WOW!!!!!!!

Bumper...<P>Don't feel too bad. You may be a nitwit magnet; I get the award for jerk magnet, so maybe that makes me a nitwit too. I don't know. Everyone goes on about honesty... people say they want it and when you are, you get slamed for it.<P>Perhaps someone should write a dating manual for those of us who have been out of the loop for 20 years.<P>

Lonely soul,<P>is there tact with the honesty? or is it blunt honesty? there is a difference.<P>is the tone arrogant? or condescending? or does the tone convey something else?<P>does the body language signal agreement with the words and the tone? or does it signal disagreement?<P>Is the honesty at the right time and place with the correct attitude and atmosphere?<P>i was honest, and it got me a D. now i was honest in saying that uor relationship was not very good or satisfying. i was overly blunt at first, and the reception was not very good. I modified the discussion to the reception, but it didn't matter. the damage was done.<P>However, in reviewing the tapes, and with new knowledge found here, honesty was not the problem, the approach was ENTIRELY the problem, as was the setting and the timing, etc. i could agree that i was a nitwit magnet, but then again, i had an excuse.<P>No more! Never again!<P>WIFTTy<P>

WIFTT<P>I am not entirely sure what you are talking about. <P>I believe I am always tactful...to a fault sometimes. I try to keep my tone neutral...or friendly...I don't like to hurt people on purpose. I'm not saying I don't...I try not to. Maybe I need a new approach. I seem to keep setting myself to get run down. I quess I haven't learned yet...I have been having a lousy few weeks. Lots of set backs...some self induced, some completely out of my control. <P>I understand honesty...even when it is blunt. I don't understand double speak...which to some is their version of honesty.<BR>

Lonelysoul,<P>what i am saying is that honesty may not be the problem in the other people's point of view, it may be the other parts of the conversation that they receive that invalidates the honesty, to which you are unaware.<P>What you think is tone neutral, etc may not be received as tone neutral received.<P>so with nitwit attractors, (and i used to be one, no more!) what is it about you that they find appealing? honesty is not the answer, since we have been burned with honesty! <P>it could be misplaced compassion, or the misinterpretation of compassion.<P>that is the question.<P>WIFTTy<BR>

WIFTT:<P>I see your point. My problem isn't the nitwit magnet...I have the jerk/creep magnet problem. I believe this particular infliction involves a whole new set of miscommunications. Honesty, or lack of it, is a contributing factor. I don't consider myself a nitwit...but considering my excruiating bad habbit of always trying to find the good when there is absolutely none there but selfish motivation, you could make an argument. Hopefully, not today, for I am not up to it. <P><p>[This message has been edited by Lonelysoul (edited March 02, 2001).]

So, she was leaping ahead in the relationship? If you all hadn't been talking about marriage, what on earth would have lead her to expect an engagement ring. <P>I don't know why people don't say what they mean and mean what they say. Or ask for clarification.<P>Although it wasn't a pleasant experience, be grateful you discovered some of these behaviors before you coughed up the money for a ring.

Bumper,<P>"She was hoping for an engagement ring.<P>Eleven months of dates, she has never responded to a kiss, never hugged back, never invited me in for the proverbial cup of coffee. It would have been nice if she had shown a little affection."<P>Ok, there are the three strikes I refered to when I first replied to your thread. Expecting a ring but you haven't shared "the proverbial cup of coffee". Of what age group is she? I'd say this isn't a match. Keep your MB's knowledge close for good measure and keep your eyes wide open, it is a big world out there. Not all women are like this, keep pannin' for gold.<P>Ragamuffin

Hey Nit wit Magnet,<BR> How old are you and were do you live? I am a nit wit, and a straight shooter. As my H say I get right to the meat of the subject. Yes is yes no is no maybe is maybe only three answers for me.<P>------------------<BR>Deb

