How long would you have to know, date, etc a guy before you would take a mini vacation with him, like a trip to Bermuda for 4 days, or Cancun, etc.?<P>I like to travel, explore the world, and just suppose, the woman i am currently interested in also likes to travel. But these events are biggies for some people. I've done lots of traveling in my past, and I am itching to go exploring, but it is more fun with someone.<P>Anyway, so that i don't come off too weirdly, how long should we date, know each other before i suggest a trip, flying probably, 4 days, beachy type get away?<P>sportsguy,<BR>can you believe those celtics?

Hey it can't hurt to ask!<P>I guess the big question would be the sleeping arrangements. Intimacy soon after the divorce can be painful(speaking from experience here)!<P>I haven't followed your story, so I don't know how far along you are post-divorce. A word to the wise, just take it slow.<P>Bob

Well, that's a good question. <P>I was asked on a ski weekend with the guy I just started dating and feel like it is too soon to be going away with him. However, this is a trip with a singles church group and it would probably be a lot of fun and a great oppurtunity to get to know him in a group setting. And, we would have separate rooms. After all, we have just met and this is a church group. <P>If I was asked to go away with him by myself at this point, I would say no. I'm just not ready for that at this time. But, everyone is different. I don't think there is any harm in asking. It just depends on the person and what boundaries they have set for themselves.<P>I do agree with Bob that you should try to take things slow at this point. I got involved very fast the last go around. It wasn't a total disaster but I think we would have been much better off in the long run if we had taken it slower. We both decided to not see each other for 6 months so we can spend time alone, dating others, etc. After the 6 month period, we will touch base again and see what happens. In the meantime, I am dating, but at a much slower pace.<p>[This message has been edited by 711 (edited February 10, 2001).]

Bob,<BR>divorced about one year, buried myself in work, now thinking about poking my head into the dating world as dating your computer is not very satisfying.<P>Intimacy is not wanted at this point, friendship and having a good time at what I like to do is important.<P>711, I would have gone since it was a group, separate sleeping arrangements, sounds like a good escape with a group, and its in a social setting where you're not stuck if its not working.<P>I had a great time skiing this winter, but my old equipment broke and i need to replace some of it.<P>sportsguy<P><p>[This message has been edited by sportsguy (edited February 10, 2001).]

I haven't said no yet to the ski trip. We are going to talk about it soon. He is suppose to come over to play tennis with me now. He is 15 minutes late. I don't like that!! I am never late so this kind of bugs me. Oh well. Just friends right now and seems like we will stay that way or maybe not. I think it is kind of rude, friends or not.

SG,<P>When my ex and I first met, we had only been dating for 3 months before she and I took a trip to a nice little island for a week. Of course 7 seven years later, we're now divorced.<P>I think it just depends on your relationship and what you feel comfortable with. If you are planning on going anyway, but feel that you would enjoy her company, then I'd say it's ok to ask her. I don't see how it could hurt, but then again, what do I REALLY know about women???

Ooh, I'd have to know you for quite a while before I'd do the trip. <P>My relationship this summer went too far too fast and derailed within a few months. I'm kicking myself over that. Intimacy too soon is probably a precursor to death of the relationship.<P>

Well, i have three months and quite a while,<BR>can we get any more specific or is it an<BR>"it depends type deal?"<P>i was hoping for a real good idea on time frames, like<P>a) 0-3 months<BR>b) 3-6 months<BR>c) 6-9 months<BR>d) 9-12 months<P>sportsguy

For me it would be an "it depends" situation.<P>How well do I know you? Are we talking about sharing a room? Are we sharing a bed?Is it somewhat understood where the relationship stands? Am I going to feel obligated to have sex? Am I going to want to have sex? <P>So, I can't give you a time frame. It all depends.

Sportsguy: While separated I was seeing someone who after 3 months asked if I would be interested in going to Europe with 2 other couples - 10 fun filled days. Thought what the heck I can do this - well, let me tell you but the time we went - I couldn't stand the guy but now was trapped into this trip and it was the trip from hell. Not only because of him but also because of our tour guide couple went wacko on us. <P>My suggestion - don't. At least not after you really know this person. <P>My opinion only<BR>Missy3

motion to the ref: TIME OUT called by the male team! break to commercial<P>ok, specifically no sex required by me, don't always know about the teams in the other league (the women's league), <BR>and only a weekend, <P>geez, i would think a week would be too much, never mind 10 days. 4 days means traveling to destination Friday, Sat, Sunday have fun, travel home Monday, or sunday if it didn't go well, or not to far.<P>Maybe i should limit it to driving distance in case of bad tour guides?<P>I am very reasonable. I just like her alot, doesn't mean I want to get married tomorrow, or ever!<P>sportsguy<P><<whistle>> play resumes

