((((((((((bonnet))))))))))<P>Of course you need to stay. Read the title of this board, "Divorcing/Divorced". You still qualify. And we might can help you through the adjustment. It's tough. I know.<P>And we all care. We want you to lean on us so that we can lean on you when we need to.<P>Hang in there, Jo.

Jayhawk 93<P>I'm like many others, with a foot on both<BR>sides of the fence. As we all know from each<BR>of our experiences, divorce is probably one<BR>on the most horrible things we will experience in our life. Yet on the other side of the equation it can give us the chance for a new beginning. As many others<BR>have commented on before me...self care and paying attention to your emotions are important. The finality of this to your marriage will take you through a process that many say is much like the path you walk when<BR>the death of a loved one or someone you care<BR>about impacts your life. So please think of that.<P>Below is a piece a friend of mine sent me that helped me understand that the path after<BR>the final decree is a combination of hope but<BR>yet sadness and pain and to understand that<BR>fact could help me to better also understand that balance.<P>"People want to believe that divorce will relieve all their stresses-back we go to square one and begin our lives anew. But divorce does not wipe the slate clean. Some second chances come with three small children, a lower paying job or standard of living, and all the ghosts of a failed marriage. Some come with a sense of having been torn away from one's children and not knowing how to reestablish a home. Some second chances begin with loneliness and a feeling of being unloved and unlovable. Some bring on acute problems that turn into chronic problems. A second chance at age 45 is not equivalent to a second chance at age 32!<P>Few adults...no matter which partner filed for the ending of the marriage, anticipate accurately what lies ahead when they decide to divorce. Life is almost always more ardurous and more complicated than they expect. It is often more depleting and more lonely for at least one member of the marriage. At the time of divorce, people are intent on getting rid of their unhappiness, and they find it difficult to conjure up any understanding for something they have never experienced. It is hard for them to imagine the multiple changes that divorce will bring in its wake. Eventually they do learn, however that the changes we make from divorce are hard-won.<P>Recovery takes time and healing that must go along with it.<P>mrrlk