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bnbsdbG:<BR><B>Hey Nit wit Magnet,<BR> How old are you and were do you live? I am a nit wit, and a straight shooter. As my H say I get right to the meat of the subject. Yes is yes no is no maybe is maybe only three answers for me.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hi Deb,<P>Sure glad to hear from you, I thought this thread had just about run it's course. I'm 58, GF was 50. I live in Philadelphia PA, but I spend a good deal of time at my Mom's ranch in northeast Wyoming. Mom is in an nursing home and she lets me help her out with things.<P>When my secretary heard about our "meaningful conversation," and she laughed at it. Secretary seems to think that where GF is concerned, I was never in the equation. Turns out GF wasn't one of my secretary's favorite people. Thought GF was a little too bossy. We've worked together for twelve years, and somewhere there is a piece of paper that used to say I'm the boss. Yeah, right.<P>Dr. Harley recommends dating at least thiry people before considering remarriage. Well, I've been divorced for close to seventeen years now, and considering the failed marriage and about that many failed relationships, there is one point that can't be ignored: There is only one common denominator in all these failed relationships. <P>It's .....................umm..........ahh......................... me. <P>Bumper<P> <P><p>[This message has been edited by Bumperii (edited March 05, 2001).]

Bumper:<P>You shouldn't blame yourself...though I know it's hard to do. I was in a 16 year marriage full of emotional and verbal abuse...divorce is still not final. I trusted someone who appeared alot like me...believed in the Harley principles and all that. Well, he is dating and felt obligated to tell me. How sweet.<P>I can't imagine dating 30 people. The thought makes me sick. Philadelphia? I live in SJ...small world. <P>

Hi LS,<P>Please, I didn't date them all at once, they just kind of accumulate over the years. Most were pretty good people, and have gone on to get their lives back together. Many are married, some have elected to remain single. Sometimes I look back on these women and wonder if those dates ever added up to anything more than two people that just needed to come in out of the cold for a few days or weeks.<P>Now, I am still involved in emotional affairs with fourteen or fifteen women. They are all widows in their eighties and in the nursing home with Mom. I'm going out to visit next week, and the nurses tell me that they all know I'm coming. Even after all those years, they still love a few minutes of attention from the male of the species! <P>South Jersey huh? I have a daughter in Ocean City. My favorite restaurant is the Crab Trap over in Sommers Point.<P>Bumper

Bumper:<P>I didn't really think you dated 30 women all at once...if you had we would have been reading about you...or saw you on Jerry Springer...just kidding.<P>I just commented because I haven't dated in 20 years...except one person I met a few months ago. The outcome of that was so painful, I doubt I'll ever have the courage to do it again. I quess, I just wasn't ready.<P>Susan<BR>

Bumper,<BR>What is status of your relationship now? I'm curious/nosey!!!<P>Bob

Bumper....<P>How are things? Yep, I'm a nosey one too!<P>Ragamuffin

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by RWD:<BR><B>What is status of your relationship now? I'm curious/nosey!!! </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Status = Socially unencumbered. <P>It really wasn't a relationship, it was more like a period of time when I was allowed to bask in the glow of her magnificent presence. My secretary says that women like ex GF give self centeredness a bad name. She brought me in a quote. <P>Let the great man speak:<P>"The satisfaction that a man gets out of conquering--which is to say, succumbing to--a woman of noticeable pulchritude is chiefly the rather banal one of parading her before other men. He likes to show her off as he likes to show off his expensive automobile or his big door knob factory." ....H. L. Mencken, Prejudices: Fourth Series, 1924.<P>Hey everyone, thanks for listening and all your thoughts.<P>Bumper<P>

that's why i will take attractive / cute and fun personality over beautiful and tries to use it (witchy!) any day!<P>wiftty

Bumper,<P>You forgot that you are royalty too. SHE had the priviledge of entering the presence of the king, and SHE was allowed to be edified by your presence too. <P>Naughty CJ! Naughty!<P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.