Dara,<P>Chill out!!!!!<P>Let's back off and look at this for a moment. Before you get your knickers in to too much of a bunch OK! <P>1. He has been lying to you about seeing her at school. Well, Duh! He is/was still taking about divorce. He is still not certain about the marriage. He isn't sure he can get over all that has happened in the past. Given all of those statements, did you expect him to just dump her???<P>It may have been the right thing to do, but YOU know that when in an affair doing the right thing doesn't happen very often.<P>2. You are expecting logic where there is none. Even if her H is telling you the God's Honest Truth, there is no reason to suppose that Rick was involved with her decisions. Rememeber she is in her delusional state as well. Do you remember your delusional state?? <P>So don't nail Rick on this. He probably didn't know. She may well say he encouraged her to come to TX, but he may be completely unaware of what she took as encouragement.<P>3. How well did you know the OM? Did you know all of his past? I doubt that your H knew/knows this woman well except what she has told him. We know that people in affairs lie.<P>So stand back make your move as you are going to do no matter what. Your H will make the move because he has no choice. The OW does whatever she does.<P>None of this changes your situation one bit. You must change your behavior and approach to your H for him to come back. He must decide that he can overcome the past and be the H you need. He must decide to get rid of OW. <P>Notice that nowhere does OW get a choice. Notice that nowhere is the problem OW's. This still comes down to you and your H and the healing of your marriage.<P>Dara, all of these are the trival details of an affair that will very likely come apart. Most of them do. You more immediate concern is the healing of your marriage. The changes you make for yourself based on the realizations that you have come to make. <P>Dara, keep your eye on the ball. The ball is healing your marriage,not worrying about the details of another couples marriage or even the details of your H's affair. <P>I will say this in closing. I suspect that your H not having sex with OW was his way of being as true to you as he could. He still didn't really buy into this being a "real" affair. However, now with marriage plans (OW's ) and planned moves on her part, he is realizing the seriousness of this situation. Here is where you need to be his friend. I doubt that he wants what this woman is planning, help him by letting him talk about the situation.<P>But you Dara, keep your eye on the ball: rebuilding the marriage.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

Hello all,<P>Nell it bothers me to think my behavior is this unstable. It is truely a rollercoaster, and when I wrote those things I was still absorbing all of my emtions.<P>JL, thank you for putting me back ito perspective. Rick and I have talked about how she has come to think there is hope for them. I gave him a womans perspective, and this surprised him, and made sense. He left too many open doors with her.<P>He called me today from school. He went to withdraw. He saw her and spoke to her. He told her that he is still a married man and that this is not right, although he is very confused. He told her there is nothing in their future togehter. He said she cried.<P>He called me and told me, but reminded me that this is not the answer to our problems. I only have another moment, but I believe he is sincere.<P>I also believe this is the time to earn his trust, as a friend as well. I told him I acknowledge that this must be hard for him. He talked to me last night about us, how strange it is that all these years he chased me, and gave me his heart. But now I am doing the same for him, what he always wanted, but unfortunalty he is not in the same mindset any more.<P>For now Guys,<P>I just want to be his friend. To give him reason to trust me with his feelings and heart. <P>I now believe this marraige is salvagable. He said he didnt think it was, but if I believe it is, for me to lead the way.<P>Gosh I love him sooo much.<P>Thank you everyone. <P>Please stick with me.<P>Love,<BR>Dara<BR>

Hello dear Dara,<P>I'll do more than stick with you...<P>I'm sending great big hugs and kisses!!<P>Girl, you made me cry! <P>Best wishes and Blessings to you and Richard!!!!

Dara,<P>Of course he doesn't think it will work. He is still in the fog although he did the "right" thing. Further, he is still viewing you as you were, not as the person you are becoming. With that mind set there is no reason for him to come back.<P>But give it time, try not to take it so personally, and definitely work on the need to control. I realize this is hard for you, but keep doing it. I suspect he will see what he wants and it will be you when it is time.<P>Dara, please remember this takes time and patience. Don't ever forget it.<P>God Bless,<P>JL