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#688663 04/30/01 09:41 AM
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A guy walks into the Toys-R-Us toy shop in downtown Cleveland and says to the assistant: "Could you please show me your Barbie dolls?"<P>She says, "Certainly, sir. Here, we have: <P>*Fashion Barbie @ $15.95<BR>*Vacation Barbie @ $15.95<BR>*Housewife Barbie @ $15.95 and<BR>*Divorcee Barbie @ $215.95!" <P>The guy asks in astonishment,"Why is "Divorcee Barbie so much? She looks the same to me." <P>The assistant answers, "Well, sir, Divorcee Barbie comes complete with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's golf clubs, his season tickets to the Tribe and the Browns, his Gold MasterCard, his yacht and his summer home." <P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

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Thanks FW needed that this morning. Hey what about the shirt off Ken's back? If she had a good lawyer she could of got that too.<P>Have a great week.<P>Bill<p>[This message has been edited by LostHusband (edited April 30, 2001).]

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Boo Hiss [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Love dem jokes!!!

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Oh, Bill! "The Shirt off Ken's Back" Barbie costs $315.95 and also comes with Ken's money--in the form of little rubber alimony checks, Ken's children, and most of Ken's friends. It's only available in mediator's offices, though, and is not available in toystores.<P> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] heehee (spank me, I'm naughty!)<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

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Spank me, I'm naughty? [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Clearly, I interupted!! Egad!!<P> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>

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ROTFLMAO!!!<P>What about Kens former friend. You know the guy Barbie ran off with?<P> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Spanking? <P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

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Um, I hate to burst your bubble, but there <I>is</I> no Toys-R-Us in downtown Cleveland.<BR>

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Wait a minute. Have I gotten confused about this humor thing again?...<BR>

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Well, all I can say is leave it to Nick to find the spanking thread! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] Nick, you ARE the naughty link--hello! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Anyway, I think you are referring to new Rod doll; he's Ken's former best friend, yet he's 15 years younger and a janitor--right? He comes with the cute "all-in-one" gray janitor outfit, a mop, a motorcycle and a tatoo of a heart with the name "Donna" crossed off on his right arm.<P>There's also the new Bambi doll, who is Ken's new squeeze. She's 21 years old, has an even LARGER bust than Barbie, has four children from her past three boyfriends, and she comes with a mini-skirt, platform shoes, a thong bikini, and no money! Of course, you can trade in the Bambi doll for a model with different color hair within six months!<P>(lowering my head in false shame)<P>NOW, you can take me to the Castle Anthrax and give me the appropriate punishment, for I have been very bad indeed!<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

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Gnome, <P>You analytical types are all alike. Ok, so here is one from one of our R&D programmers:<P>LOBSTER VASECTOMY -- 2000 Darwin Award Nominee (Unconfirmed)<P> (2000, England) This tale proves that crime does pay, if you're fishing for elective surgery to go along with your stolen goods. A 24-year-old supermarket shoplifter stuffed five lobsters in his pants and sprinted for the door, but he never had a chance. The violated crustaceans brought the thief to his knees in front of startled cashiers when they fastened their powerful claws around his delicate parts. <BR>Doctors were able to remove the animals with pliers. They say the thief will fully recover -- except for one small detail. "It was a do-it-yourself vasectomy." This man's daring supermarket exploits make him one of the few Darwin Award winners to live to tell the tale. <P>The supermarket manager declined to press charges, saying the culprit has already "gone through enough pain (to) learn his lesson." <P>OUCH!!!!!<P>Have a nice day and watch out for the lobster!!<P>L.<BR>

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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by FaithfulWife:<BR><B><BR>There's also the new Bambi doll, who is Ken's new squeeze. She's 21 years old, has an even LARGER bust than Barbie, has four children from her past three boyfriends, and she comes with a mini-skirt, platform shoes, a thong bikini, and no money! Of course, you can trade in the Bambi doll for a model with different color hair within six months!<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>It doesn't come with her trailer??? [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>

