Hi Dana,<P>Payroll taxes?!?!?! It's just money. $$$ sent to the government nonetheless. Yes, it's me. I just put my e-mail address in the exchange post on the JFO board. <P>Send me your questions, I will try to answer them. Now you may be thinking why would someone who likes 'orchids' be working with payroll taxes? Answer: It takes a lot of moola to buy flowers...... bad joke. The end of the quarter is just over for us but the work on my desk never stops. <P>L.<BR>

Thinking of you tonight...<P>It made me think of my situation as you wrote how the last two months have been, how you loved again too soon, how you are so afraid of the possible loss, how you've worked just as hard at this as marriage because it matters and because of what you've learned about relationships and about yourself...<P>I could have written all that myself.<P>...and if I had to face what you do now... I would be very afraid too... I would hate to lose my BF. I want this to work as much as anything in my life. I don't want to make mistakes and I want to be able to love again, trust again, and go forward with my head held high.<P>I thank you for what you wrote... I know it was reflective and painful, but it helped me.<P>Good luck tonight.<P>Hugs!!!!<BR>

DanaB,<P>You KNOW you have my thoughts and prayers tonight. Just remember to do what you know you need to do (for yourself) and act the way that you know you have the capability to act, and you'll be fine. Who knows, this could be a real breakthrough for both of you, and I'm proud of him for having the courage to go through with it and open up to you. That's good news, Dana.<P>But rain or shine, good news or bad, you can be sure of one thing, Dana, we will always be here for you to help get you through. {{{{{{{{{{DanaB}}}}}}}}}}<P><BR>CJ<BR><P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

((((((((friends)))))))))<P>You guys have made me cry good tears all day. I can't believe it is almost time, about another hour and a half (maybe 2 if he's running late, like some men always do) <P>I am feeling so tense right now. I can't breathe, I haven't eaten in 2 days, the last real time I ate was Sunday night when we went to dinner. I'm not hungry anyhow, just nervous. But its almost here.<P>If I don't make it back here tonite, I will be back tomorrow as soon as my strength allows me. I have sworn secrecy in whatever the main issue is, and I always keep my promises, but the general basics of my issues, my life and my fears, I will definetly let all my friends know if it was "make it or break it". God help me to make this alright and not run. <P>I have thought about calling and telling him not to come, that I can't do this today, in the middle of a work week. But I didn't go thru all this agony for nothing. <P>I have tried to find some positives. One is that I am getting the answers tonite. Two is that at least he respects me enough to tell me what it is. Three is that the waiting, the working thru giving space, the confusion, will not be so hard anymore, now I will understand some things. Four is that no matter what, I know deep down, I'll find the strength to deal with whatever it is, it just might take some time.<P>Negatives tonite - I got turned down for the job I applied for. This just reinforces the empty useless way I feel today. I have a terrible headache, pounding right thru my head, and I also feel a little yucky from being in the sun today. I'm very tired and very frightened. <P>My fantasy is he'll tell me what it is, I am able to deal with it, and he takes me into his arms and tells me "everything is going to be alright, we'll get thru this together". I learned a long time ago that women believing in fantasies and fairy tales, just cause more pain. I have also since stopped reading Harlequinn novels too.<P>The reality is that ahead of me tonite is worse then the day my ex left me. I had no clue. I was in a fog of reality myself for missing signs of an affair. But tonite, is sheer agony...knowing that it will be such a big night.<P>And in the end, I know that tomorrow, you will all be here for me , and that alone brings me some peace. To anyone who has posted a reply on my thread today, I appologize for not replying on any that you all might have. I just don't have strength for much today.<P>Hugs, Dana<BR>

You probably have your news by now, sorry I'm so late. I haven't been lurking so much this week(got myself behind the old eightball at work!)<P>I hope and pray everything works out for the best.<P>Prayers, love and hugs!<P>Bob

