Well, thank you, Ragamuffin, for your comment--actually, I don't feel so powerful these days, I have been put into my place with my H's affair. Actually, I think that we are ALL tough women after what we have endured and have yet to endure. And tough men.<P>Those years in the army were the best in my life. The only regret that I have about joining the army was that I didn't do it when I was 18 and single like I should have. (But then, in hindsight, knowing how I was as a kid, I probably would have gotten myself into a lot of trouble.) I was proud to do it. I loved my job and I love my country. The only reason I gave it up was because my husband asked me to--and then he did what he did. I am sure that many of us can relate to this kind of let-down.<P>Anyways, I have long been interested in rights of non-custodial parents since my ordeal. That's right--those of us paying child support. So many speak of dead-beat dads. What about those men, and women, who pay child support and who are put through the ringer? I cannot say that the laws are entirely fair--and, Nellie, you are right--the laws from state to state are not consitant at all.<P>So many "absent" parents that I have spoken to have been abused financially and emotionally to the absolute limit. They give a good deal of their wages (I had one friend who paid $1,800 a month for one child--his wife could not work for some petty medical reason) and live in poverty themselves. (Okay, yes, the kids come first--but what about those divorced against their will?)Most of them are being dealt with unfairly with visitation. Most of them were faithful in their marriages and are good parents. In fact, a lot of them were the faithful spouse while the custodial parent is the one who walked away from the marriage, who cheated, who ignored the children. Most of them are doing all they can to support their children, and recieve little acknowledgement for it.<P>My recruiter (yes, I am sneaking my way back into the army while I am still legally married) is battling his ex in keeping their child here in the state so that he can excercise vistitation. He confided in me that the attorneys just eating this up, at $180 an hour. Gosh dang, just to see his child the way he should be able to. But you know what happens to a service member that neglects to make a payment even once?<P>This is especially a pain for those in the military--for the reasons that I expressed in my testimony. A service member's wages will always change in regards to his or her duty station, but that is not taken into consideration. I wrote to my congressman to express my opinion about some of the laws governing child support and "absent" parents. Of course, I never heard back.<P>I saw the problem of struggling non-custodial parents addressed once on a talk show, and you can bet that the men being interviewed got a lot of flack for even voicing their opinions.<P>I think that the topic of this thread is an important one: yes, a lot of men just give up the fight (I know I have felt like it sometimes) when the custodial parent does everything they can to push the non-custodial parent out of the children's lives, but expects financial support none the less. However, the financial aspect of parenting is the only one that the court can seem to recognize and enforce.