Sportsguy,<P>I don't think I'd want to vacation with a friend, I didn't know real well, but a date - boy does that complicate things...<P>From this woman's perspective, with clearly defined male/female roles and rules in courtship:<P>If you were dating me, and asked me to go away on a trip, I would politely decline - in overnight travels, sex is implied. I would assume that I didn't mean much to you, that you were trying to "buy" me (if you offered to pay my way) and I wouldn't date you anymore.<P>If you asked my to pay my own way, I would still politely decline, thinking you were trying to rush a sexual relationship, and cheap to boot. Again, I wouldn't see you again.<P>If you said, "lets go as friend's, separate rooms, separate expenses, no strings attached" I would assume you just wanted to be friends. In that case:<P>I would decline if I had romantic intentions toward you, thinking that we obviously had different goals; or<P>I would accept that offer, ONLY if I intended to remain platonic friends with you - but that kind of a "buddy" trip would cement the relationship in my mind - it would never change from platonic to romantic.<P>Now, did you ever think something as simple, as having a nice time with someone would have so many ramifications/complications??? LOL <P>My advice would be, don't rush intimacy, or create ambiguous expectations before your relationship has time to develop naturally.<P>Maybe you could just talk about "this great vacation" you are thinking about, without any specifics, and feel her out a little - hey maybe SHE will suggest something. <P><BR>

H.W,<P>geez, what league do you ref for? those rules are impossible! how can anyone score on that playing field? does your home plate float in a water bucket also?<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> don't rush intimacy, or create ambiguous expectations before your relationship has time to develop naturally. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>that is what i am looking for, i just want to know where the out of bounds begins.<P>What i am afraid of is that she will want romance quicker than I will. that's the real double end reverse that i could fail on.<P>sportsguy

So I guess my question is: Do you want her to go? If the answer is yes, and you get all the signs she would be ready to do this understanding you are recently divorced etc etc then ask yourself, before you ask her, should you get separate rooms...are you ready for a physically intimate relationship? if so, then when you ask her to take off for the islands give her the option...separate rooms...same room...etc. <BR>I think this is all about communication...<P>If you think you are ready for this...separate rooms or not then go for it... <BR>I understand about great adventure...I am traveling alone these days and it would be nice to have a companion...I also over analyze things to the point of nausea...don't nuke it, go with your gut.<P>If you keep it open and light then no one get's hurt (in theory)...meaning talk to her make it a joint decision. <BR>then have a good time... <P>My two cents<BR>

My $.02<P>I would not bring up an "out of town game" until after you've decided this relationship is going to be an intimate one and has become one - in my mind, the "is this trip just about sex" question then becomes a mute point.<P>Plus, you'll know then that the relationship is "real" enough. And it won't be a question of deciding if you've dated long enough - you'll already know based on the homefield situation.<P>Good luck<P>"Game on"

hey sportsguy,<P>LOL No, the rules aren't impossible, I'm doing very well, thank you - it eliminates the riff-raff. It makes life much simpler with standards, and boundaries. No hurt feelings, no misunderstandings. They really are based on respect for each gender. <BR> <BR>There is a long-running dating battle that rears itself every once in awhile. Problems come when there are mixed expectations, especially when it comes to sex. Dating doesn't mean sex. Dating means going out together. People fool themselves into thinking sex without commitment isn't harmful to at least one of the parties.<P>And when you say you are concerned she may want romance more quickly than you, does that mean you wouldn't mind some casual sex without the commitment, but you are afraid that she equates the two?<P>No, you wouldn't score with me, but I know there are many women who wouldn't mind some casual sex in exchange for a vacation they couldn't afford, or that sex is just date #3. If that is the type of woman you want, then go for it. But - if its not, and she really does mean something to you, wait til the timing is right - I, and most of the women I know would not be flattered by a casual invitation to vacation.<P>Its hard to undo screwups early in a relationship, and you may not have the chance. <BR>

No, that means I don't want to screw it up with sex!<P>Sex is the left field wall over which the relationship changes forever. I want that change to be the right time, so that when I batter up for the first time, I get a home run!<P><B> that's why i am asking all these questions about the rules of the game! I hate flying out out from ignorance! </B><P>I told my prospective "date" that I want to spend time with her and have fun, and I can play within the sidelines, its just I want to have an idea of the endlines, and I am beginning to get an idea from everyone here.<P>put it this way, if i lose because i wait too long, the delay of game penalty is hers, right?<P>sportsguy<P>

Ok,<P>DONT ask her out on a vacation yet. You can't go wrong with waiting. I don't know a single woman, who has been angry or dumped some man, because she felt he had too MUCH respect for her, that she couldn't hold off having sex anymore. <P>Believe me, being treated special goes both way.<P>A vacation together makes it way too complicated at this stage in the game. Wait til/if you are a couple. Til you are seeing each other exclusively, til you are having sex. Til a vacation is a natural enhancement of the relationship. <BR>

I feel the best thing is to wait for the relationship to be in a less formative stage before taking a trip together. I was just having trouble working up the courage to say this.

..<p>[This message has been edited by WhenIfindthetime (edited February 12, 2001).]