Hi Dana,<P>Been thinking of you all yesterday, came back to read the updates three times, and just checked it first thing this morning. Hope everything went well.<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper

DanaB<P>Hope you are doing okay. We are here for you.<BR> <BR>Petrie<BR>

Me too, I'm hoping you are OK this morning!! <P>(((Dana)))<P><BR>

Dana,<P>You were heavy in my thoughts last night. Hope today finds you well. <P>Love, Bill

Since I had promised a vow of secrecy from events that happened before this issue I have, I can't go into details, but I have been betrayed and it was with his exW. Not sure how I feel at this moment...numb, confused, very hurt and like this is a nightmare that I have already lived.<P>The hardest thing now, is knowing I have the tools to save this if that is what we choose to do. Right now there are other issues past this that must be dealt with.<P>Thank you for the continued support,<BR>Hugs,Dana<BR><p>[This message has been edited by DanaB (edited May 03, 2001).]

(((DANAB)))<P>Sorry to hear what the news was. I wish that I could offer more but all that I can give you is support and prayers.<P>Love, Bill<P>------------------<BR>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-

((((((Dana)))))))<P>I'm sorry to hear the news and just hope that you will do what's best for you in the days/weeks to come. You are strong and you are a survivor. I have no doubt that you will overcome this heartache as well.<P>Take care of you.<P>- Shawn

DanaB,<P>Thinking about you! Sorry you are having to deal with these issues. Think you handled yourself beautifully. Only you know what is the right thing to do for you.<P>Hugs.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{DanaB}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>That is so sad, sorry to hear the news. Praying that things will get better for you.<P>Bumper.

((((((((Dana)))))))))<P>I don't think anyone here is going to tell you that you should leave now, or that you should stay and work it out. That's going to have to be decided by you - and we all know how hard that decision is. What a mess. <P>But you are right about one thing, thank goodness you have the knowledge and the tools to make a very clear decision and then get what you need to carry it out!!!<P>(((hugs)))<P>--BR<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

Wow.<P>As someone deeply involved with someone else, I can understand the sheer terror of the not-knowing, and the deep, deep pain of the knowledge.<P>You're right, you have the tools to "fix" this, and you know "how to act" ...<P>I sure won't tell you what to do... nope.<P>But I'll cry with you, how's that? <P>(((((Dana)))))<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

Dana:<P>I'm so sorry to hear the news. I will continue to pray that God will grant you peace and comfort and help you in deciding what your next step should be. <P>HUGS!<P>Jen

Sorry for your situation.<P>Just a question. you know how to pull your relationship out of it, but will the negative influences on your BF ever subside? Will he be strong enough to completely sever his ties to the people who try to manipulate him? or at least resist them if they continue to mount?<P>just some socratic questions.<BR>

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Dana)))))))))))))))))))))))))<P>I have been out of town working and just returned. I would have posted earlier but that was just not possible.<P>I am sorry for all the stress you have been under.<P>I am even sorrier for the latest developments. You've done well. And don't worry about giving him too much space. There was nothing healthy you could have done to keep him from doing what he did. I bet you that no one held a gun on him to make him unzip those pants. And as for him being manipulated into it - he's a big boy and "NO!" is something he could have said.<P>I feel very angry that his actions have left you in so much pain. However, I am grateful that you now know.<P>Remember what people have said about 'when you marry someone, you marry not only them but also their whole family'? As much as I hate to say it, if you choose to keep this guy, his children's mother will be a fixture in your life for a lot of years.<P>Give him more space now if he needs it. And take care of Dana. Dana and the children should be most important to you right now.<P>More hugs and prayers than you can imagine are being sent to and for you now.<P>Jane-Elise

{{{{{Dana}}}}}<P>Dana,<P>I am so very sorry you were hurt by this. I can't think of anything helpful to offer but my hope that a little time 7 space will provde you some healing and clarity. As much as I hate to say it, you need to take care of yourself first.<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again