Jen,<P>Part of what I read, is a lot of people, more men then women, leave a stable relationship because they miss that intense state. A relationship will never survive that state all the time, it will always die down or move to the more stable type of love.<P>I think this might be what confuses the WS in the fog from the affair. If my exH felt this with OW, what I was feeling from Sept to January, then I can see why he was in such a fog and couldn't think straight. Of course, it took me feeling it on my own to understand it.<P>I was just reading a book in Barnes And Nobles, called Women , Men and Relationships by Dr John Gray (Men are from Mars author). I didn't buy the book but read some while my kids picked out some books. This book stated something interesting too.<P>It said that women handle stress by needing touch, hugging, and to talk it out with their partner. Men handle stress by withdrawing and taking space to figure things out on their own. That while they are in this state, they don't seem themselves and lack the desire for physical closeness. <P>I am not sure if this is true, since my exH of 11 years, would scream and yell and throw things at me for any problem. I wonder if men on the boards feel they withdraw when in stress. Maybe a question for a seperate post.<P>Hugs, Dana<BR>

Well, I'm trying to decide if I just want to give up on all of this. Your having problems, I'm having problems, others are having problems. Here is my situation. I started dating someone earlier this year and we have had are ups and downs. However, I have decided that I can not take this any further because he has not put closure on his past relationship. <P>[This message has been edited by 711 (edited March 28, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by 711 (edited March 28, 2001).]

Jen,<P>I'd say in your case there are some red flags going up. Is this the first person you were seeing or the second? I know the first one you were going to meet up with in April or May or something.<P>Only you can make the decision for yourself, but be cautious!<P>I don't know what I have is problems, but yes, issues to deal with. I 've spent the last half a year with someone who shows me extreme care, concern, affection, respect. He made me very happy. <P>I think we are just redefining our relationship in attempts not to lose it. At some point, people reach different places in the relationship. You can't force one to catch up. Its really hard to take a step back, but somehow you have to find a happy medium.<P>Its hard to go from several daily calls to calls once a day to once every other day and seeing him once a week, BUT, I don't take him for granted, thats for sure. And how nice it was to get called up and asked to dinner! Rather than .."what are we doing tonite>?" . <P>I'm finding positives to the whole thing and giving space. Thats all I know how to do right now.<P>Hugs, Dana<BR>

Dana: <P>I think you are handling things very well! I do hope it all works out for you.<P><BR>[This message has been edited by 711 (edited March 28, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by 711 (edited March 28, 2001).]

Jen,<P>Hang in there! Stepping away will either make it or break it, I do believe that, and if it breaks it, then he's not the one for you anyhow. Good luck! Dana<BR>