Hi there,<P>I did do a revengeful thing, I don't regret it, it didn't really hurt anyone, and it contributed to breaking them up.<P>I rang OW's mother, and told her that her daughter was having an affair with my h.<BR>Not nice to involve someone totally innocent, as the mother was. However, I wanted to hurt OW and I did that. Her father didn't speak to her for ages. My H was no longer welcome in their house. Her parents had met him, under the guise of him being separated. Bollocks. He was still married to me. I had no idea at the time about his little extra-curricular activities..... Her mother was disgusted with her. And him.<P>Yep, I won that little round. Even my H (now ex-h) had a little laugh much later and said "Joey, I can't believe you did that....."<BR>Shows how much he cared for her huh....<BR>My ex MIL was so angry that I had done that. But I think her anger stemmed from the fact that someone thought ill of her beloved son. He was no longer perfect. So I carry the can for that. She hasn't spoken to me in over a year. But I don't care, I didn't like my in-laws much anyway. In actual fact, I despise them. <P>Revenge on the whole only hurts the person who perpetrates it. Usually.<P>I don't regret what I did. But at the end of the day it didn't get ME anywhere. I guess one upside is that it didn't get her anywhere either......<P>Really think about this. If you're protecting a criminal (as has been vaguely alluded to) do something. And do it now. But if not, sit for a while, wait a while.<P>You'll do the right thing, and if not, we'll be here for you to help pick up the pieces. That's what friends do.<P>Take care<P>Jo

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bonnet:<BR><B>I did do a revengeful thing, ...<BR>I rang OW's mother, and told her that her daughter was having an affair with my h.<BR>Not nice to involve someone totally innocent, as the mother was. ... Her parents had met him, under the guise of him being separated.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'm not sure that's revenge. That's just telling people who *ought* to know (unless you knew OW didn't know XH wasn't separated--then you should have started *there* so that OW would have the opportunity to make *her* moral choice without that surprise or consequence).<P><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>My ex MIL was so angry that I had done that. She hasn't spoken to me in over a year. But I don't care, I didn't like my in-laws much anyway. In actual fact, I despise them. <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>It's a fence you should probably mend for the sake of your kids, though.<P><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Revenge on the whole only hurts the person who perpetrates it. Usually. ... at the end of the day it didn't get ME anywhere.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I think it got *you* knowledge that there is a little justice out there ... which was meted out to OW by *her* parents, and to your XH by you. That's why you don't regret it.<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Really think about this. If you're protecting a criminal (as has been vaguely alluded to) do something. And do it now. But if not, sit for a while, wait a while.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I would *never* protect the wrongdoer. I *have* protected my XW from her own fear of outing this, and I suppose, I have protected wrongdoer's immediate family. It's a fear that I think we now must both face, because the time is drawing nigh. I want it done and over with before I lose all contact, because I'm thinking that may happen.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Sisyphus (edited January 05, 2001).]

I agree with Medic's post......<P>"The only thing I can say about revenge is that it will come back to you three fold." <P>Karma people, karma.<P>Although I think we all entertain "revenge thoughts", acting on them is another thing....a true test of a persons character.<P>I will always take the high road, even at times I have every real reason and not to.<P>Ragamuffin

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Ragamuffin:<BR><B>Karma people, karma.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I got my banana peel, didn't I? We just need to be clear in our own minds what constitutes proper corrective action and what constitutes improper revenge.<BR>

Update on this: E-mail 12/22 asking XW to do something about the family secret has gone unanswered. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Dead Air. <P>This is not XW's normal reaction. Normal reaction would be to call me and give me hell. If you read the thread, the secret is not so difficult to defy at least a guess at the broad outlines. Any guesses as to why I've heard nothing? Especially since my e-mail indicated that I might very well jump the gun if she didn't do something.

Another update ... eerily shortly after my post I got an e-mail from her ... wanting to move forward on cleaning up financial/ownership issues, but nothing on the family secret. I made a businesslike reply ... perhaps we'll get together to go over this other stuff and I'll be able to bring it up and we'll figure out how to handle it together.

For anyone who looks at this thread, what you may want to know is that ultimately I was convinced by users of this board (in another thread) that I had to make *something* happen, and so what I did was mail a *very sketchy* (not even identifying the XW) anonymous letter to someone who needed to know about the family secret--just enough to put them on-guard. I'm letting it go at that.