Male 42, betrayed<BR>lived together 5 years, married 2 years<BR>found out affair started before marriage.<P>

My turn:<P>-Female, age 26<BR>-Betrayer<BR>-married 1 1/2 yrs, together for 4<BR>-3 children, 8, 6 and 2<BR>-H works a lot of hours, I was very lonely (no excuse)<BR>-had brief affair with married man<BR>-ended affair before it really began I think, confessed to H, now trying to rebuild.<BR>-Still in Withdrawal.<BR>*noteworthy-affair didn't end badly...just we both came to our senses.<BR>-to my knowledge, H has never cheated on me<BR>-Mother in Law has been pushing another woman on H for the last 2 years (before the affair)<BR>That's about it. Please email me if you want to talk.<P>modemvnd@mcsi.net<P>Tracy

Wow, I wonder if mine will be read down here at the bottom <P>Female 35 married 14yrs 2 children 11 & 8<BR>Betrayed<BR>H met ow on line in may 98, then left us father's day weekend to drive to see his parents (along the way was ow). Father-in-law knew he was seeing her first and that was fine with him (go figure). After 3 months of believing his lies, and suffering the emotional stuff he lied one more time. This time I was ready to come to my senses, he was in my hometown on a business trip and called and told my youngest he was staying one more day, my mother, who still lives there said I bet the ow is here. So she got in her car and went to the resort......he was busted red handed. When he returned home he was met at our house with two officers and was served papers. What a wake up call it was for him. Lot's of counseling and a whole lot of honesty has turned our lives around. We just celebrated a one year mark of me finding out. I still have lots of memories I wish I could forget, but it looks like we made it.

One more to add:<P>Male, 43<BR>Married 22 years<BR>Son 20; Daughter 17 (18 in Nov)<BR>Betrayed.<P>I never thought it would happen to me, either. We have had our ups and downs in marriage. I neglected W and she had physical affair with married co-worker. My neglect was in part due to her Love-Busters. Affair from 1/99 to 5/99. She ended it. OM did not want it to end and continued to follow her, even to her new employer. He has since left that job. He tried to force her to continue in the affair. She would not have it and told me about it. She was afraid for her safety. I had her tell her employer about OM. Employer was supportive and sent OM away when he showed up that week. This was only about 4 weeks ago. <P>W hit me with divorce plans week of our 22nd anniversary. I agreed to separation instead, to give us time. Have been in apartment now for 2 weeks. She met with attorney last week to file for divorce. She is emotionally withdrawn and does not want to work on marriage, even though she said ok to separation instead of divorce. <P>In a nutshell! Both of us are a little nuts now. <P>------------------<BR>Working to Resolve and Rebuild.

Here it goes....<P>Female<BR>~Age 34<BR>~betrayed/betrayer<BR>~Married 11 yrs...together 18 yrs<BR>~2 kids(4&8)<BR>He has been cheating on me since we were in high school. I have only one known proof of H's affair (contracted STD) in May '99. Major problems with communication, drugs and verbal/emotional abuse. I've been in an emotional affair with MM for 14 mos. It is still ongoing. Where is it going? Who knows...<p>[This message has been edited by Clare (edited August 16, 1999).]

ok here it goes.......<P>Female<BR>Betrayed<BR>27 years old<BR>H is almost 30<BR>5 year anniversary was in June<BR>6 years together<BR>2 kids<BR>H had an affair in April 99 (with his brother's wife)<BR>found out 1 week later because he told me<BR><P>------------------<BR> GOD,<BR>Grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change, COURAGE to change the things I can and the WISDOM to know the difference. <P>

Female, 46<BR>Married 9 1/2 years together 12<BR>3rd marriage fro me, 2nd for him<BR>4 kids(2 his, 2 mine) as of Friday only one at home<BR>Betrayed<P>Sadi it was just a freindship, some one to have a few beers with. Started Jan 99, got physical Feb99. Confronted him and he denied it in Mar 99. In May I told him I knew and had proof. He admitted it and said that since Mar he had tried to end it. I believe that since his timew with her decreased around then. Has been working very hard on our marriage. Recovery complicated by his alcoholism. Has seen her 1 time since May. And I keep very close tabs on him.

I'll bite-<P>Female 36yr old <BR>Found out H had affair 6 wks after it started<BR>H said it was emotional only, but found out only last week from OW it was more.<BR>2yr old daughter<BR>H moved out 6 weeks ago<BR>H doesn't want any part of me or daughter<BR>H just doesn't want to be married<BR>My 1st marriage- his 2nd<BR>H left 1st wife for 2nd wife<BR>Met me 6wks after 2nd marriage was over

Here goes....<P>Female<P>42 years young<P>betrayed (3 shortlived affairs and one long lasting mess)<P>Married 9 1/2 years<P>We have 3 children 8 6 5mo<P>I had 3 from before marriage 25 20 15<P>OW has H's child 7 1/2mo<P>Found out shortly after it started, OW moved across US and separated from her H, two years later shes back in the scene, after discovery H gets depressed, suicidal, moody, went from 1 year plan A, am currently in a type of plan B...Its been 4 1/2 years since beginning...<P>Affair is still in contact mode, I see H to let him spend time with kids/baby....Try being nice... Hugs acceptable for kids benifit, and always on best nicest behavior.<P>Don't know if anything will ever change, but am busy taking care of the *US* that I have left to take care of..... Me and Kids!!! My question in my mind is.... Was he that good of a husband/Father before all of this???<p>[This message has been edited by used2Bcozy (edited August 17, 1999).]