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This is long and a bit dated, but keeping in the theme of Barbie, read on.....<P>Possibilities Abound as Barbie Turns 40:<P>Yes, it's hard to believe, but in 1999 Barbie will turn 40, just in time to greet the new century. And they've been 40 full, rich years. She began as a glamorous airline stewardess when she was introduced at Toy Fair in 1959.She soared into space as an astronaut in 1974, ran for president in 1992, and, in 1997, she bore disability bravely, folding her first-ever bending legs into a wheelchair to become a role model once again for a newly identified market.<P>In every incarnation, nationality, and skin tone, she's perfectly turned out,with accessories galore at her long slender fingertips. She's Everywoman, she's the Cosmo Girl, she has it all. So, what will Mattel think of next as the company meets the challenge of Barbie turning 40?<P>Why fight age? Why not capitalize on it in every way possible? Here are some ideas Mattel might consider for a past 40 Barbie:<P>Bifocals Barbie:<P>Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.<P>Hot Flash Barbie:<P>Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead! With hand-held fan and tiny tissues.<P>Facial Hair Barbie:<P>As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow! Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.<P>Cook's Arms Barbie:<P>Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too: muumuus are back! Cellulite cream and loofah sponge optional.<P>Bunion Barbie:<P>Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with this pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules. Colors: pink, rose, blush.<P>No More Wrinkles Barbie:<P>Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.<P>Soccer Mom Barbie:<P>All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken Jr. With minivan in robin's egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.<P>Midlife Crisis Barbie:<P>Ken has a young Swedish girlfriend, so it's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Bruce (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Comes with real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."<P>Single Mother Barbie:<P>There's not much time for primping anymore! Ken's shacked up with the Swedish au pair in the Dream House and Barbie's across town with Babs and Ken Jr. in a fourth-floor walk-up. Barbie's selling off her old gowns and accessories to raise rent money. Complete garage sale kit included.<P>Recovery Barbie:<P>Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does 12 steps instead of dance steps! Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with little copy of The Big Book and six-pack of Diet Coke.<P>Who knows when Barbie will have outlived her usefulness? From Dream House to Nursing Home, the possibilities and accessories are endless.<BR>

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A man and his wife entered a dentist's office. <BR>The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." <P>"You're a brave woman," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is." <P>The wife turns to her husband and says: "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear." <BR>

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More things to make you go hm......<P>Subject: Things you learn along the way<P>Women should not have children after 35. Really...35 children are enough<P>Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.<P>After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.<P>I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.<P>No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.<P>If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?<P>How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?<P>Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?<P>On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was with all those plants and trees!<P>Marriage changes passion .... suddenly you're in bed with a relative.<P>I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved.<P>The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.<P>Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.<P><BR>Home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you anyway.<P>I live in my own little world, but it's OK, they know me here.<P>I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'<P>I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.<P>Sign In Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."<P>Dyslexia means never having to say that you're yrros.<P>If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'?<P>I see your IQ test results were negative.<P>Regular naps prevent old age..... Especially if you take them while driving.<P>I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.<P>I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers.<P>If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.<P>The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.<P>I have learned there is little difference in husbands, you might as well keep the first<P>If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.<P>Travel is very educational. I can now say "Kaopectate" in seven different languages.<P>And guess what, this was also sent by another R&D programmer. Must be a mental Monday!!!<P>L.<BR>

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Thanks to everyone for making me LOL while sitting at my desk at work. <P>Can always use a good laugh. You guys are bad!!!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]in a naughty sort of way.<P>

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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by new_beginning:<BR><B> It doesn't come with her trailer??? [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>OMG!!<P>Sheryl that is way tooo funny!!!!<P>And accurate!<BR>Dara<P>

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What's the difference between a divorce in Arkansas and a tornado in Texas?<P>None. Either way, someone's gonna lose their trailer!<P><BR> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] <P>Good morning everyone!<P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

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Hi <B>Dara</B>, Hi <B>CJ</B>... this kept my spirits up yesterday... and I hope it does the same today... feeling a bit down myself...<P>I tried to tell my best nun joke last week (it was very naughty) and I was *asked* to refrain from telling nun jokes evermore! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] hahahahaha So, I guess I'll just read! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

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Sorry Ladies. I couldn't resist.....<P>Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?<BR>He died laughing before he could tell anybody.<BR>

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Bad, bad, <B>Jayhawk</B>, bad, bad boy!!!!!!!!!!

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