I'm torn about my name...but I think I've decided to keep my married name until he remarries...I don't want to be the "former" to his "current" - especially if he were to marry Nurse Ratchet.<P>I've got kids 10 &14 - they *say* they're okay with whatever I decide to do...but I always felt a little sorry for kids whose names didn't match their parents...so...<P>As usual, I'm conflicted <P>Lisa

Well, I've decided that this is a good spot for using the hyphenated name. <P>I've been a teacher, and I can tell you that it's very uncomfortable to meet a mother and not know which name to use when talking to her (like at open houses). Or worse, to have her get an attitude, and be corrected, or lectured for calling her by the child's last name. (It's an innocent mistake, and I can't help but wonder what the child thinks about having a last name that the mother can't stand.)<P>I have a co-worker that uses a hyphenated name ('Maiden-Marriage'). She's always getting calls from her kid's schools asking for 'Mrs. Marriage-name'. Everyone knows who it is -- you can locate her phone number using 'find' in our on-line phone directory -- it seems to be a good compromise.<P>The only odd thing about it is that it will look like I'm married whenever people see my name. Oh well --- if someone really wants to get to know me, they'll take the time to learn the truth.<P>~Amy<P>

I just saw things this week with my x's new married name on it. It was her work schedule and I could find her name(mine) on it until I looked closer and saw her married name. Then today I saw she had initialed some of our sons school work and used the new initials.<P>It is kind of a surreal feeling.

I was married before, but that 1st marriage didn't last long. I didn't keep my ex-H's last name. I didn't want to have anything to do with him and having his last name would've been a reminder for me.

I changed my name back ASAP. I didn't want to change it his in the first place. He made a big deal out of it before we got married, my maiden name sounds funny, so I said what the heck.<P>I think women lose their identity and family history when they change it to their husband's lastname. If I had it to do over again, I would not have changed it. <P>I know I'll probably get some flack from the guys here (and maybe some women too) about the identity thing. The only thing I could suggest in that case (for you guys) is consider how you would feel if you had to change your name in order to get married, get used to writing someone else's name, have your national origin confused with your spouse's, go through the hassle of getting your social security card, bank account, credit cards, driver's license, and other certifications altered. THEN if you get a divorce, you get to go through this whole hassle ALL over again AND go through the hassle of explaining why you are changing your name. "No, congratulations are not in order. I'm getting divorced, not married." I thank God that all of my diplomas have my maiden name (I'm convinced it is more than just bad luck).<P>Besides, I think children should take the mother's name anyway. They are the ones who go through 9 months of pregnancy, give birth, and do the vast majority of childcare.

I haven't changed my name because I have had this name for half of my life and think it would just be such a pain in the neck to have to explain who I am to everyone. Not to mention all the bills, paperwork, etc.<P>I also have two young children and think it is easier for them if I keep the married name.

I am going to take back my maiden name...already started...I actually had hyphenated my last name...so I get to lose pickel and all the jokes <P>Actually after almost 8 years I kinda liked my married last name...it was cute...and I wasn't a real pickle... <P>oh well..no kids involved...

WilliamJ (Bill) Why did you change your name in the first place, isn't the woman the one that changes traditionally? Ha Ha<P>I know what you meant, couldn't resist. :P<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.<p>[This message has been edited by Paul Moyers (edited January 26, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by TheStudent:<BR><B><BR>I think women lose their identity and family history when they change it to their husband's lastname. If I had it to do over again, I would not have changed it. <P>I know I'll probably get some flack from the guys here (and maybe some women too) about the identity thing. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>Enter the flak or Whichever<P>M't:19:5: And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?<P>If you are one then naturally so are your names.<P>Am:3:3: Can two walk together, except they be agreed?<P>My two cents I guess.<P><P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

I decided before doofus moved out that I didn't want his name if he was going to do this to the children and me. If he was that......, he could just have his name. But I didn't like my maiden name and in my state, when you get a divorce, your only options are keep his or assume your maidnen name. So, I did nothing for a long time.<P>This fall, right before he remarried, I did get a court order to change my name. I picked a name of the family tree. My mother's maiden name was a candidate. But ended up going with my grandfather's, father's and son's middle name. <P>Didn't tell x. Just gave him a photocopy of the court order. Did tell his parents - of whom I am fond.<P>Article about my christmas tree recently appeared in local paper and x's family members all called the former in-laws to find out what the deal was.<P>My children are ok with the name change. They preferred the name I chose over the other possibilities.