Hey Dude!!<P>I'm off today!!<P>Whoo-peee!!<P>Dara

Not me as you can tell I'm slaving away. he he<P>Bill

Thanks for the response yesterday..<P>Sorry I didnt get back to you last night. Went in at 5;30 AM, came home at three, and after being thrown up on all I wanted was a hot shower. <P>We were supposed to have B ball game yesterday but it got canceled due to the weather. Sounds like you had a very enjoyable weekend with the kids. I can tell your a great dad Bill. I wish I had the mental energy to do more things with the kids...it seems that I am just plain flat worn through due to all this crap.<P>How are your spirits today? How did your evening go?<P>Dara

Evening wasn't bad or good. Oldest daughter had a band concert. Then came home Lisa tried to throw some stones but she got a reaction of kindness. She was hungry and I mean we need to shopping there is no food in the house. I offered to go pick her something up. The closest place to us with food is 20 miles. She said no that's ok. Then said well if you would. Listened to country on the way and it actually put me in a better mood.<P>When I got back home I read those passages that you mentioned to me. I wrote a country song and started on another. Then started reading the Gospel of Matthew. Looked up and it was 2:00 am. OOPS!!!!<P>Well it's finally lunch time so I can type without having to act like I'm working. HE HE<P>Bill<P>PS Waz up with the puking thing?

I got a call last night from my sister. She's married, has 4 kids, 2 with downs, and lived in Kansas all her life. They're thing of moving to TX. Some small town around Dallas. A counsellor that has helped her through the years is moving down there. No she only lives 90 miles from me. I'd hate to see her go but if it's for the best I'll sure support her.

HUH??? Your sister is moving to Tx just to foloow a counselor? Strange..<P>Closet food is 20 miles away? Dude!! Do you live in the sticks? Did you notice how she at first said no, but then you got the best of her. She doesnt want you to meet any of her needs. Or at least wont admit to it.<P>Puking? OK, here goes. As I was giving an enema, I stimulated the Vagus nerve, which in turn caused the sympathetic nervous system to go throught what is called a "Vagal response." Which causes elevated blood pressure, dizziness, and puts the patient into a "fight or flight mode." The patient then had a very forceful episode od emesis, of which I became the victim. <P>Gotta love that emesis!!<P>Chunky green tooo. <P>Smiles, <BR>Dara

Just looked at my posts today. Man I suck at typing!!<BR>I REALLY DO know hot to speel, really I do Bil.<P>My fingers just arent as articulate as my brain!!

Way to much detail on the puking. So is that like getting it from both ends. I simple it had corn in it would of done just fine.<P>I know that Lisa doesn't want me to meet any of her needs. She point that out a lot. Then she'll ask me to do something and of course I do. FOG!!!!<P>Sister went through some really rough times with have the two downs boys. She really built high walls around herself. Her and I used to be sooo close and we started drifting when she had her second child. I've always been there for her. I've left work and driven 300 miles just because she called and asked me too. Here lately we are just starting to take our relationship back to where it was. <P>No I don't live in the sticks, that's the next town over. We live 30 miles from a town of 40,000 that I work in.<P>

I learned to type in the ARMY, so I can tiipe gust fene.

Sunday evening when he went to the grocery store, I couldnt help but look in his notebook. I found her writing all over it. The B***** even wrote a "to do list" and a "grocery list". And left it there in his notebook. Man I was ticked, ecspecially after what he told me in that phone call last Tuesday. Remember? He called me and said that he dosnt want to spend his life chasing "foolish things", and realizes how silly this is (referring to her.)<BR>And that he just needs some time, even predicted after six months he will miss me enough to want me back.<P>Then I find this crap. Didnt say anything, just left it out. He picked it up and laughed at me. Which hurt ya know? I told him, biting my tongue, not wanting to argue, that it seems that he was just paying my lip service to get me out of town quietly. To give me some hope, so that I would chill out.<P>His response? How intellectual are you Dara? HUH????<BR>When did I get this notebook? I said last Sunday night you asked me is the kids had any extra notebooks. Where is her writing Dara? On the first five pages, Rick. Any others notes from her after that? No. When did I call you and tell you I would stop? Tuesday. <P>He was right. I then told him that I love him and do have hope, irregardless of circumstance. And I could have known that was written in February, and still be hurt.<P>I was surprised we didnt argue about it. I think I know why though. Instead of being confrontational, I just expressed to him how much I hurt by seeing that. After I mentioned the "lip service" thing it could have easily become an arguement. But it ended with me in tears, saying that I love him, and telling him I could have read last years notes from her, it still would hurt like hell.<P>I then said goodnight, and went to bed. Before I got to the room, he called me back, and asked me to help him interpret some slides of cells. He didnt want me to go to bed like that I suppose. Felt bad about it maybe.<P>I was just very honest about my feelings towards him and her. W/O any arguementativeness. (SP?)

