Why am I waiting around for my Wife? She is living across the country with the om. I don't mean jack squat to her. She doesn't even want to talk to me. Why did I waste 21 years on a useless relationship?<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

ouch. bad night, huh?<BR>

Chris,<BR> You probably didn't waste 21 years.Wasn't most of your marriage good?Maybe you're just wasting your time now.I've felt the same way about my 22 year marriage,but we did have a lot of good years for the most part.Maybe if my marriage had been bad,this would'nt all hurt so much.But I know what you mean.In hindsight,you feel maybe you never should have married her.I guess we can never predict the outcome of any marriage.Is'nt life exciting? --Murph

Chris,<BR> I'm sorry you are so down tonight, you haven't wasted these years, you have 2 beautiful daughters from this marriage. Is it possible that you have reached your limit ? Come on Chris, talk to us. You have help us so often, let us be here for you this time, ok ?<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Chris, I've been reading this board and your posts for awhile, and thought you are such a great dad and wonderful husband to go through all that you have. You know, sometimes people cannot see the forest through those trees. Your wife is on some type of fantasy trip that is completely out of the realm of reality here; and you know that she is gonna DEFINITELY wake up sometime and realize what she has done. I don't know whether she is just running away from reality at the moment, or just so lost that she can't distinguish what really matters from what doesn't (like wankboy). All I can say is that she will finally realize one day, maybe too late, what she has given up, and you will have perhaps moved on with your life, and she'll have lost the best thing that ever happened to her..you, those kids, and her self respect. Hopefully, she'll recognize this before it's all gone.

Chris,<BR>I don't really know what to say... I don't think you have waisted the years. Like Deb said, you have your daughters. <BR>I've been stuck thinking about songs all day today... (check my new post). The one that comes to my mind right now is "The Dance" by Garth Brooks ("His Garthness" acording to Deb).<BR>Would you really have missed all the good times if you would have know it would come to this??? Look deep... I don't think you would have.<BR>My thoughts & Prayrers are with you now, as alway.<BR>B<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

Ditto what Deb said!!!!!<P>C'mon Chris - SPEAK!!!!<P>Let us be there for you for a change.<P>Hugs and Strength,<P>Sheba

I thought most of my marriage was good. At least from my side. I tried to do all I could for her.<P>At some point (OH, ABOUT JUNE, 1989), she decided she couldn't confide in me for some reason. Now she doesn't want to even talk to me. As if all this time I mean't nothing. "But we're still friends." Friends at least say, :hi" to each other.<P>No, it wasn't a waste. If there were more good times than bad, then it was worth it. <P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Chris}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Ya' know, Ijust picture her in my mind as she was and I can't even imagine her doing this! The ONLY time (apart from this) I have ever seen her be mean was one time at Sears, this little kid type a 3 line basic program on the computer to print his name over & over. She walked by & hit reset and said, "Ha, ha!" and chuckled. I was was flabbergasted. That was in 1984.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Sorry kids, gotta go to bed!

I'm glad that you see that it all wasn't wasted time.<P>You understand all of this Infidelity stuff and what Harley says so I know that you realize the state of "no mind" that your Wife is in.....<P>She's still in her fantasy and that is enhanced and prolonged by the fact that she is off on this adventure of hers.<P>She doesn't have any of the reality of what she's done hitting her in the face, so to speak. Of course, she's not going to talk much to you - you're a flash of reality that penetrates that fantasy!!<P>You know that she will crash eventually!! What you must decide is if you can wait a while longer in an effort to be there and finish what you two started over 20 years ago. <P>Can you wait longer? <P>I still think that you should talk with Harley and try to come up with something to draw her attention to her life that is 2500 miles away. Some kind of action or words must be available to you as an enhancement to Plan A for this situation.<P>Think About It - OK?<P>Hugs, <P>Sheba

Just wanted to add my support to all the others, pulling for you!<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Chris}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

You're not stupid. You didn't waste time... From time to time I find myself attempting to look at the last 15+ years that way and remember that I've got three beautiful kids and they most certainly are NOT a waste. Your girls make it all worthwhile.<P>It gets better, Chris. Really it does. <P>------------------<BR>Bobbie<P><BR>

Hi Chris,<BR> Are you reaching your limit? As everyone said she is definitely in this fantasy big time and you and the girls are "reality" and that is way too painful to her right now. (MY opinion for what it's worth)She will come to, but will you be there? I know it must seem like an eternity (6.5mos?) but according to the book(SAA) this is normal.The problem with the book is it sounds so logical and sounds like do this, do that, wait for 1 yr. but living that is excrutiating and every day seems like a week.I found about H's affair 9mos. ago and I swear I feel like it's been 2yrs.....things are just now finally starting to turn around. Everything I've read says they do come to eventually , have you read "Private Lies"? that is a good one. My H and, probably from the sound of it your wife are the "romantic " types, throwing everything away for so called "love".Those feelings and intensity can not last. Hope you feel better soon.....like Sheba said,keep talking to us....Lu

Chris -- 21 years is a long time to be with someone. You have been so patient and such a good dad. What have you done for Chris lately? I know you've just been on vacation, but from I can see on your posts, there were some memories stirring about. Add to that the stress of being mom, dad, cook, housekeeper, etc, etc. Do something nice for Chris.<P>I've wondered myself if I wasted the last 25 years of my life. There are days I feel pretty old and used up. Then I look at my kids and remember what it was like to have someone want to cuddle up on Saturday mornings. That was before my H became mentally ill (not a joke). Try to remember her before she became mentally ill. Hold on to the good times. Then, whether or not the marriage survives, you won't feel like your life has been wasted. Take care.

Chris, you always get so sad at midnight after, I assume, a few drinks. Avoid the alcohol, it works as a depressant. There are lots of better meds out there to help you sleep. Look to the future. You're doing so well. Thinking of you,<P>TryingAgain

Chris:<P>The answer to that question is emphatically "no, you're not".<P>I can think of lots of adjectives to describe you, but stupid isn't in the list. Hang in there.

First things first, you are not stupid. You followed your heart. She is the stupid one, throwing everything away for a fantasy. <P>------------------<BR>You are in my thoughts and prayers.<BR>* Viki

Chris,<BR>I wonder often recently whether I have wasted the last 24 years. I thought most of our marriage was good, too, and I wouldn't trade the six kids for anything, of course. Maybe feeling this way has something to do with hitting the gone for six months milestone.