I hear you and as long as my lids are with me I have no problems. <P>I do laundry<BR>I cook<BR>I read the kids books<BR>work on projects with the kids<BR>Go sledding<P>When the kids are not around I <P>play bridge and spades on the internet<BR>just learning bridge and I am pretty good I also looking for a partner<P>talk to people on the phone<P>work more<P>write emails to people I have met here and to my friends and family<P>I write what I think and feel whether it be good bad or indifferent<P>Starting tonight I will be spending 4 nights per week totally alone. It is scary but I will survive!<P>Hang in there and pray, I pray alot when awake at night and even during the day when I feel uncertain.<P>Hang in there!

Well, you can tell I have been without the kids since Sunday morning because I have been on this site more than ever this week.<P>It's great to come here and talk about things and not have to go anywhere too. The divorce support group in my area was not a safe place to be. <P>I did finish two books which I had been trying to read for some time and finally rented the English Patient (although that was pretty depressing).<P>So, I am finding things to do slowly but surely.<P>Jen

OMG! I've got so much to do that I never, ever catch up!<P>I read: currently I'm reading four books to learn stuff and one book for pleasure<P>I write: I journal everything exactly as it comes out of my head; I write hand letters to relatives and friends; and I write emails etc. to my techno friends.<P>I work out: Mon & Wed I have an aerobics class with a bunch of ladies I've grown to be friends with, and Tues & Thurs I pump up!<P>I have a support group I go to on Thursday nights--a group of about 20 women of various ages and statuses and we all share our struggles with growing.<P>I play with the kids every day for at least half an hour, and I mean I put my work down, am present in the moment, and I play like a child. My favors are making snow angels, snowball fights, Jenga, Trivial pursuit, and trying to do Sonic the Hedgehog.<P>I talk on the phone to people I love, who love me!<P>I do some basic household things like laundry, groceries, bills, and cleaning, but those things are the day-to-day chores of life.<P>I go to local chamber orchestra concerts and shows at the local Cultural Center. I enjoy classical music, the dressing up, and I can't afford the big Denver Chamber, so I go to the smaller ones and to the college performances. For example, next week is the Shaghai String Quartet at the Cultural Center.<P>I go out to dinner at a new restaurant (someplace I've never been) OR make a new recipe or try a new twist on an old recipe. BTW, it's easier to cook when the kids are home to enjoy it--if it's just me, I tend to skip it or grab something!<P>I go to the library or a Starbucks or the Barnes and Noble and just hang out.<P>I go to (watch) tons of sporting events: Little League baseball games, Bronco football games, soccer games, dog pulls, horse pulls, swimming meets, gymnastics tournaments, and track and field events. I'm proud to say my son was 3rd in the state in high jump last year! <P>I participate in tons of sporting events: riding bikes, non-competitive soccer, street football (I organized a "league" on our street, and I play touch football with the kids--I play center and protect my QB!), swimming, walking, and working out.<P>I participate in almost anything new. If I've never done it before, I'll try it now.<P>I go out the the movies on my own. It's a little wierd, but I pick the movies I want to see, some are "chick flicks" and some are those movies at the smaller theaters. I even went to a sexy movie place once! <P>So--is that enough? I usually have to "put stuff down" so I can go home and veg out with the kids. Either that, or the THREE of us go to the art museum, the zoo, or someplace.<P>Have fun--there's lots out there to do!<P><BR>CJ <P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Wow! You are definitely a woman on the go. You sound just like my single sister. I can't keep up with her.<P>I think just doing a few of the things on your list will be plenty!<P>I work, so I pretty much just stayed home on the weekends and played with the kids and read while I was married. We would do some family things here or there. So, now when they are gone with their Dad, I've lost my little playmates. But, thanks to all of the posts I have received, I see that there are plenty of things I can be doing and my goal for the New Year is to start doing them.<P>The first thing I did this year for myself, was to adopt a kitten. She is curled up in my lap purring right now. Now that is unconditional love. I'm also hoping she will become my older cat's buddy while I am at work.<P>Jen<P><BR>

I never lack for things to do. And since my wife cut off all our mutual friends at the same time she cut me off, I don't lack for support either.<P>For me, the hardest thing is figuring out how to take care of myself and my responsibilities without putting undue pressure on myself. Escapist relaxation still seems to be a necessary coping strategy.<P>My concentration is not what it used to be, and so I find that I have to switch activities more frequently.<BR>

What a neat thread. You and I seem to be on the same page. My post-D relationship fizzled after occupying most of my time and mental energy for a while. I didn't realize how much energy it zapped from me (mainly because of my insecurities and anxieties about it). What do I do now? Instead of waiting for him to call on weeknights or going out to dinner every night, I just got a second job at a college, I tutor a kid, I spend LOTS of time with friends, I am taking a creative writing class, I started running, I spend time with my dogs, I write, I take yoga. I am considering becoming a puppy raiser for Canine Companions for Independence. I always thought that keeping busy like that was taking away ME time. BUT THAT IS ME TIME!!!<P>That reminds me. . .<BR>ENCOURAGING THOUGHT AHEAD <P>Since my divorce, I have been in contact with three (count 'em) three old very close friends that I have not talked to in years. It wasn't out of loneliness or desperation for company. Coincidence only. Almost divine intervention. I took a trip to New Orleans for New Years with one and spent Christmas Eve and Christmas with another. The other one referred me to my current counselor, and we sometimes have four hour phone conversations and go out quite often. We went to yoga last night. (Interestingly, it was her brother that I dated, and we all know what happened there.) We had just lost touch. It was pure coincidence that I reconnected with these people. It is amazing how good things fill up your life when other things leave. I thought for a while that this guy was filling my time and thoughts, and he was in a consuming, distracting way, but I see now how full my life is even without someone else in it. The hard part is recognizing it. I walked around blindly for months not seeing the blessings around me. I sometimes miss my ex when I can forget the anger that I feel. I also sometimes miss the new guy. But I have more money than I did when I was married and more options because I am responsible only for me. I can go to school or quit my job or get a tattoo. I can let my dogs sleep on my bed. I can have a dinner party at my convenience. I can spend money my way and on me. It does get very lonely when I think about it. I'm just learning how not to think about it. I am leaving now. I have lunch plans with a co-worker. School starts again on Monday and we are doing our lesson plans together. Then we'll catch a movie.

711 - if you're in Atlanta, why don't you hop in your car and come join us the last weekend in January in Nashville. YOu can probably still get a room at the Holiday-Inn Brentwood. <P>

(<p>[This message has been edited by gsd (edited January 19, 2001).]

Well, the list just goes on and on. Thanks everyone for all the suggestions. I'm worried that I'm now becoming addiced to this site. I get so much support and advice I have to keep checking it out to see what else has been said. Does anyone else feel that way?<P>My sister is back in town so I have been very busy this weekend. I also had another sister visiting and my kids this weekend so this weekend was just great.<P>Next weekend, I am going to check out a Single Mom's group at my church. That sounds like a safe environment for me.<P>GSD: You are right about dating. It does take away from focusing on yourself. Now, my focus is back on myself and my kids which is probably where it should be right now.<P>Cinderella: Nashville does sound like fun but not sure I can make it. I'm thinking about it though. How many people are going?