I don't generally post on this board as I am not divorced, just lurk some but I just have to put my 2 cents in to the pot.<P>You have heard many responses from people, all who have been the BS, as you can tell the hurt and anger goes deep. My WS is still with me after almost 2 yrs, he says it is for our sons, most of the time I believe it but not all. I do believe he has tried to stay away from the OW, we moved to Asia to get away from her, & yet she still is in the picture. I believe with my whole heart if she would just leave us alone, that we would find our way back. Please I beg of you, no matter what this man tells you break it off, change phone number, have no contact with him. It sounds as if you deserve better than someone who will always be pulled by his children & 1st wife, find someone who has never been married or divorced with no kids. I wish for you happiness but look else where. <P>One of the stranger things my WS has said I wanted my needs met but I want everyone to be happy including you, I don't want you to ever want for anything, well the only way that will happen is if we stay married.<P>Think about all of what you been told, read this site, read the just found out site, the general questions, it may change your mind once you read all the hurt, pain that doesn't go away, we grow, we can bear, we survive it but deep down it is there & it will scar our children forever.

You sound just like my H's OW - in fact, if you had not said that you had been married before I would think you are her. <P>You are truly living in lala land. It is not reality when all you have to think about is each other. Sure you can give him all the attention and love he needs - b/c you don't have others pulling at you. The very nature of your relationship is that you are alone with no "real world" demands. <P>My H's OW says that she would always put his needs first, even after their children are born. She does not have a clue what it is like to juggle a husband, children (4 here), a job, a household and her own interests (if there is any time). Yes, I admit that there were many times when my H's needs were way down on the list, and I contributed to the atmosphere which allowed him to start his affair, but truthfully my needs were never first either. Sometimes it just takes all you have to feed, clean, clothe and nurture the kids.<P>My H's OW also says their story is different but in reality it is just like everyone else's. She too says that God put my H in her life for a reason and that they cannot turn their back on that. I say that it was not God who put her there but Satan. She too says she knows what she is doing is wrong but it was meant to be so she'll just keep doing it.<P>Stop now, opposite shoes. Do not build your happiness on a family's heartache and destruction. If you truly know the meaning of remorse and guilt, you would run the other way. Every day, every moment, you have the choice to do the right thing, even after lots of bad choices. It is not too late.

By the way, I thought this was marriage BUILDERS, not marriage wreckers.<P>------------------<BR><BR>Kathy

I'm not sure why you are posting here in the first place. Do you want understanding from BS? Or do you want to tell BS that they are at faults too?<P>If you feel what you are doing is wrong and want help for it I don't think they are so hard on you. But you sound like you are trying to justify what you are doing even if you seem to know what you are doing is wrong.<P>And also I know when you are in love and feel you are different from others' situations, what everyone says won't reach you. If you just need understanding, not help then maybe you chose the wrong web site. There's OW's web site you can get all of the understanding and comfort.<P>If you are not willing to do the right thing, maybe you should go there. And sorry we are not understanding.<P>Meg

opposite shoes,<P>My first husband cheated on me. I cheated on my second H. I've been on both sides. There is a part of me that will never forgive myself for hurting my ex husband and losing his trust.<P>I recently ended a friendship with an unremorseful OW who was doing her best to break up a marriage. Her BF has an 8 yr. old daughter. Nothing I said to her made any difference, and I couldn't stand by and watch her wreck a family. The day I ended our friendship, this is what she said about her BF's marriage "Bad for her, good for me". <P>All I could think of at time is...we'll see. I think what you are doing is evil. I don't think you really care who you are hurting and I believe that you take pleasure by coming here and rubbing salt into the wounds of the betrayed spouses here. <P>I pray you don't bring any more children into this world if what you are doing is your idea of love.

opposite, <P>You have been given some excellent advice here. I only hope you are wise enough to heed some of it. This rosy future you envision is what each of us felt on our wedding day. <P>If you listen to nothing else, do not ignore the statistics about the very low success rate of marriages between affair partners. I know, I know. Yours will be the exception, right?<P>Know this. If you continue your present line of thinking, rationalization, and behavior, your life is headed for a living hell (not to mention your AFTER-life). Don't ever say you haven't been warned.

I have no clue who your therapist is but there is alot of work that needs to be done.<P>I do not condemn you but reality is not a strong suit. My wife said she was "in love" it was her soul mate will guess what the stats are right in real life and in my practice. See I am a therapist, the major ingredient that is missing in your relationship is trust!<P>You will never truely trust this man as if he could do it to her he can and most likely will do it to you! This is reality!<P>I am sorry to burst your bubble and I seriousl doubt you even read this stuff but I needed to express my thoughts!

Thanks for your post. Your words answer some of the questions I have had regarding what goes on in the psyche of the other person. <BR>My husband left two years ago to be with his other woman. He left me and our three children who were 11, 8 and 6 at the time. <BR>Since that time, he has become another person, a person consumed by negative characteristics. He is not a person of integrity or character. I truly believe that at one time he did have positive qualities but his Savior, who comes in the form of his other woman, has sucked the goodness out of him and taken his conscience, too. Believe me, Other Shoe, it took courage for you to post here but I hope and pray that you are willing to read the responses from the people who are on the "other shoe." <BR>What you are involved in right now is wrong no matter how much you or your illicit lover try to whitewash it and justify it. We do reap what we sow so don't hold your breath waiting for any goodness to come your way from this relationship. Your relationship is based on lies and deceit and if your boyfriend could do what he did to his wife and children, you will be no exception. As a matter of fact, Other Shoe, you will probably the one he turns on in a rage someday when he realizes all that he has given up. Didn't you ever think, as he was blaming and bashing his wife for everything wrong in his marriage, that you might be next? After all, you have been the major accomplice in helping him to destroy his life -- but, of course, neither you nor he sees it that way YET. Right now he is turning TO you as a venue for his guilt. I'm sure the sex with you is enough to help him forget, momentarily, what he has done to his family. It makes him feel so good, good enough to fool himself into thinking that leaving his family for this great love life was worth it. But, like any drug, the effects don't last and sooner or later he will HIT BOTTOM and want to disengage from this toxic substance, this destructive force, which is you. Be prepared for him to blame you some day for the destruction of his marriage -- but of course that won't happen until he has hit bottom but it will happen, I assure you.