<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by LostHusband:<BR><B>I talked to atty the only way to represent any of my rights is to file. Otherwise wait for her to do it and in the mean time she can do anything she wants.<P>Towell flying through air landing on mat. White flag waving.<P>[This message has been edited by LostHusband (edited May 03, 2001).]</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I find that hard to believe.<P>

me too. finally a tear through the anger

well, come on over. I'll buy you an expresso, and we can have that talk we have been procrastinating about. The one about aliens taking over our spouses bodies.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Learning as I go:<BR><B>well, come on over. I'll buy you an expresso, and we can have that talk we have been procrastinating about. The one about aliens taking over our spouses bodies.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>If it were that easy I would of ready been there if not before today than about 2 hours ago.<P>Thanksss

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by LostHusband:<BR><B>me too. finally a tear through the anger</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Accept that you are not in control of this Bill. Sure, you may end up divorced, you may end up madly in love again. Let it go!! You are adoubting God by doing your own thing. Pray, and accept what happens. You will be stronger for this. <P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Learning as I go:<BR><B> Accept that you are not in control of this Bill. Sure, you may end up divorced, you may end up madly in love again. Let it go!! You are adoubting God by doing your own thing. Pray, and accept what happens. You will be stronger for this. <P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>But isn't that what I'm doing? Letting go! <BR>

Bill, I am not a lawyer, but I know that Kansas recognizes legal separation. You can potentially get legal protection for yourself and your children without filing for divorce.<BR>

To be perfectly honest with you, I am grateful this has happened to me. It has opened my eyes to so many things about myself. I have begun to look at it as a time of growth. Changge never comes easy. You know that. <P>I am a better person throughout this. thanks to this board, and God above, I have learned things about myself I would have never figured out alone.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by GnomeDePlume:<BR><B>Bill, I am not a lawyer, but I know that Kansas recognizes legal separation. You can potentially get legal protection for yourself and your children without filing for divorce.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thanks, I'll be looking into that tonight.<P>

Hello Gnome,<P>It is nice to see you!!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Learning as I go:<BR><B>Hello Gnome,<P>It is nice to see you!!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Ditto, as you can tell I need all the help I can get today.<P>

Quietness fills the room.

Have you heard the full text of Reinhold Neibuhr's Serenity Prayer? The first sentence is the one that gets most of the airplay (and it's what I pray quite often). But the whole thing is quite good:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as the pathway to peace. Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Bill, you <I>do</I> have to protect yourself, for your children's sake, for your sake, and even for your wife's sake. (If she ever finds her way out of this pit she's in, she's going to feel mighty guilty. The more you let her get away with now, the more reason for guilt she's going to have.) Try to keep in mind the image of your wife as a drowning swimmer. She is lashing out in panic, and she poses a risk to anyone who tries to rescue her or is anywhere near her.<P>Dara, I certainly hope that you can work it out so that your husband goes to Texas with you. That really seems like the ideal solution all the way around. It gets your husband away from the immediate influence of the OW, it takes financial pressure off, and it creates an opportunity for you and your husband to work out whatever level of separation is necessary (if any) for you both to heal.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by GnomeDePlume (edited May 03, 2001).]

Thank you Gnome. I am just so lost right now. Standing at the cross roads and don't know what way to turn.<P>Either way I go I pay dearly, emotionally, physically, and financially.

Thank you Gnome,<P>I had never heard the complete text of that prayer. It have been applying those principles to my marraige.<P>Richard found out yesterday he did not make the list for the nursing program here. Why its so competitive with such a shortage of us I have no clue. The night before he agreed to consider going to TX if I could find a university with openings. I did. Found several. Then he found out he didnt make this list. Plus, he found out he couldnt enlist for only two years to get throught school. Min. of three, which definitly means an oversea's tour. So he's going with us. Plans on staying with his mom. Mentioned to me yesterday he feels really uncomfortable 'living with mom'. I refrained from offering to stay with me. Why? Because I really think we need a seperation. He does too. He still mentions that we will get a divorce though, but he has told me he will love me for the rest of his life. Just doesnt know if he can forgive me. Admitted it just may take a sep. to really miss me.<P>So we will see what happens. One day at a time. He gave up OW. On his own accord. Has been so much more receptive to me since.<P>Oh Bill. I dont know what to say. You dont have to take 'counter-action' to protect your self, as Gnome said.<P>Theres your answer. And I will be here for you every step of the way bud.<P>(((Bill)))

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by LostHusband:<BR><B>Thank you Gnome. I am just so lost right now. Standing at the cross roads and don't know what way to turn.<P>Either way I go I pay dearly, emotionally, physically, and financially.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Once you realize that you are going to pay dearly <I>no matter what happens</I>, that reality ceases to be a relevant factor in your decision.<P>What do you <I>want</I> to do? What do you believe is the <I>right</I> thing to do? What do you believe would be best for you to do for <I>yourself</I>? What do you believe would be best for you to do for your <I>wife</I>? What do you believe would be best for you to do for your <I>children</I>?<P>When my wife left me and I felt terribly confused and lost, I asked myself these questions (except for the one about children, since I don't have any). Somewhat to my surprise, and much to my relief, I found that all the answers were <I>the same</I>. I can't guarantee that it will work this way for you, but once I understood what I had to do, and what I had no control over, I was able to move forward with the former and give the latter over to God.<P>The emotional cost was and is unutterably painful. The physical cost was temporary. The financial cost was and is frightening and may well end up being completely devastating. The spiritual cost was...well...frankly, it's been a very enriching experience for me spiritually.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by GnomeDePlume (edited May 03, 2001).]

How are you right now Bill?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Learning as I go:<BR><B>How are you right now Bill?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I am terrible right now. <P>Gnome, I think that filing is best for me. I think that filing is best for her, she's ready to move on. What do I want to do? Roll up on the couch and cry for about a year. I'll explore a few more options tonight, but I do believe that it is best.<P><p>[This message has been edited by LostHusband (edited May 03, 2001).]

I am still here if ya need me Bill. You know how to find me!!

I just got the $$$ I need and reality hit me in the face at the same time. No stopping the tears now. DARA you know that this is not how I wanted things to go. Maybe, she will be more willing to negotiate if I do this.<P>As of right now I am financially ruined.<P>Can you buy the expresso all I have in my pickets is lint.<p>[This message has been edited by LostHusband (edited May 03, 2001).]