, and when she told her fiance, he just about gagged. Hmmmm, he is smarter that I give him credit for.<P>There must be something about being joined at the hip that is unhealthy. I personally think its icky! but that's me.<P>my inlaws are joined at the hip, and are the most unhealthy couple I have ever met. <red flag><P>My mom's supervisor told her that I must be a special H for what she saw my STBX doing. I don't think it was all that special, I was supporting her in doing what she wanted to do, and needed to do. I always thought that was what a spouse was supposed to do! At the end, i supported her going out with her friends, since she didn't do alot of it, and finally found some to go out with? was I being a bad H? was encouraging her to go out being unsupportive?<P>I don't have the exact answers, but I think some people, especially uncommunicative ones, let whatevers build up in their brain, and then they have to turn it off, or it will destroy them somehow.<P>WIFTT

Catamount 82, <BR>This was our case too. In fact, when I talked to the parish priest in confession, he advised me to find a confidante. I told him I couldn't; I was too ashamed to admit to our friends who admired our marriage and complimented us on how well suited we were, that it was a sham marriage, that my H had been lying to me for years and to himself (which is worse). <P>I'm in counseling, and we're in counseling. And we keep up the facade. He says it's for our son's sake, but there's more to it than that. He's ashamed I believe of the mess we've made, and he's very private.<P>Like you, we used to tsk tsk about couples who broke up, and pat ourselves on the back for not fighting. We were never jealous. No reason to be, back then. I was faithful as the sun, and trusted him as I trusted myself. Never doubted his fidelity.<P>blindsided123, our families think everything is perfect too. They all say "He's so wonderful." I used to tell them that. I even wrote to his mother, telling her how grateful I was for the way he was, attributing it to their influence. (They are a wonderful couple.) I can't write that kind of letter anymore or say that to her on the phone. I don't lie well.<P>Dear bonnet, short, fat and ugly wouldn't bother me. Looks have never mattered where attraction worked. Sense of humor, intelligence, kindness, honesty, gentleness, goodness. All the things that attracted me to my H. <P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

I always heard it and I guess kinda listened, but now it means much, much more......<P>"you never know what goes on behind closed doors"<P>Yes everyone thought we were the perfect couple. Even the last few years with all the stress and issues, we kept up the "image" (my wife is even better than me at it - since I didn't even know how serious our problems were!)<P>I try to look for good in any situation and one thing I am doing (and will do for the rest of my life) is to make sure ALL of my friends KNOW that they can come talk to me and I will be there to listen. So many times I wished there was someone I felt comfortable enough going to. No more will I just ask "so how is everything going with you guys" - Now it will be: "Jim/Jane, you know if you ever need someone to talk to, you know where I am - anytime, any day - even if it is just to get some things off your chest"<P>Amazingly I started talking to the couples that I looked up to, and guess what? Many of them have the same or similar problems my wife and I had. And not one of them will say they have the perfect marriage. To all you WS's who are looking for the fairy-tale marriage: <P>IT DOES NOT EXIST!!!!!!!!!!! <BR>(sorry, just wanted to YELL it loud enough so my wife might hear )

I think we have all our friends fooled, but our families know the struggles BEFORE the wedding so they have bets, I think, on when we'll finally divorce.<P>We've been married for 9 months and our friends at church think we're so cute. We both teach Sunday school together and are very active in other areas of the church.<P>I'm so sick of pretending. It needs to stop. My H told me he talked to our best man yesterday and they planned on getting together next week. He said we should invite he and his wife (my maid of honor) over and make it the 4 of us. I didn't respond. I can't put on a smile and see my H pretend he's gushing over me.<P>I've been pretending to everyone at work that the honeymoon period isn't over yet, but it never started. <P>I just want to sream when people mention the "happy newleyweds"!! <P>Ugh!<P>Karen

Unequivocally without a doubt, we were considered to be the ‘perfect’ couple.<P>The same ‘Ken and Barbie’ connotations and all. (must be a KU thing ) <BR>

SoTired2000,<P>Yeah, my W's response to this topic was the "behind closed doors" thing. I think that is a pretty cliched standard response these days. Behind our doors I saw harmony, cooperation,etc... The bad thing was our lives changed being parents of a young child and not "whooping" it up as much as we used to. Well W is really wooping it up now!!!<P>The only closed doors were the ones around her. Funny how she told me that I was the one who "kept things bottled up."<P>WIFTT,<P>I wouldn't say we were joined at the hip; quite the contrary, I let her go about her own thing when we were out with friends. I always cringed when we were with her HS friends. She was SO touchy feely with all the guys, 10 minute embraces hip to hip!! Well now she's in love with one of them. This was one of the things I felt she admired about me, that I let her be HER!<P>Well, I guess I should've kept the reins a bit tighter, maybe we could have gone through all this before we had a child.<P>Jay <p>[This message has been edited by catamount82 (edited November 08, 2000).]

ok, at the risk of being nosy......Did you ever tell her you didnt like it when she was in an embrace with someone?<P>very curious here because that was a complaint of mine about my husband..... I have often said , I could bring home 5 men, have sex with them on the floor and he would still be changing the tv station !!!!!!<P>I know it is an exageration, but I really felt like I was screaming for attention, and was getting it from a lot of other people, not just men.

I don't know about Ken & Barbie, but we always (I thought) had a good marriage. When all this blew up, I can't count how many people said to me,"Of all the couples I know, I thought you guys were the least likely to divorce." We always had a lot of fun together and joking around. His family has said more than once that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. I'm not really sure how we got here. One minute I was happily married and had the tiger by the tail, and the next my H was leaving me for another woman. I DO know now that he had some issues with me but never bothered to voice them until he left. Makes me think he made them up so he wouldn't have to feel bad. <BR><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com