female<BR>30 yrs old<BR>betrayed<BR>married 7 yrs - together for 14 years, we have 3 kids 7,4 and 5 mo. old.<P>H and I didnt talk to eachother, his work came 1rst and my friends came first. There was alot of anger and resentment. I became pregnant (very unexpected) and he really withdrew from me. He went away for a week and met up w/an old girlfriend - I found out when he got home, told him to leave, during my pregnancy we slowly got closer. We moved back together when baby was born 3/99. We have such a different relationship - we are much closer than we ever were. I cant believe where my life was 1 yr ago and where it is today. <P>

-Female<BR>-Betrayed<BR>-43 (H 45)<BR>-One child (girl 6)<BR>-Married 14 years, cohabited for a total of 6 years before (incl. university residence)<P>Been a stay-at-home mom for five years. Currently searching for work. Husband worked(s) long hours and spent(ds) little time with family. We became distant in these years and lived together much like a brother and sister. <BR>Confronted him 7/1. Finally had solid evidence so he could no longer deny it. I told him to leave and he came back two days later. He pays the bills! Told him that there would have to be some effort to reconcile if he was to stay. Affair began in April? OW divorced or separated maybe. She is a client so he cannot sever all contact with her. <BR>Discovered a week ago that he is still calling her at home! I couldn't hide my distress about this and had to tell him. Not sure if I can continue with Plan A when I have these doubts!

Female<BR>age 31<BR>married 13yrs(married HS sweetheart @ 17yrs)<BR>3 daughters (5,7,9)<BR>Betrayed<P>First affair was 5 1/2 yrs ago while I was pregnant. H told me when OW broke it off and was gonna tell me.<P>Second affair was within the last year. Wasn't a realationship, just casual cybersex. Never met in person to my knowledge. Found a very graphic log file. They were planning to meet at a channel party, but it got cancelled.<P>Third affair was approx 6 mos ago. Cyber relationship. H was in love with her. I discovered a message about them breaking up. They met in person last month at a channel party. H says nothing happened.<P>Currently H is in a very close friendship that I fear may become an affair. Has daily internet and/or in person contact w/ OW.

Why not!<P>female<BR>age51<BR>married 32yrs<BR>betrayed<BR>affair lasted 12 yrs<BR>disclosed when OW decided she wanted her man! She busted him, just showed up at the house! <BR>never suspected, believed all his lies<P>Its been 2 1/2 years we've been trying to recover. He said good-bye to the OW that day and has tried to work on rebuilding trust ever sense<P>I'm the one who seems to still be struggling with the "whys?" Its funny how something like this can make your whole life look like one big farce! We will make it though!<P>------------------<BR>eyes wide open<BR>

Okay...in case anyone is still reading....<BR>-Female<BR>-42<BR>-Betrayed<BR>-Married 22 years next month<BR>-3 Kids (24, 19, 17) 1st grandchild on the way<BR>-Betrayed<P>H had numerous one night stands early in our marriage. I suspected, he denied, but he finally admitted them recently. He had an internet affair 6 years ago. Actually met with her several time, but denies sex. (not sure why, but I believe him!) Most recently, was caught kissing one of my best friends. They both deny it was anything more than "touchy-feely" but other people (including our children) think it went much further and feel it is there duty to tell me about it. This one has done more damage than the others, maybe because we never dealt with the others until now. Husband finally admitted everything and we are working to rebuild an "honest" relationship. Things are going well right now!

Female, Age 43<BR>Married: 17 years<BR>Betrayed<BR>H's affair started in September, 1996; he walked out on me in February of 1997.<BR>H, who is sterile, had an affair with a twice-divorced woman with a young daughter so that he could have a family of his own. He delayed the divorce for over a year and a half due to his apparent indecision on whether or not to marry her (but blamed me for the delay). He finalized our divorce in April of 1999. Plans to marry OW next month.

Male<BR>42<BR>Betrayed<BR>Married 20 years this Nov.<P>I saw my "EX" 12 years ago, no sex, fessed up and stopped immediately.<BR>I discovered her affair 2 years ago, she SAID it stopped. Love still very distant though, I should've KNOWN. I had a brief affair since I still felt she'd never come back to loving me again, it's over, she knows.<BR>Aug 14th, 1999, she admits she's been seeing him the whole time, 3 years now... and wants to leave.<P>

Female<BR>Age 59<BR>Betrayed<BR>Married 23 years<BR>10 children<BR>H had on-line affair that lasted 6 months. Felt very mixed emotions as he never saw or really touched her. He did however shut me out. Stop having any intimate relations with me. And the very worst was he stopped being my best friend. We are better but it is still hard. It has been almost 2 years and the road back is very hard.<P>------------------<BR>alleyoop<BR>

Female<BR>Age:33<BR>Betrayed<BR>Married 3 yrs.<BR>No Children<P>H started affair 12/98, I discovered it 3/99. We separated for 2 months, I was planning to divorce him as he moved in and signed a lease with ow after I kicked him out. Used Harleys concepts including plan B.. worked well.. H moved back in to our home 6/8/99.. H is in counseling, goes to church with me and we are recovering better than can be expected.

32 years old<BR>female<BR>betrayed<BR>married 11 yrs, together 16<P>married high school sweetheart<P>H's first affair 7 yrs ago. (sexual 2 months + emotional 2yrs) disclosed 4 mths ago.<P>H's 2nd affair - emotional, lasted 12 mths, disclosed a few weeks ago...currently in withdrawal pretty bad - he still works with her.

Male<BR>Betrayed<BR>42 years old<BR>married 3 years (last week)<BR>h 30 years old<P>First affair happened while we were engaged. Got married 4 months after (didn't know she was still writing to him until 2 wks prior). Second affair was 1 week prior to our first anniversary, lasted three months until he broke it off, but it was 90% a telephone affair. Third and last began 5 months ago and is continuing now, though she claims they are at the "just friends" stage. We have been separated since it began.