I truly wish that we could talk like that. I have tried everything to communicate. Anytime she hears something she doesn't like her YELLING begins.<P>Started working on the property settlement last night. We each made a list of everything in the house. I combined the two lists and printed out two copies. I want her to write down everything that she wants and I will do the same. Then put the two lists together and see what we don’t agree with. She was like “I can tell you right now what I’m taking”. Woooo horsey. “Lisa if we are going to do mediation we must be able to agree on things and compromise. Just like the financial end of things I plan on taking most of the debt. You must be fair in this”. Her “Whatever”.<P>So what does you day look like?<P>BTW my spirits are good. I got up this morning at 5:00 and just layed there and listened to the birds until 6:30.

And now he is worried. Army came back with the orders, minimum enlistment is three years. Which definitely means Korea again. He only wanted two, to get him through school. And he was using unemployment as a back up, but just got denied. <P>So he is stuck and streesed how to meet this HUGE mortgage payment alone.<P>I told him why not rent the house and move to SA with us? You dont have to live with us, your mom offered you a place. He asked me to check into it, to see if there are any colleges with openings in their nursing programs. Ususally it is VERY compettitve to get into a nursing school. Why I dont know, there is such a shortage, but a 2 year wait to get into school. WHO, World Health Organization last year mandated a nursing crisis worldwide!!<P>So now he is considering going with me. Only for financial reasons of course.

Rick sounds like he is in need of my wife's services. If she goes to the bathroom whe takes her blue bag. Who knows what the hell is in it. Hindsight, I've uncovered quite a few behaviors over the past couple of months that make me wonder. Very much open to the idea of OM. Thinking of pulling cell phone records but then what is the purpose. To cause me more pain. Will it help our marriage or just start a new battle? Kinda thinking about this one for a while.

My day? I should try to find some work for eve shift, but too lazy!!<P>Honestly my head is SPINNING Bill. After him saying he may come to TX last night, I dont know what to think. Too many new developmemts. Now I worry about cleaning this house up to sell or rent. You know, new paint and all.<P>I am SOOO tired of this merry go round!!<P><BR>Got up at five EH? After going to bed at three? <P>Whats on your mind?

Not to burst a bubble or anything. But why doesn't he check it out? Has he always been this way? I just hope that he's not sending you on another journey that brings false hope.

Meet you at the corner store for expresso in half an hour. Your treat.<P>Just curious. Thought maybe you had some exciting adventure to go on or something.

Well Bill, if it were me I would want to know. <P>It does make it harder though. But it also helps to make sense of her. I still kinda think that there is one. Or it could be that she is just interested in someone else. If it were me, I would pull the cell phone records immediately, and get into that "blue bag."<P><BR>Yes, it will cause some argueing. But it will help you to figure what the hell is wrong. Because to me it seems that she just woke up one day and decided she doesnt want you anymore...makes no sense.

Still thinking. I probably will pull cell records. As for the blue bag. Eventually she'll let her guard down and I guess at that time I'll have to make the choice. Of course she has said that this has been boiling for close to a year. <P>So if I find out for sure would I want her back would be the next question. As you can tell, we have never really had a great emotional relationship. Could we ever? The questions could just go on and on.<P>

Sorry bud, no corner store expresso's for me. I go to a professional Barista.<P>Exciting adventure? What do ya think silly, I am one of the Charlie's Angels?<P>LOLOL<P>Yes, it has always been me who figures this stuff out. Why do it myself? Because honestly I know what questions to ask to see if he can get in. There is BS about financial aid.. You cant get approved for it unless you are in a program, i.e. nursing school. But you cant get into nursing school unless you can pay for it. Alot of beauracray. I got in mine with out a prob, even thought they told me they had no room.<P>And every other student in my pre-req's had to wait for the next cycle.

BTW I don't know if I want to make sense of her. The picture of a crazy, mean, emotionless, cruel, cold hearted, no good, dirty, rotten, b&(*h might just be what I need.<P>Just kidding. GEEZ<P>Dara, you know the love I have for this woman.